


The Only Good Thing In A World of Bad

by Skquill



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Aromantic Asexual Christine Canigula, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, F-slur in chapter 11, Fiction, Gen, M/M, Michael Mell is gay, Michael rides a razor scooter, Multi, Musicals, Q-slur in chapter 9, The Squip is abusive and homophobic, Trans fem Jeremy Heere, coming out in chapter 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2018-11-28 15:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 70,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11420529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skquill/pseuds/Skquill
Summary: Who would win in a fight: a supercomputer, or a guy in love with his best friend?A story about getting to know yourself, and realizing who you are. It’s about toxic masculinity and mental illness; about self-doubt, and relationships, and expectations, and finding a support group.





	1. More Than Survive

**Author's Note:**

> Hey ao3,
> 
> I'm new to this site, but I've been writing for a long time.  
> This is a re write of the musical, Be More Chill.  
> I decided to do this because i didn't like the way that the story was structured, or how the characters never seemed like actual characters--But high school stereotypes.  
> The only character was Michael.  
> So this is just to give everyone the same treatment that he got.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The boy's’ fingers tapped periodically on the white surface of his laptop as the tab loaded. As his tapping got faster, he started to mutter a simple, “Come on… Go! “ 

A small prayer before he could get rid of the urge in his pants.   
_Fuck it._ He X’d out of the slow loading porn site and tossed his computer aside. Heading to the bathroom, he closed the door and checked himself out in the mirror that was over his sink. It became a habit to lift up his shirt to see if there was a possible start of any muscle.  
There never was.  
“Hey Jeremy!” The father of the house popped his head, causing the teenager to scream and quickly drop his shirt.  
“D-Dad! Don’t you know how privacy works?” Jeremy shouted, looking at his father. He had a the slight start of tears forming in his eyes, trying to hide a heart attack and morning wood.   
“Oh, come on son,” Jeremy's father entered the bathroom in his regular outfit. A bathrobe, undershirt, socks, and boxers. He never wore pants. “We’re all men here! It’s like the army.”  
“Okay...Okay. Just,” Jeremy maneuvered around his father to the door. “ _Please_ put pants on, before I get home. Just, put on some pants.” Jeremy said and ran back to his room and grabbed his backpack.   
“Bye son!”  
“Bye, Dad…” Jeremy headed out the door before his father could say any more weird things.  
_Maybe our family has small dicks so he can parade around the house in nothing but a bathrobe and boxers. Maybe the smaller your junk is the more times you get boners._   
Jeremy started to walk to the bus stop and got there at a good time; but a thought came to his head. “It’s nice out, I can probably walk to school…” He spoke knowing no one would hear him, he’d lived a large portion of his life muttering to himself and knowing what volume he would have to speak to not grab attention. _But then, I’ll come to school all sweaty and even more gross then I already am._ “Taking the bus is weak since I’m a junior. I’ll look like a freaking idiot.” He couldn’t decide before the bus stopped for him, it’s brakes screeching to a halt and the door sliding open.  
“Come on kid, are you coming on or not?” The bus driver said, and Jeremy quickly got on the bus and sat in the nearest empty seat.   
He looked out the window, his backpack tightly braced in his arms and getting choked by his flabby chest.  
Jeremy sunk in the seat and silently muttered another incantation of words. “Just let me survive this day, survive this week, and maybe the rest of the school year.” He shut his eyes as if trying to visualize the words coming to life, creating a barrier around him to ward off everything bad that would make its way to him. 

The bus came to a stop and he jumped from his seat, walking into the aisle as the stampede of kids behind him pushed him forward to exit the bus.   
“Come on!! Move!” Some would shout, as Jeremy nearly fell off the small bus steps. 

He continued to get shoved to the school’s entrance and left the herd of gossiping teens when he reached his locker. 

Some girls were near him, and talking about the latest school drama like everyone else.   
Jeremy opened his locker and couldn’t help listen into their conversations.   
“So Jenna Rolan said Madeline was all, ‘I’ll only have sex with you, if you beat me at pool’. And then she lost at pool! Deliberately!” Chloe said.   
“That is so awesome…” Brooke breathed.    
Jeremy could feel the heat rising to his face.  _ Why talk about that here. In ear shot of so many people? _ __  
“Brooke!” Chloe called her out with a wave of her hand.    
“Sorry,  _ I mean,  _ that’s so slutty.” Brooke tried to recover from her confession. The third girl that was with them, tried to join in on the conversation,    
“And then Madeline was all--”   
Before getting shut down by Chloe. “ _ I’m  _ telling the story Jenna!”    
Jeremy peeked at them from his locker door, he tried being subtle but Chloe caught him instantly. He was tall and awkward, with a red face. Easy to spot and call out. He tried to say something, but Chloe started to steer the girls away from him. “Ew, he was so getting off to that!” She said, loud enough for Jeremy to hear.   
“Wh--No, No I wasn’t I--”   
Jeremy got pushed in the back, and turned around to see someone who was shorter then him.   
“Yo, don’t touch me, tall-ass!” The guy shouted.  __ Nice nickname there. 

“Sorry, I just needed to get---” He pushed Jeremy into the group of lockers, twisting the tall boy's arm so he couldn’t get free. Rich, the bully who currently had Jeremy in a world of hurt, took out a marker and wrote something on Jeremy's backpack.   
“You wash this off, I’ll kill you.”   
“A-uh…” Jeremy felt his arm get released then he got pushed again with the crowd. Rich led the pack as another entered the scene.   
“Yo Jakey D! What’s the story with Madeline?” Rich gave Jake a light punch on his well toned chest. Jeremy tried to escape the noise, but high school had a way of making voices carry.    
“I shouldn’t say…” Jake started, as Jeremy walked away he could hear the smile on Jake's face. “But it’s a good thing I’m good at pool.”

To escape the noise Jeremy looked over the crowd of students and found a poster on the wall. He swerved past students and looked at the contents.   
It was a poster for the school play.   
Jeremy face twisted into a look of disgust. He could already hear the humiliation of what others would say about him.     
_ More like a poster to proclaim that you’re gay--Which I don't need to hear. I'm already made fun of enough. _   
Jeremy turned around right as a girl appeared to have tapped him on his shoulder. His whole world froze when he saw her. She made everything around her look like sparkles and she was the center of it all.    
“Excuse me…” Christine's voice was so soft and sweet.   
“Wha…” It snapped Jeremy out of his thoughts at once.    
“I think someone wrote Boyf on your bag.” She laughed in such a sweet way, but the comment made Jeremy rip his backpack off his shoulders and look at it. 

That someone was Rich, and in big letters he wrote out the letters B-O-Y-F.

“What does that even mean?” Jeremy muttered,   
“Did you say something?” Christine said, she cocked her head in question.   
“Duh,... Uh…” Jeremy stuttered as he bolted from the poster and headed for the bathroom. 

 

He sat down in one of the stalls. “That was so fucking awful.”    
The stall door was locked and he stared down at his converse. “I’m going to die a virgin. My gravestone will read, Jeremy Heere, died as he lived, a virgin.” He concluded and took a few deep breaths. 

When he exited the bathroom, he went right to his classes and spaced out till the bell went off. He sat in the back, and just wrote down notes that the teacher put on the board. 

_ Make yourself invisible. Clear your mind and get through the day. _

Before the bell went off to declare his current class over, and bring on lunch, Jeremy retraced his steps this morning, trying to pinpoint how this day could have gone better; or where it went wrong.    
As the bell rang he wrote a small thought out in the margin of his notebook:  _ Correction my tombstone would read, The only thing he’s ever dated was his macbook pro hard drive. Testimonials include: He was a chronic masterbator. _ __  
Jeremy followed the leaving class, making his way to the cafeteria for lunch. He spotted the familiar big red hoodie and white headphones of a friend.   
“Michael!” Jeremy called out and fought his way through the lunch rush and practically ran to his friend.    
“Sup Buddy, how’s everything?” He moved his headphones slightly so he could hold the conversation and also listen to music. A kind gesture that only real friends can make.    
“Good. Interesting… Yeah, I made some progress actually.” Jeremy smiled when he spoke, it was the calmest he’s been this whole day.    
“Really? Awesome!” They sat down at a table in the cafeteria and Jeremy watched Michael take out a roll of sushi and a slushie from his bag.    
A normal thing, and friends don’t question how friends keep stuff refrigerated in their backpacks.   
“I wrote to Christine and said how I felt.” Jeremy started. He felt embarrassed admitting it. Before Michael could congratulate him, however, he continued with… “Then I tore it up and flushed it down the toilet.”    
Michael's brown eyes went from a sparkling sign of happiness, to a duller disappoint. His shoulder sagged a bit.    
“It’s still progress though. Anyway, when I got here, Rich got a hold of me and wrote something on my bag.” Jeremy started to shrug off his bag to show it. “Do you know what this means, ‘BOYF’?” Jeremy looked at his bag then at Michael, who was also taking off his bag and showing it to him.    
In black marker it read: ‘RIENDS’.   
A silence met the two. Followed by Micheal laughing hard, while having a smile that Jeremy found oddly amusing to admire.   
“That’s _hilarious!_ Okay.. Okay… I’m good. I’m chill” Michaels laughter, and his gasping for breath was a nice sight. Jeremy smiled at him, joining in with the contagious laughter.   
After calming down, they split the negimaki that Michael had and sat across from each other. Michael unplugged his headphones and allowed the music to play freely.   
“Bob Marley?”   
“When is it not Marley, my friend.”

_ True statement. _ __  
“Oh, I was watching the Discovery channel last night and learned that like, humans--we don’t evolve anymore.” Michael started.   
“How is that good?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow at that statement,   
“‘Cause, it means that technology has advanced enough for humanity to just stop trying to evolve! Which means, that there’s no other better time to be a  __ LOOOSER!!”  Michael pulled at his hoodie, making it poof out.   
“I guess that’s good.” Jeremy added.   
“Yeah, it means that you don’t have to try hard to be popular or cool. Just be yourself. You’ll find some cool people, heh, like me! So, why try to be cool when you can be--”   
From the corner of Jeremy’s eyes he saw Christine again, his vision became clouded again and the only visible person was her, it was like he was drawn to her. She was walking to the theater poster that they met at earlier. She had a pen in her hand and was scribbling her name on the sign up sheet.   
“--Signing up for the play!” Jeremy nearly jumped out of his seat, his hand on the table as if he was ready to bolt again.   
“I was gonna say, to get high in my basement but…” Michael shrugged it off. “No judgement for what you like, Jer.”   
Jeremy had to shake his head, to bring himself back. “No, I mean… Look who’s signing up for the play!” Jeremy nearly shouted, pointing to the play poster. “It’s Christine…” Jeremy's eyes saw nothing but her and sparkles again.    
“Oh, great…” Michael looked at his friend, he seemed to have gone to another dimension. He awkwardly slurped at his frozen drink. Jeremy, still in his state, grabbed Michael by the hood and pulled him close. He nearly gagged on the straw.    
“It’s Christine…” Jeremy whispered.   
“Yeah, Christine…” Michael didn’t see what was so cool about her.    
Jeremy nearly dropped his friend when he sat back down. “I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna sign up!”   
“Awesome, dude!”   
“Yeah! Yeah, if Christine can do it, so can I!”   
“That’s the attitude you need, Jeremy!!” Michael cheered him on, sitting back down and fixing his hoodie.

Jeremy got up from the table and he felt light, weightless even, walking over to the sign up sheet. He took a breath, his hand was shaking as he grabbed the pen that was left behind. He wrote his name down, and as he let go of an anxious breath, he came to the cruel reality that was high school. 

Richs’ voice was loud and clear:  _ “GAAAAAAAAAY!!!!”  _

Everyone broke out in laughter, Jeremy didn’t even have to turn around. He felt peoples fingers point at him. As the laughter died down, Chloe said a small, “I like gay people.”

Michael appeared next to him, Jeremy's gaze was fixed on the sign up sheet. He looked like he might cry.   
“Michael...I’m never gonna be a cool guy, am I.” It was a muttered realization.    
“Hey, you’re cool to me.” Micheal put an arm around his friend. His voice was a whisper, a calming whisper.

“Why can’t someone just help me…” Jeremy muttered. “Help me survive this hell.” 

Michael didn’t know if his friend would fully lose composure or not, so he went back to the table that they occupied, packed everything away and grabbed Jeremy's backpack.   
“Come on… You need a joy ride to calm down.” Michael led Jeremy to the back door of the school, it led to the parking lot and bike rack. Michael left for a moment and came back with his ride of choice. A razor brand scooter. “Get on, Jeremy. Your silver chariot of feel good is here.” Michael gave his friend a smile, standing a bit taller. He had a plan, and Jeremy was already on board.   
“W-wait… Shouldn’t we do this outside?” Jeremy's heart was racing a bit.    
“We’ll make it.” Michael was slowly pushing him on the scooter.    
_ I can scoot fine. But this is nice, I guess. _ __  
Michael started to pick up speed.    
“Uh, Michael, what are you planning?” Jeremy looked back at his friend, who was now running.    
“I’m gonna help…” Michael started running at top speed.    
“Micheal.  __ Michael!! ” Jeremy shouted at his friend for an explanation.   
The halls were fairly empty, everyone was either in class or at lunch. Jeremy felt the weight of his friend press on him.    
“...You more than survive!!” Jeremy could hear the smile on Michael's face as the scooter zoomed through the halls and headed for the front entrance. They heard kids in the cafeteria screaming as they zoomed past, some of them were shouting to continue.    
“Go, go go go go!!!!”   
They lost a bit of traction when they hit the doors, but Michael was back to pushing Jeremy around and they broke into the September sun.    
“The bells gonna ring soon!!” Jeremy shouted as Michael hopped on again.    
“We’ll make it in time, buddy! I told you, I’m going to help you survive. This is the start of it!”   
It was a declaration. 

It made Jeremy smile.   
_ For once, things were going to be chill. _


	2. I Love Play Rehearsal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's first rehearsal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first heard this song, I didn't like it for the line of "Dude, I'm not into self harm, I swear just check my arm."  
> That line made me angry enough to change put a lot more effort into this project.  
> As I wrote it, I was realized that it was just a fault of the writers. Christine is so sweet and kind, and I wanted to capture that personality, mixed with the interactions of loving theatre and trying to make it seem like she was immediately mesmerized by someone who liked her performance.   
> Personally, I feel like this is where the story gets good. It becomes its own thing.  
> Enjoy it.  
> I did.

 

The two friends were standing outside of the auditorium. Michael looking like he was checking a text on his phone, and Jeremy pacing back and forth.   
“Michael, maybe that whole thing about evolution is wrong. Maybe, like, I don’t know, I can’t evolve and do this.” Jeremy spoke up, he stopped in his tracks and looked to his friend. “What do you think I should do?”   
Michael looked up from his phone and gave his friend another calm smile. “Dude, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. No one’s gonna make fun of you for not joining, if you want to back out we can leave, cross your name off on the list and go play videogames.” He suggested.   
“Another time maybe, there’s always theater practice. Maybe it’s just not my thing…” Jeremy nodded along with the thought process.    
_ I can talk with Christine another time.  _

“Yeah, dude, that sounds like a solid plan.” Jeremy smiled.   
“However, I will also say that Discovery Channel also said that fear and anxiety drives humanity to evolve.” Michael added.   
“You make it sound like you’re  _ trying  _ to get me to join!” Jeremy faced his friend, and ran his hands through his hair.  _ Come on, I can do this!  _   
“It would be fun to see you perform on stage when it’s all over, buddy.” Michael crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “I can throw flowers at you when you go and bow!”   
“Good to know that you’ve got my back…” They shared a simple laugh and smiled.   
“Always do.”   
Jeremy shut his eyes and took a breath. He opened the door and walked in, “I can do this.”  _ Come on, go go go.  _   
He imagined that the kids at lunch were cheering for him, and not just for his friend’s shenanigans of scootering around the halls.    
“Go go go--” His words got caught in his throat as he neared the stage, he sounded like a hissing, dying cat. “--YO!!” He shouted, raising his arms in emphasis. He lowered them as if giving everyone there a peace sign. He was looking at one person in particular, Christine.

“Yo!” she replied, she was standing on the stage with the other people that were in the club. The other people all waved, but Jeremy couldn’t hear if they were saying anything. The same tunnel vision of sparkles came back and centered itself on Christine.

“Is-Is this where play practice meets?” Jeremy asked, he had to blink to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.    
Chirstine looked at the group and back at Jeremy. “No, this is where the swim team meets. Welcome, we do some phantom swimming strokes here, before we go to the pool of course.” Jeremy stopped in his tracks. His eyebrows scrunched down.  _ Crap, am I in the wrong place.  _   
He was about to turn around and leave, when Christine pulled him back to the stage with her voice. “I’m joking!” She smiled.   
“Oh! Uh, I’m Jeremy!” His words hung in the air as he just processed what happened. “Wait…”   
He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his shoes. Everything looked blurry, he felt dizzy and the sparkles were gone. Jeremy felt the sweat on his hands and saw that they were shaking.    
“Hey, are you okay?” Christine did another head cock of confusion and wonder.   
“Duh. Uh…” Jeremy babbled.    
“You look really nervous, like, are you going to faint? Do you need to sit down?” Christine pointed to the seats that were in the auditorium, plastic chairs were on the stage, while nice red cushioned seats were on the ground level.    
“I’m good. Just peachy! I always get sweaty and nervous!” Jeremy choked out and tried to hide it with a laugh.    
The other forced out a laugh, while Christine’s eyes went wide and a smile went on her face. She pointed a finger at Jeremy, exclaiming: “This is your first play rehearsal! Of course you’d be nervous!!”   
_ Why do I feel like she just shot me through the heart...  _ “Thanks...for noticing, Christine.” Jeremy smiled and quickly went to the stage. “Yeah, I’m totally terrified right now. Never been to one of these.  _ Oh boy!  _ I am nervous!” Jeremy tried to laugh more at his awkward state. No one joined in.    
“Being nervous is normal. It will go away the more you’re here.”    
“You sound like you’re a veteran of this…” Jeremy crossed his arms to hide how sweaty and shaken his hands were getting.    
“Well, it’s my favorite. Coming here is the best part…”   
“Of the day?” Jeremy cut her off pre-maturely, he shut his mouth when their eyes met.  _ Crap. I thought she was done talking… Like how NPCs in games will trail off to be mysterious.  _ Jeremy put his hands down and tugged at his cardigan. Christine smiled though, and for a split second the sparkles returned.    
She laughed a bit and said, “No silly, it’s the best part of my  _ life! _ ”    
Jeremy blinked the sparkles away. His hands were still sweaty, legs still shaking a bit.  _ How can my brain be focusing on so many things wrong all at once!  _   
“My ADD makes it hard for me to concentrate on normal school stuff, so when I come to play everything is easy because I just have to follow a script.” Christine walked over to the circle of chairs that sat on the stage, she plopped down in one and gestured for Jeremy to join, pattingthe one next to her.   
He quickly did, putting his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his hands. He gave her a smile, and she continued her explanation.   
“Scripts tell you everything that you need to know! And everything always works out in the play, even in stuff like Romeo and Juliet! Yeah, they both died, but the families stopped feuding after that--Man, that would be funny if all Family Feud episodes were like that! Like, imagine the twists and turns!”

“Two families, pit against each other for pride and money…. Then everything changed when their kids fell in love…” Jeremy tried his best impression of an epic movie voice. Christine found it funny--No one else did.  _ She’s a lot easier to talk to then I thought. My joke wasn’t even that funny… _ __   
“So you like theater because you can be different people?” Jeremy asked, he raised an eyebrow for effect.    
Christine nodded, “Yup, like in one show I can be a princess, or another show I can be a beggar, or, maybe the director will say that I can do whatever I want! Then I could be a big monster and scare people like---”    
She put her thumbs on her cheeks, her palms facing Jeremy. In her mind, she was a sweet girl for one second, and in the next a fearful monster. Her nose scrunched up, eyes became only slits. She stuck out her tongue and went: “BLEHHH!!!”   
It was the cutest thing Jeremy had seen this whole day.   
“Um… That was, uh, interesting.” Was all he could say.    
She went back to her theater talk, as if her monster persona never happened. “The drama club has been losing members a lot, but everyone should be here soon.”    
Jeremy nodded, he sat back in his chair and as if on cue the door opened and a flurry of conversations came with it.   
Jeremy sank a bit in his chair even though he wouldn’t be able to hide from the people that came in. It was everyone that he met this morning.

The girls that accused him of jerking off to their drama: Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna.   
And the guy that wrote ‘BOYF’ on his backpack: Rich, accompanied by Jake.   
“I didn’t know there was a theater here? Have we always had this?” Jeremy didn’t look up to see who said that. He instead grabbed his backpack and flipped it over so no one could see what was on it. He held it tightly against his chest.

He felt like hands were around his neck and strangling him. “They’re gonna call me gay. That’s what’s gonna happen.” He muttered, he shut his eyes as if maybe he would turn invisible. “I don’t need more humiliation…”    
  
“Oh good, the popular kids are here. Now we’ll be able to sell tickets.” A new voice broke through the crowd, Jeremy opened his eyes slightly to see Mr. Reyes quickly walking to the stage, even passing by the kids as they slowly took their time.   
_ I guess cool kids don’t have to worry about being late.  _   
Once everyone took a seat, with the head of the drama standing in the middle, he started to speak. “Afternoon class, as some of you may know, I’m the head of the Drama Class.” He started, then gave side eyes to the popular kids. “But I know that a select few of you even know me from my full time job at the Hobby Lobby.”

Chloe and friends closed their eyes, placing their hands on their chests and slowly nodding.  _ Did someone die? What did this guy do? _   
Jake and Rich gave low cheers and fist pumps.

_ Again, did someone die or is this guy a supplier for alcohol? _ __   
“I’ve always had the dream to stage “A Midsummer Night’s Dream…”   
Christine sat up, and audibly gasp escaped her lips at Mr. Reyes words.   
“And today, that dream dies…”   
Christine quickly sank in her seat. “What? Why?!” She looked a mix of disappointed and angry.   
Mr. Reyes shushed her with a quick lift of his finger and a small, “Let me finish….” When she settled, he did. “That dream dies, and comes back to life! I’ve done some research, and unless we get a full house on the night of the performances the funding will go to a the Frisbee Golf team. So, I decided that since all you kids seem to like post-apocalyptic settings and zombies, that is what this show will be about.”   
This time, Jeremy was the one to sit up. He unfolded out of his panicked state.  __ I know this. I know zombies… This could actually work!!  He could feel the makings of a small smile on his lips.   
“Instead of meeting fairies and running in the woods to get married, you’ll be running from zombies and trying to find safety.” Mr. Reyes looked at his group. Of the kids that were there Jeremy was the only one that seemed genuinely interested in the premise. He coughed to clear the air. “We’ll take a five minute break, I’m hungry and my food is almost done heating up in the microwave.”   
As quick as he entered, Mr. Reyes was gone. The popular kids also got up and started having another chat as they walked out of the auditorium. The other kids that were in the theater also exited. Jake stayed however, and started a conversation with Christine.    
“Hey, weren’t you in the play last year?” He asked, taking the seat across from Jeremy.    
“I’m in all the shows, you mean Romeo and Juliet?” Christine scooted her chair so she could be facing Jake. Jeremy relaxed, no one was looking at him now. A pang of sadness hit him though when he realized that; it meant Christine wasn’t interested in him anymore.   
“Yeah, you were the girl that died, right?” Jake kept the conversation going with Christine.   
“Yes.. Juliet.” She replied.   
“Awesome, cool cool.” Jake flashed some teeth at her when he grinned. “Yeah, I really liked you in that role. Not because you died! No, but I liked it because after you did, all the lights went out, and then you got back up, and the lights turned back on…” Jake’s eyes went from Christine to the light above them. The stage lights were off. “It got me thinking that, like, nothing I ever go through will be as bad as what just went down in that play. And I give the girl who played Juliet mad props for getting back up at the end.”

_ Jake actually seems like a nice guy.  _ Jeremy sat up a bit, he placed his backpack on the floor quietly and took out his phone. He wasn’t doing much on it, other than pretending like he was busy.   
“Well, in theater, you always bow after the show is over. Is that what you mean? The character does stay dead.” Christine clarified. 

Jakes eyebrows arched up, he nodded slightly. “Oh, well, I just remember thinking that like, your acting was so amazing that… I was really happy to see you get up at the end. Cause, I’ve never talked with you before and it would suck if you just died right then and there.” Jake played it cool, he shrugged when he finished and flashed her another smile. 

Jeremy continued looking busy.

“That’s so sweet…” Christine breathed, she was completely mesmerized by him.    
When he smiled that wide, Jeremy could see dimples forming. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, a bunch of friends and I are going out after practice today. Like the play said, “Parting is such sweet….” Jake got up and started to collect his things to join his friends, Christine couldn’t take her eyes off of him as he gathered himself.   
“Sorrow…” She finished, “I’ll totally hang out with you after practice.”    
Jake looked up and nodded. He slipped his backpack on to his shoulder and started to exit off the stage. 

“Hey, uh…” Jeremy looked up from his phone to see Jake looking at him, more importantly, his backpack. “Someone wrote BOYF on your bag.” Those were the last words Jake said before he got off stage and exited the auditorium. 

The large room grew quiet again. Jeremy shuffled in his seat, when he came in originally it didn’t feel that big. Christine was sitting right next to him. Now he felt like he was miles away from everything.    
“So I heard that humans stopped evolving…” He muttered, he wasn’t looking for a conversation starter, just words to fill the empty space and maybe build a bridge to talk with Christine again.    
“Sorry Jeremy, did you say something?” Her eyes were on the door, she was waiting for the others to come back.    
“Forget it. It’s….It’s nothing.” He muttered, gathering his own things and heading out of the auditorium.   
The halls were empty and he started to head to the bathroom to gather himself. For the second time today he felt hot tears, and saw them blurring his vision.    
“I finally managed to talk with her, and now I don’t even think she knows that I’m alive.” He wiped his eyes and opened the door to the restroom.


	3. The Squip Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy learns about the Squip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing I write will ever be as impactful as Richs "IT'S FROM JAPANNNNNN"
> 
> This ends the whole, Jeremy is about to cry thing.  
> For a bit that is.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it!

Jeremy stood over the sink, his backpack was emptied and he was wetting the part that was graffitied with sharpie, trying to rub the letters off. Earlier he had splashed his face with water to hide the tears that were spilling from his eyes.

The sharpie wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Jeremy furiously rubbed his fingertips on it and nothing changed. 

“Come on…” He pleaded. “Get off!” His temper got the best of him and in a flash the backpack flew and hit the wall. It hit the floor and went limp, the water making the red color a darker shade. “Damn it…” Jeremy went over and grabbed his bag, patting any bathroom wall germs it might have gotten on it. “Sorry, I think you’re going to have to deal with that for a bit till I can get it cleaned off.” He told it as he went back to the sink. He was trying to clean his sharpie stained fingers when the door opened.

“I thought I told you not to wash that off, tall-ass.” Rich walked in and stood at the door, his posture was threatening, head tilted up a bit to show some dominance. 

Jeremy ignored him, he started to stuff his books back into his bag.

“Hey! I’m talking to you, tall-ass! _ ”  _

Jeremy zipped up his bag in a haste and did his best to glare at Rich when he was done. “Why do you call me that, Rich? I’m not even that tall!”

The other teenagers posture softened when he saw Jeremy's eyes. Red and puffy. Fresh from crying. Rich started to make his way over to the urinals. Jeremy watched him through the mirrors. “You could be if you didn’t slouch like that.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, and started to tiptoe toward the door. Rich wasn’t facing him. “The only thing more pathetic than how you hunch over, is how you’re trying to get out of this conversation by leaving--” Jeremy froze.  _ Does he have eyes in the back of his head….  _  “Geez, tall-ass, don’t you know it’s rude to walk away when someone is talking to you.”    
Jeremy tried to turn around to look at Rich but stopped when he heard a zipper go down, followed by the familiar sound of pissing. Jeremy scratched his leg with his sneaker. “How can you hold a conversation while you’re…” he couldn’t finish the sentence. 

“Confidence.” Rich answered.  _ Confidence? _   
“Good to know… I guess, But I’m gonna go now--”   
Rich let out a noise of pain, it sounded like he was getting electrocuted. Jeremy only turned back around to face him because he thought something was up.    
The boy at the urinal was twitching, Jeremy could only see the back of him but he was on the heels of his shoes as if he would fall over. “Are you having a seizure?” Jeremy wanted to help in some way, but his own body wasn’t moving. He was trying to remember if he learned what to do when someone was having one, but his mind was empty of that knowledge. His body was frozen out of fear because of Rich.   
Rich’s body stopped suddenly though. He took a deep breath, and zipped up his pants.   
“Uh….Rich, are you okay?” Jeremy muttered. Rich turned to him slowly. His eyes were menacing, his shoulders were broad. “If-If you’re okay… I’m gonna leave then. I think we have to go back to play practice soo--”

_“Don’t move.”_ Rich growled, and Jeremy did just that. He swallowed hard and looked down at the bathroom floor, his heart was racing and his hands were shaking. “Look at me, _Jeremy.”_ Jeremy felt all the blood leave his body when Rich said his name. Jeremy slowly moved his eyes up Rich, not as a challenge, but out of complete fear for what he might do.  
With a nod of his head, Rich asked, “Do you remember me freshman year?”  
“N-No! You-You weren’t here during freshman year.” Jeremy balled his shaking hands into fists to hopefully hide how much they were trembling. Rich’s fist rose up, Jeremy closed his eyes expecting to feel it on his face soon. Instead, Rich banged his fist on the wall. The whole room seemed to shake. Jeremy bit his bottom lip.   
_He’s going to kill me._  
“I was!” Jeremy opened his eyes to see that there was a smile on Rich’s lips. He looked psychotic. “You just didn’t notice me!! Nobody did!” He shouted. Jeremy felt the lights shake,  and that’s when he moved a step back to run away. He tripped on his own feet though, and Rich seemed to appear right in front of him. He wrapped his arm around Jeremy, like Michael would do. But this didn’t feel comforting at all. “Listen here, Jeremy… Let me tell you a story.”  
_He’s probably going to kill me afterwards._ __  
Rich pulled him closer and stood on his toes to meet Jeremys eyes. Jeremy lowered himself to his height to make it easier for him.   
“Back in freshman year, I was a mess! Everything would pass by me and no one even gave me the light of day.” The sickening smile was still on Rich’s lips. “I couldn’t get a girlfriend, my attempts at flirting were awful. I was just a complete _loser!_ I’d walk around the halls and trip over my own feet,” His free arm jabbed Jeremy in the chest as he talked. “I’d slouch and stutter my words. I was like _you._ ”   
“Good to know, can I go now…” Jeremy tried to smile through his fear.   
Rich didn’t respond. “Everything changed once I got a Squip, though.”  
“Ya’got quick? Like you stopped tripping over yourself?”  
“Not quick! _Squip.”_ Rich corrected him.   
“I’ve never heard of that in my life.” Jeremy raised an eyebrow at him.   
“That’s the point, tall-ass! It’s this top-secret shit. Can’t even look it up on the internet.”  
“But everything is on the inter--” Jeremy shut his mouth when Rich glared at him.   
“It’s from Japan, okay? Even there, it’s not known about. It’s this grey, little oblong pill that has quantum nanotechnology in it. It travels through your body and to your brain. Then, it tells you what to do.”   
“How is that possibl--” Jeremy felt Rich jab him in the ribs and Jeremy hit the wall.   
_“Stop interrupting me,_ __tall-ass!!” Rich yelled. His arms lowered from shoving Jeremy, and he blinked a bit as if waking up from a dream. He steps toward Jeremy. “Sorry, old habits. My Squip told me that I should beat you up, which is why I treated you like human garbage. But now it’s telling me that you’re a good guy… Like, maybe you’d like a Squip of your own. I can hook you up if you want one.”

Jeremy looked down at the tiles on the bathroom floor. He registered the pain that was shooting through his back from getting shoved so hard. Rich seemed to have superhuman strength.  _ Was that because of the Squip?  _ _  
_ “So, this Squip,” Jeremy started, his hand was holding his side from Rich’s jab. “It’s like… Drugs?” He muttered out the word.

Rich’s menacing smile made a return. “It’s better than drugs, Jeremy.”    
The pain that was shooting through Jeremy made him sceptical of that.  _ Why’s he even telling me all this? Is that the Squip’s doing? _

“It’s this pre-programmed supercomputer. It can help you with anything, even help you _be cool.”_   
Jeremy stayed silent, albeit wincing a bit when he tried to move. 

“Picture this Jeremy, right now you’re a loser. Someone who is easily forgotten in this whole high school scheme. But when you get a Squip, you’ll start to be able to see things differently. You’ll get smarter, and you’ll get popular. Better life, better everything.” Rich’s smile went back to being a lot calmer, more human. “I’ll hook you up with my dealer, it’s kinda pricey but it’s worth it. Just come to school Monday with six hundred.”   
“W-w-wait!  _ Six hundred?  _ Like six hundred dollars?” Jeremy waved his free hand in the air to try and stop all the information that was spinning around him.   
Rich nodded, he shuffled his bag onto his shoulder. Went over to Jeremys sharpie-graffitied one and handed it to him. “Trust me. Your life will become so much better.”   
_ How do I know if the Rich I’m talking to is the real Rich… _ Jeremy grabbed his bag and the two walked out of the bathroom, they split up there. “Rich, I’m going to go home. This is a lot to process.” Jeremy choked out.   
Again, Rich nodded as if he understood him. As if he didn’t notice the pain that was shooting through Jeremy with each step. 

Jeremy left school and started to walk home. The sun was still up and the Friday feeling didn’t kick in till he was at his front door. He hesitated opening it. “A small supercomputer pill that gets into my brain and tells me how to act, huh?” He muttered. A ding on his phone got him out of his thoughts. It was a text from Michael:   
  


**Michael:** Dude, I’ll be over in a bit. We got a video game to play and all weekend to beat it.

**Jeremy:** Cool. I’ll need a distraction. Play practice was weird. I know I saw you at school but, it feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks.   
**Michael:** Awwww, does someone miss me~   
  


Jeremy let out a held breath and entered his house. He replied to Michael as he was making his way upstairs to his room.    
  


**Jeremy:** Honestly, with the day that I’ve had… Yeah.

 


	4. Two Player Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twos bros~ Playing video games~ one inch a part cause they're both gay~
> 
> Jeremy tries to play video games to forget about his bad day of school, but temptation wins him over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda where I start actually treating these chapter notes as actual chapter notes...  
> Thank you to Popurikat on tumblr for being an amazing friend, listening to my ideas at odd times of the day, and nice enough to help with editing the chapters. I love reading the comments you make to the chapters and I love your input. You're cooler than a vintage cassette.  
> Uh, also, if people like this fanwork enough to draw it, I'm down to see fanart. Just tag it @skquill on tumblr. Along with other that you deem fit.  
> I love to see cool creators making cool content.
> 
> I can't believe this is the last chapter where it's just Jeremy.  
> You guys are in for a treat.  
> Like I say every time,  
> I hope you like reading it as much as I like writing it.
> 
> Till next time.
> 
> -SKQuill

Jeremy entered his room in a bit of a haste. He threw his backpack onto his bed and rubbed his eyes, opening them to see the BOYF staring right at him. He groaned and left the confines of his room. Heading to the bathroom.    
He turned on the shower and closed the door. Locking it for extra measures so his dad wouldn’t come in. As Jeremy undressed he examined his aching body. The dark, discoloration was forming where Rich had been more rough. His elbow was skinned a bit, some faint lines of blood were appearing, while his back was bruised up from when he got shoved. 

_ I’ll get an ice pack when I’m out.  _ Jeremy stepped into the shower to cool off. “Just wash off another shitty day.”

His bruises stung when they collided with the hot water.    
He got out of the shower quickly. Still rather damp, he slipped on his jeans and headed out of the bathroom, holding his shirt close to his chest. 

  
**Jeremy:** Can you give me some time. I know you said that you’d be over, but I just got out of the shower.   
**Michael:** Hot.   
  


Jeremy couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. 

 

 **Michael:** Be at your door in a minute, dude. Take you time, I’m scootering there with a backpack full of goodies.

 

At that reply, Jeremy slipped on a fresh shirt. He winced even more from the bruises. “Do Squip’s make you super strong? Cause if so, I’d get one just to not be pushed around.” He rubbed his elbow as he walked down the stairs. 

Michael had just stepped onto the porch. They exchanged a silent wave.

“So how was play practice?” Michael asked the second the door was open. “Make any new friends?” He teased.   
Jeremy led him to the kitchen for a brief moment, from the freezer he grabbed a frozen bag of corn and peas. “I skipped out on the second half.” Jeremy started as they walked up up the stairs. “Rich beat me up… Kinda.” Jeremy showed his elbow to his friend once they got to his room and the door was closed. “I got more on my back. He shoved me into the bathroom wall, because I interrupted him…” Jeremy watched as Michaels face went from the soft, wise cracking grin, to concerned. He still tried to add a funny spin to it though, raising his glasses up like a mad scientist. “Here, let me explain what happened…” Jeremy ruffled his hair with the damp towel and the two sat down in the bean bag chairs that he had in his room. “I was having a bad day, you-you saw me when I signed up--er, after I signed up.”   
“You looked like you were on the verge of crying. S’why I took you on that joy ride!” Michael edged closer to Jeremy, trying to get a smile out of his friend.    
“Yeah, thanks for that. Good to know I can count on you for cheering me up.” Jeremy gave him a weak, tired smile. Michael took that cue and wrapped his arm around his friend. Jeremy leaned his head on his shoulder. “Mr. Reyes let us have a five minute break, and that’s when I thought i’d try to clean off the ‘BOYF’ on my bag. I also was kinda crying, like, really crying--Anyway, Rich came in when I was about to leave, and he started talking about this drug that made him popular. He said that it was this computer in pill form, that it tells you how to be cool or something.” Michael nodded, he didn't mind Jeremy’s still wet hair. “He got mad and basically threw me against the wall, then apologized for it, cause the drug was telling him that he doesn’t need to pick on me anymore.”

“That’s good, at least!”  Michael tried to reassure his friend. “One less person to worry about at school.”

“The drug was called, uh, Squip. And to top it all off, as I was trying to leave, Rich said he’d get me one if I came in Monday with money.”

“How much?” Michael readjusted himself so his other arm could reach the controllers that were lying near them. 

“Six hundred dollars.” 

The television in Jeremy’s room was turned on and the screen instantly went to the old video game that they had to beat.    
“Sounds like a scam.” Michael declared, handing Jeremy a control. “Let’s drop the topic and get down to business.”   
Jeremy smiled, he took a breath to center himself. The two exchanged a look and smile; gripping the controls and ready to play. “I’m gonna need you to move though. I’m starting to lose feeling in my arm.” Michael looked away when he spoke up. 

“Sorry!” Jeremy lifted his head up and sat in his own bean bag chair.  _ How close were we just now?  _ Jeremy watched Michael stretch his arm that was previously around the other teen.  _ Maybe I wanted to be closer because of all the shit Rich did. _

Once the feeling was brought back to Michael, he fully gripped the controller.

“You ready for this!” Michael hyped Jeremy up. Jeremy was playing Player 1 this time.

“We’re gonna do it! This is the day we beat this level!” Jeremy matched his friends level of hype. 

“Get ready ‘cause it’s... Apocalypse of the Damned, level 9--The Cafetorium!!”

 

. 

Pixels took over the screen, poorly rendered zombies came out of block shaped rooms. The two were put into a room that had nothing but some crates that were full of ammo and weapons. 

“Guard the door, I’m gonna stock up.” Michael said, he opened the crate and switched out his rifle for a baseball bat that was injected with rusty nails. That was his main weapon, he made his secondary weapon the rifle that the game gives you when you start the level. The moaning of undead coming closer indicated that the zombies were starting to come toward them.    
“All set?” 

“Hella yeah.”   
As the characters turned to leave the room, they were greeted with the decomposing body of a zombie.    
“Zombies are coming!” Jeremy shouted.

Michael ran at it and smashed the bat on it, Jeremy stepped a few paces back and shot at it’s head. 

“Good way to start the level!” Michael cheered, the two exchanged another smile. 

 

The two characters traversed the halls of the level, finding treasure and ammo in crates. They picked up their speed, trying to get to where they last left off. They had both memorized the map for the most part.

“So, what do you think I should do about this Squip thing?” Jeremy asked the question only because it had still been eating at him.   
“Like I said, he’s scamming you. I bet he’s doing it to just laugh at you later. Get you excited and just drop the bomb that it doesn’t exist after you give him the money.” Michael went on ahead and smashed some zombie heads.

“Yeah, but, what if it’s not. Michael, what if the drug could actually help me not be a loser.” Jeremy turned his head to his friend. Michael let out a sigh, and looked at his best friend.

“Jeremy, you’re not a loser. You’re--You’re cool. You’re like a vintage cassette, only some people like you now. But just wait, buddy, once we get to college we’ll find our people and be cool.” 

“Are you just saying that because you like vintage stuff?”

“No. I’m saying that because I know what college is like.”

“I don’t think I can wait for two more years.” Jeremy admitted. He let the words sink into the room. His eyes went back to the game. “Zombies!!” 

The words got brushed aside and the two started to attack the horde of undead that had appeared and were beating on their characters. 

_ Damn it! Stop thinking about that stupid drug!  _ “Sorry! I should have been looking ahead!” Jeremy frantically went to shooting the zombies in the room.

“It’s fine dude--Watch out!!” Michael went to Jeremy's side and bashed the head of a zombie that was behind his friend.

“Thanks!” Jeremy tried to smile. His head was a mix of emotions, and a longing to be something that he never was.

“Jeremy…”

The familiar voice of his father broke through the loud yelling and volume of the game.    
“Hello?” Another call, he was getting closer.

“Dude, don’t think too much about today, just focus on getting to the boss.” Michael glanced at Jeremy before they both got into another ambush of zombies.

“ _ Son!!”  _ The door opened and in came Jeremy’s father.

“Pause it….” Jeremy muttered, and turned to face his father. “What Dad---” Jeremy turned in his chair and put his head down in disappointment at the sight of his father. Nothing had changed since they saw each other in the morning. “Dad, please! Put something on!!”

His father let out a laugh. “Why? Do you have a girl with you? Are you hiding a girl in your room?” He teased.

“Sup, Mr. Heere!” Michael said from the chair, he didn’t turn to face the man. 

“Oh… Hi Michael.” Mr. Heere wasn’t good at hiding his disappointment. The father and son didn’t lock eyes. They both looked around the room.   
“Did you ever get dressed today?” Jeremy asked, he rubbed his neck. “Like, at all?”

“W-well, the office.” Mr. Heere shrugged and scratched his nose. “They didn’t need me so I… worked at home.”

_ They never need you.  _ “Could you just, do one thing for me. Please, get dressed. You should still get dressed even if you work at home. That’s what normal parents do.” Jeremy didn’t try that hard to hide the frustration that was in his voice. 

His father awkwardly smiled. “Hey, have you seen the frozen peas and corn? They went missing and I don’t remember making them.” 

Michaels eyes went to the frozen foods that were thawing on Jeremy's bean bag. 

“I don’t Dad. I don’t know where they went.” Jermey lied.

“Okay! Well, have fun you two!” The door closed and the room got quiet. Jeremy slid back into his chair. The back of his shirt was wet and his bruises felt numb.

“So, how’s your dad?” Michael sensed the awkward air that floated in the room. 

“How does it look!” Jeremy snapped. “Since Mom left, he’s been like that! I hate it! I don’t want to be known as the kid who’s father can’t move on in life!”

“Hey, let’s just drop the topic and continue pl--” 

“What if Rich's story checks out, what if I got the drug and I could take it! Maybe then I can not have such a shitty Dad! Maybe if I take it, I can actually get away from him and not feel like shit all the time!” Jeremy shouted.

“What if it does do that, and you become too cool for… for video games?” Michael muttered, the last part seemed almost forced. 

“What? No, Michael, that won’t ever happen. I promise. I’ll always have time for you, and videogames.” Jeremy gave his friend a reassuring smile. “You’re like, my favorite person.” 

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Really? I’m your faworite pwerson?” He batted his eyes and put an arm around Jeremy. They laughed. 

“We just have to make it through high school. Together. I know you have my back, so I can count on you.” Jeremy went back to laying his head on Michaels shoulder. “It would be lame to leave you behind if I did get this drug. I promise, that no matter what happens, we’ll always be a team.” 

 

That Monday, after school and play rehearsal, Michael and Jeremy found themselves in the back of a store. The dealer had sideburns that reminded the two friends of Wolverine. He was leaning against the wall of a quickly going out of business shoe store.

“Let’s see the money.” His voice was low and raspy. 

“Uh, yeah…” Jeremy started to take out his wallet. “So, the price, uh, can it be negotiable?”

“Why the fuck would it be? This is a drug that can help you for life, and isn’t cheap. Just give me the four hundred dollars.”

Jeremy froze as he took out his wallet. “Four hundred?”

“Yeah. Is that a problem?” The salesman growled.

“It’s fine! Perfectly fine!” Michael spoke up and nudged Jeremy to give him the amount. 

Jeremy complied. “How...How do you know that I’m here to get this drug?” He asked.

“Look at you? Do you need a mirror, you and your friend here look like you’re in desperate need of a Squip.” The salesman said, his eyes darted from Jeremy to Michael. He leaned in closer to Jeremy and muttered a small, “are you wearing women's clothes?”

“They’re comfortable and more fitting.”  _ How the hell does he know that at first glance. _

The salesman shrugged, he grabbed the money from Jeremy and went to the back of the store. 

“He pegged you good, dude.” Michael chuckled. 

“I almost gave him six hundred dollars.”

“Rich either tried to scam you himself, or he got scammed when he was getting his.”

The salesman came back with a pink shoe box. He tapped on it twice. 

“It’s in there?” Jeremy muttered.

“Yeah,” the dealer said. “I’m assuming that you regularly shop in the women's department, so it wouldn’t be that unusual to walk out with a pair of woman's shoes.”

_ Can’t argue with that. _

Jeremy opened the box a bit and saw that on top of the shoes was a grey pill in a small plastic bag.

“Just so we’re clear, this is untested and highly illegal. Not on the market at all, and only known to some people. I don’t care what you do with it, how you use it, or what it does to you. If you’re caught, it’s you’re damn own fault. ”

Jeremy closed the box and looked at the dealer. “What can it do to me? What do you mean by th--”

“Scram kid, just take it with something fizzy and you should be good.” The dealer glared at the boys as he started to push them away from the back of the store. “I have customers to deal with and, personally, I feel like this is gonna help you a lot.”

Once out of the store and into the air conditioned mall, Michael and Jeremy stood there.

“Is it that obvious that I like women's clothes?” Jeremy couldn’t let that topic slide. “Why do people give me crap for that?”

“Personally, I think that you look great in whatever.” Michael put in. “Let’s find a quiet place and see what this does.” They found an empty table and set the box down. Jeremy took the pill out of the box along with the shoes.

“I hope this was worth the four hundred…” The pill rolled in his hand. Michael took a bottle of ginger ale. 

“If you need something fizzy, I got this. Bought it today while I was waiting for you.” He slid it to Jeremy. Jeremy muttered out a small ‘thanks.’

Jeremy noticed that his hand that held the pill was shaking. _ Here goes… _

He looked at Michael before taking a deep breath, placed the pill on his tongue and took a swig of the drink. He was hyper aware as he swallowed, he could feel the pill travel down his throat.


	5. The Squip Enters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a different life in mind, Jeremy takes the Squip.
> 
> The Squip starts to tell him to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to Popurikat for being my Player 2 in this whole thing.  
> Chapter five, or as I like to call it, five songs in one.  
> This chapter covers: The Squip Enters, Be More Chill (pt. 1), Do You Want A Ride?, Be More Chill (pt. 2), and More Than Survive (Reprise).  
> Jeremy is trans, and this is high school, so a lot of people are figuring themselves out--he likes wearing feminine clothing. Just thought I'd put that out there, since it is a plot point.  
> Again, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.  
> -SKQuill

“Do you feel any different?” Michael asked after a beat. One eyebrow was arched. 

Jeremy shook his head, his stomach wasn’t as tight anymore. “I think I just wasted my bar mitzvah money on an off-brand tictac.” 

“Wow, that-that didn’t sound cool at all.” Michael sat back in his chair. He folded his arms, his eyes trained on Jeremy. “Maybe it takes time to go into effect?”   
“Or maybe it was just a scam from the very beginning.” Jeremy slouched in his chair and sighed. “I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t… at least hoping for something to change.” 

A defeated silence followed the two.

Jeremys stomach started to tighten again however. “Ugh,” he grimaced and held it. “I feel like I’m gonna puke…” 

“Too much anxiety?” Michael quickly turned and looked for the nearest bathroom.    
“Maybe?” Jeremy was already up and heading toward it. “You can wait here, I-I don’t--” Jeremy couldn’t finish his sentence in time, his body lurched causing him to dry heave. 

“I’m coming with you!” Michael declared and made his way over to Jeremy as he was entering the bathroom. “Go find a stall. Once you feel better, we can go back home and forget this day happened.”

Jeremy weakly nodded, he took note of himself in the mirror of the multi-stalled bathroom. He was even more pale than he normally was. Another pain spread through him, shooting from his legs and all the way through his body. It sent him on the tips of his sneakers, and left him panting and hot. “Michael, can you just--step out of the bathroom. I don’t think this is gonna be pretty…” Jeremy pleaded. 

“But-”

“Just leave! Please--” another surge of electricity shot through him. His vision started to blur a bit, in a blink of his eyes he was on his knees and his friend was nowhere to be seen. He let out a swear of pain, it echoed through the stalls. 

He didn’t expect to hear a voice.

_ Target inaccessible.  _

That’s what he heard. “What the hell--” Jeremy breathed as another spasm hit him.

_ Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort. _

“M-Mild?!” Jeremy said it a bit too loud. “I feel like I’m getting electrocuted! How is that mil--”

Jeremy fell forward, his hands touching the floor. He felt a weight press down on him, getting heavier and heavier with each second.    
“---Eremy?....what’s wrong?” Jeremy could vaguely make out Michael’s voice among the chaos. “Do you need help?” He was calling from outside the bathroom. 

_ Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.  _

“No!” He get out. “I’m okay!! I promise!”

He heard footsteps.

“Wai-wait--wait! Don-Don’t come in,  _ please!! _ ” Jeremy saw the signature red color of his best friend appear. Jeremy gathered himself the best he could, standing up on shaking limbs. “I’m fine…” He lied, trying to smile even with tears stinging his eyes.

_ Discomfort level may increase. _

His body hit the sinks hard enough to bruise. Jeremy let out another shriek of pain. He raised his hands to his head. The lights in the room seemed to get too bright, his head felt like it was about to explode as he was trying to hold it all together.

_ Accessing: Neural memory. Accessing: Muscle memory. Access procedure: Complete. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_ Jeremy Heere. _

_ Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor… _

_ SQUIP: You’re Squip. _

  
  


The pain subsided quickly and Jeremy heard his heart in his ears. He blinked a few times to get his eyes to adjust to the light again. His vision was odd though, it was as if he was staring at a monitor. He looked in the mirror at himself. “Everything looks weird…” he muttered, blinking more. 

_ SQUIP: That’s because I am here now. I scanned your body and noted your likes and dislikes. The way you are seeing currently is standard for all Squip-users. _

“It looks like a videogame.”

_ SQUIP: Precisely. If you want, I can create a manifestation of myself for you to see. _   
“Oh really? C-can you do that, I’m actually curious.” Jeremy bounced on the heels of his shoes and placed his hands in his pockets. 

From the corner of his eye he saw a blue bar appear, and fill in the space.

_ SQUIP: Loading manifestation now. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_ Complete. Executing…. _

 

A grey figure rippled through Jeremy’s vision, static surrounded it and steadily morphed together. The figure was a bit taller then Jeremy, maybe Michaels height. Their skin was a muddy charcoal. They seemed to wear a long trench coat. They had blue eyes, the same as Jeremy, with glowing blue veins streaking their body. 

“Woah…” Jeremy breathed. The manifestation crossed their arms, and put a finger to their lip. An arched grey eyebrow rose.

“I’m sensing an increase in heart rate, followed by various small--almost repressed sexual thoughts--which I’m going to have to put a stop to.” The figure said, it snapped Jeremy out of his dazed state.

“Repressed sexual thoughts? What are you talk--”

The manifestation distorted out of his field of vision before Jeremy could finish his sentence.

_ SQUIP: Simply put, you have a number of repressed sexual thoughts that don’t come to light because you fear that you can’t please a partner.  _

“Oh…” Jeremy muttered.

_ SQUIP: What you just saw was a manifestation of what you wish to look like. A figure of your imagination. To say the least, it is a goal of yours. It will be a lot of work, but I can mold you into that person. Someone who has confidence, is popular, can get anything they want, and can make anyone do what they want. The issue is that your heart rate increased upon seeing it. We’re going to have to think of a way to stop that. _

“So it’s wrong of me to not want to look like that? I thought you were supposed to help me be more cool? Wouldn’t it be better to see that so I can gauge off of it… And…” Jeremy trailed off to try to find his own words.

_ SQUIP: I’m not going to take a form of something of that would cause you to look like a masterbator-- _

“But I am a masterbator…”

_ SQUIP: We can fix that. _

_ SQUIP: There’s a lot of things that I need to fix with you, Jeremy. I’m programmed to be the perfect person. Everything I do will help you be more chill. _

“You mean ‘cool’, right?”

_ SQUIP: No. _

_ SQUIP: I should also note that you should stop doing that. Talking to yourself, to speak to me. I’m in your brain, you can just think and I’ll hear. _

“So like, telepathy? Like from superhero comics?” Jeremy perked up at the thought of that.

_ SQUIP: Everything you say is embarrassing. This is going to be very difficult. _

“Hey!” Jeremy said to his reflection

_ SQUIP: Stop! _

Jeremy let his jaw close on its own.

_ SQUIP: Before we head out, I’m going to fix simple things right now. _

“What do yo--” Jeremy stopped himself this time

_ What do you mean by ‘simple things’? _

_ SQUIP: Let’s fix your posture… _

Jeremy felt his body tense up, and stand straight; his shoulders broadened out and soon he was standing at his 5 foot 7 inches. 

_ SQUIP: If you slouch, i’m going to penalize you with a small shock. The same process will happen with anything else I view as unfit. _

“What do you mean--”

Suddenly a small shock ran through the boy, going up and down his spine.

_ SQUIP: What did I say about slouching! _ _  
_ “Sorry, I’m an experience type of--”

_ SQUIP: Stop! _

Another shock went through his body.

“What did I do no--OW!” Jeremy gripped the sink as yet another numbing pain went through him.

_ SQUIP: Stop talking to yourself! No one else can hear me, Jeremy! Speak to me with your thoughts. _

_ Fine! _

_ SQUIP: Good. Now, let’s get you a new wardrobe. Looking at you makes me violently ill. _

_ Wh--What’s wrong with my clothes? _

_ SQUIP: A man should not be wearing such things. Now go, find a store. Once we get there I’ll assess how you buy clothes. _

Jeremy took a breath and started to step away from the mirror. He exited the bathroom and saw that Michael was waiting at the table, he still looked worried. Jeremy started to make his way over to him, a light smile on his lips.

_ SQUIP: Who is this? _

“Everything alright now? Did you puke out the Squip?” Michael pulled his headphones off. Resting them around his neck. He ran a hand through his styled hair. 

“Sorry about that. Everything’s okay now, Michael. Don’t--Don’t worry.” Jeremy nodded. 

_ SQUIP: Your heart rate is steadily returning to normal, but I’m also detecting the same repressed thoughts. _

“Hey, I’m still not feeling well, so I might just walk around the mall for a bit. You can leave.” Jeremy’s weak voice didn’t help his lie. But nonetheless, Michael gave him another concerned stare before getting up and grabbing his backpack. Maybe it was the sudden exhaustion, but Jeremy thought he saw Michael distort, just for a second. Like an old VHS tape. “Text me if you need anything! I’ll come running.” He laughed off the worry that he was feeling.

“Thanks…” Jeremy watched him leave. He rubbed his eyes and when he looked up Michael was gone.

_ SQUIP: Nice call. So he’s your friend… Interesting. _

_ Why is that interesting? _

_ SQUIP: Stop asking stupid questions. _

Jeremy walked up to the second floor and walked around. 

_ SQUIP: We need to get rid of this current aesthetic that you have.  _

_ What’s wrong with how I dress, again? _

_ SQUIP: It makes me sick. _

“God, you’re annoying.” Jeremy muttered.

_ SQUIP: BUH! _

Another shock. It made Jeremy jump a bit. He stuck his hands in his pockets to avoid anyone staring at him.

_ SQUIP: NO! _

A surge went through his arms, Jeremy took his hands out of his pocket and folded them.

_ SQUIP: HOW MANY TIMES TO I HAVE TO TEACH YOU THIS LESSON! _

_ Fine! _

Jeremy veered into a clothing store that was nearest to his wandering legs.

He strolled around the clothing, his eyes were hovering toward his normal clothes that he preferred. 

_ SQUIP: Pick that one. _

Jeremy’s vision was outlined to a tan tee-shirt that had black and red letters on it. It read  _ Em’N’Em. _

_ I don’t listen to Eminem, though. _

_ SQUIP: Doesn’t matter. _

_ Do people still listen to him? _

_ SQUIP: I have the ability to see multiple outcomes with each situation. You buy this, and your status increases. _

Jeremy rummaged around to find a size that would fit him.

_ SQUIP: If people think you are a ‘fake fan’, I can aid you. I have extensive knowledge on almost everything. _

Jeremy froze.

“How are you with--” He jolted.

_ How are you with math, and other school subjects? _

_ SQUIP: Jeremy. I’m a supercomputer. I exist because of math. _

Jeremy smiled at that. He grabbed the smallest shirt that they had in stock and tried to find a changing room.

His vision was outlining the other people in the store. 

_ SQUIP: They’re all thinking the same thing, if you’re wondering… They all think that you’re terrible. Not worth their time… Some of them even wish you were dead. _

Jeremy entered the changing room and quickly changed his shirt to the one he grabbed. “It’s a bit big…” He watched as the blue outline seemed to scan him.

_ SQUIP: You’ll grow into it. You’re such a twig, no wonder you bruise easily. Now, go to another store and try to buy something for yourself. I won’t assist you. _

Jeremy nodded along, he changed back and bought the shirt. 

_ I don’t see what one shirt can change but, okay….  _ Jeremy walked into the next clothing store without really looking at what it offered.

He went over to a blue and white stripped tee shirt. 

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, that’s a girls shirt. _

_ I know. I like it. _

_ SQUIP: That’s disgusting.  _

Jeremy ignored the voice and went over to try to find his size. 

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, if you continue I’m going to shock you. _

_ You’re the second...person… to comment on the way I dress today. I don’t see what’s so bad about liking these-- _

A jolt went through his body, it was caused more by the hand that tapped him on his shoulder, then the drug. He turned and faced Chloe and Brooke. They were holding large plastic cups of iced coffee, and both girls looked annoyed and confused as why he was there. Breaking into the same world as them.

“Jerry?” Chloe arched an eyebrow and folded her arms. The ice in the half empty cup rattled.

“Uh… It’s  _ Jeremy.”  _  He corrected her. This time a shock went down his back.

_ SQUIP: Posture. _

“You shop here? That’s kinda creepy.” Chloe’s eyes were scanning him, taking in all of his flaws and insecurities.

“Oh yeah, uh, all the ti--”

_ SQUIP: Never. _

“Never, is what I meant to say.” Jeremy forced a laugh out. Chloe’s eyes landed on the shirt that was gripped in Jeremy's hand.

“Is that a  _ girl's  _ shirt?” Her voice was snippy.

“I mean, okay, you’re the third person to say that to--”

Jeremy's arm fell on the table that had the shirts. He gripped onto it as electricity went through him.

_ SQUIP: Save yourself. Greet the other one. _

“--Hey, Brooke!” Jeremy smiled through the pain, it probably looked awkward and forced. 

It was.

Brooke gave him a smile though, it was chipper. “Hey,” as quick as it appeared, it was gone.

_ SQUIP: She’s insecure about her looks, tell her that she’s sexy. _

“I can’t say that--aH!!” Jeremy bit his lip to hide his pain. 

“Are you alright?” She asked, she stepped a bit forward. Chloe stopped her from moving closer with a cold stare.

“Fine! Great, uh, just… Um…” Jeremy stammered, taking even more pain. “You--You look really cute! That-that’s all I wanted to say…”

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, I have been with you for a number of hours and I already wish to be dead. You make me want to die. _

Brooke smiled again, it lasted longer this time. “Thanks.” 

Jeremy couldn’t help but smile back.

Chloe rolled her eyes, she unfolded her arms, taking a sip of her coffee and snapped at Jeremy.

“Why are you here!” She demanded. Her voice caused a silence around the other shoppers. 

_ SQUIP: Jeremy. Let me take control. I’m going to save you from this. _

_ What do you-- _

Jeremy felt his body buckle and his mind go blank. 

“I was dating a girl who had a shirt just like this.” Jeremy heard himself say. His voice sounded hollow, like it was stolen. It sounded calm and cool with a hint of mystery. “I saw it in the window and was overcome with memories of her.”

Chloe straightened out and became unbridled. “Who was this mystery girl?”

“Madeline.” Jeremy answered.  _ You can’t say that! She hooked up with Jake! She can’t be--She couldn’t have dated me. _

_ SQUIP: I have this. _

_ No. _

Jeremy shook his head and felt himself get grounded again. “She broke up with me.” He said.

“She did?” Brooke spoke up, she actually sounded worried. 

“Yeah…--”

Jeremy felt himself get stolen again. “Actually, she was cheating on me. So  _ I  _ broke up with  _ her. _ ” The Squip said with Jeremy's voice.

“I told you she was a slut!” Chloe turned to Brooke and beamed. Jeremy tried to hide his confused face.

“You’re a lot better off without her, Jeremy.” Brooke touched Jeremy gently on his arm.

“Obviously, God, who does Madeline think she is!” Chloe hissed and turned to Brooke, ranting about the supposed slut. Jeremy gave her a smile.

_ What just happened? _

_ SQUIP: To get people to like you, you need to have the same opinions as them. Now watch, Chloe is going to cling to that fact about you. Brooke will follow. _

Jeremy nodded to what the Squip was saying. 

 

“Hey, Jeremy, we were gonna leave. Do you want to come with us?” Brooke asked out of the blue. 

“Oh, uh…”

_ SQUIP: Yes. _

“..Yes, but, I was gonna maybe meet up with my friend Michael.” 

_ SQUIP: No. _

“Oh… Are you sure?”

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, say that you will accept the offer. _

“We can drop you off at your place. Even stop to get frozen yogurt.” Brooke gave him another smile. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks though. Maybe next time, Brooke.” Jeremy managed to get out as more shocks were going through him from the Squip’s annoyance.

“I’ll hold you on that,” Brooke joked as the two girls started to make their way out of the store. Chloe was close to grabbing Brookes arms and pulling her along. “I was also cheated on once, so if you ever want to talk, I’m free!” 

“Brooke, come  _ on!”  _ This time, Chloe did drag her out of the store by the arm. 

“Bye, Jeremy!” She called to him.

He waved to her a good-bye as well.

The Squip didn’t speak up to him as he went and bought the shirt, and left the store. 

“That...I can’t believe that happened! Thank--Thank you.” Jeremy voiced as he left the mall. “I have to call Michael! I have to tell him about you!”

_ SQUIP: You? Jeremy, I can assure you that I am not doing any of this. You’re my user, I give you suggestions, and all you have to do is obey. _

Jeremy took his phone out of his bag and and was scrolling through his contacts to find Michael.

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, I’m going to be serious for a second with you. _

Jeremy couldn’t find his friend’s name. He searched through his messages. No Michael.

_ SQUIP: I might know how to make you be more chill, but you have to do as I say. I have to reconstruct you from the bottom up.  _

“Okay…” Jeremy muttered, he wasn’t paying attention to what the Squip was saying. He was more concerned at where his friends contact went.

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, listen to me. You need to accept that the way your heading is wrong. Listen and obey me and I can lead you down a better path. _

Jeremy blinked, he rubbed his eyes to try and gather his thoughts.

“Jeremy…” A familiar voice said.

“What!’ He lashed out, opening his eyes to his grey manifestation of the Squip. He looked down at the cement, nails digging into his palms. “Sorry--Sorry. I’m just…”

“Don’t apologize.” The Squip said. The figure looked perfect in the setting sun. “Today has been long, let’s get you home. We can finish all the things that I need to repair for you when we get home.” 

Jeremy took a breath. “I’m gonna have to walk home.”

“That’s fine. You’re not alone, I can give you company.”

Jeremy put his phone away and started to make the trek to his house. It wouldn’t be long. 

“What other things can you change for me?” Jeremy started the conversation, he made sure to stand straight. 

“Well, a lot really. I have some ideas of what to change. First I need to erase the you that people know. Then build on an empty slate.”

_ Like Rich.  _ “Sounds hard.”

“It might be, but as long as you agree with me, it should be quick…” The manifestation distorted away.

_ SQUIP: Are you ready to start making changes? _

_ Sure.  _

_ SQUIP: First, you need to accept that right now, you’re nothing. You’re terrible. _

“I’m nothing. I’m terrible…” The words didn’t hold that much weight, it was normal for him to think this.

_ SQUIP: Are you embarrassed by yourself? _

_ Isn’t everyone? _

_ SQUIP: To an extent, the difference being… Well, do you wish you were dead because of how you act? _

“Oh, yeah…” Jeremy muttered. 

_ SQUIP: Then there we go. Let’s start building up the new you… _

  
  


Jeremy woke up the next morning, and went to his computer.

He was half-asleep when a jolt of electricity woke him up fully.

“I was… Just gonna check my email!” Jeremy said, his head on his desk from the pain.

_ SQUIP: You can’t lie to me Jeremy. I analyzed your normal morning habits, and you wake up every morning and masterbate. _

“...And?”

_ SQUIP: From now on, everytime you think of sex that will equal the amount of push ups you do. Because of the repressed homosexual thoughts you have, that will double it. _

Jeremy let out a moan of pain, feeling as though the pain from yesterday was hitting him like a truck. 

_ SQUIP: Let’s go! Get away from your computer and start your day!! _

 

Jeremy rode the bus to school again and walked the halls. His vision was highlighting everyone that he passed by.

_ SQUIP: Don’t talk with anyone in the morning, just get your books and head to class. _

Jeremy obeyed; he grabbed his books quickly and walked his way to class. He waved to Brooke and Chloe when he passed them. 

They waved back.

Jenna gave him a thumbs up and pointed at his shirt.

He smiled back at her, before feeling arms around his shoulders, pushing him aside.

“Yo, tall-ass! How was yesterday?” Rich gave him a smile. 

_ SQUIP: Was this the boy that recommended you get me? _

_ Yeah. _

_ SQUIP: His Squip should work harder. _

Jeremy just stared at him, he had a loss of words.

_ What do I say to him? _

“Are you listening, tall-ass?”

_ SQUIP: Leave it to me. _

“Uh, well...” Jeremy started and watched as the Squip appeared next to Rich. The Squip’s grey hands touched Rich’s forehead and his neck. Then the figure was gone.

Rich jolted, then gave Jeremy a smile. “Shit dude! You got it! Congrats. I was actually hoping that you’d pay me to get it for you, but this is good. Yeah, this is fine.” A hand went up and rubbed the back of his neck, his smile faltered for a second.  “Things are kinda rough right now at home, but, I’m happy that you got it.”

“Is everything okay?” Jeremy asked, he generally cared to know. A curiosity that was more out of wonder then concern.

“Yeah, it’s just my dad…” Rich’s smile dissolved completely. Jeremy watched as he went into himself, looking down at the tiled hallway floor, uncertain at what to say. He scratched his arm.

“Mine too. Drinking problem and all.” Jeremy heard himself say.

The comment made Rich meet his gaze. He stifled out a laugh. “Dad’s right?” He took out his phone in a quick motion. 

“Listen, he usually passes out by nine, if you want you can come over and chill. We can play videogames or something, the Squip makes a lot of normal things really cool to do.”

He gave his phone to Jeremy, “put your number in. I’ll text you.”

Jeremy did, and the two separated, exchanging a friendly wave.

_ What was that about? _

_ SQUIP: I synced with his Squip, Gained all of his knowledge. Another thing to do to get people to like you is to have a similar background. _

_ That was so cool. _

Suddenly Jeremy's own phone buzzed and an unknown number had texted him:

 

**Unknown Number:** It’s Rich, we should definitely hang out!

 

Jeremy couldn’t help but smile as he added the contact to his phone.

 

**Rich:** I’m still in the play, so if you want we can hang out after that. What’s your schedule like? You weren’t in rehearsal yesterday, but I understand why.

**Rich:** Squips, am I right. C;

 

_ Holy crap that was adorable. _

Jeremy felt a shock pass through him, he winced as he replied.

 

**Jeremy:** Totally. I should be there today.

 

The day went by quickly, Jeremy was riding high on the chance to see Rich in the afternoon. 

_ SQUIP: You’re so alone that you get an almost Euphoric feeling when you get a new friend. _

_ Is that weird? _

_ SQUIP: It’s not a chill way to go through life. If you keep this up, you’ll come off as clingy to others… _

_ SQUIP: Although, this is a positive change from your previous life. _

_ Are you going to shock me for it? _

_ SQUIP: For the Euphoric feeling itself? No.  _

_ SQUIP: But I will for the homosexual thoughts. _

_ Why are you so against that by the way? _

_ SQUIP: It’s disgusting. Procreation is necessary for life, and for becoming the perfect, chill person that you want to become. _

 

Jeremy was standing outside of the auditorium.

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, I was looking through your memory banks.  _

_ Are you about to list off another thing wrong with me. _

_ SQUIP: On the contrary, I wanted to say something that someone once said to you. _

_ And what would that be?  _ Jeremy blinked and rubbed his eyes. He was still getting used to the new way of seeing. He looked around the halls and noticed that sometimes, very rarely, there was a tear in his view. Like static walking across the screen. 

_ SQUIP: I’m going to help you survive, Jeremy. In fact, I’m going to help you more than survive. _

 


	6. A Guy That I'd Never Be Into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into Michael's life.
> 
> What do you get when you combine a guy with social anxiety and has been harboring a crush on his best friend, and an over active teenage mind?  
> A whole lot of subconscious thoughts about kissing said best friend.  
> Spanish proverb: ¿Quieres que te ame? Al hombre se le conquista por su estómago. (Do you want him to love you? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This chapter is very gay. Like, I wish I could change the rating on this fanwork, just for this chapter. Because, I don't know what teens and up read, and I do know that for a very long time LGBT content was viewed as something for a mature audience, so I guess that's what my mind is saying about this. Maybe this dream sequence is something teens would read.  
> Also, if you didn't get the memo from the tags of this work, or the small gestures, Michael is gay, and is basically in love with best friend.  
> On a serious note: I was in the middle of writing this chapter when I first started publishing this fanwork on here. The amount of love, and attention to detail I have put into this chapter is immense.  
> Again, thanks to Popurikat on tumblr for all the help. Your comments will stay on the doc, because I like reading them, they make smile.  
> I rewrote the song, A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into, to fit this point of view. It went from a cute song to a sad song...
> 
> I hope you all enjoy reading it, as much as I have enjoyed writing it.  
> \--SKQuill

 

Michael entered his dim house, announcing a greeting to the silent rooms.

“I’m home!” He slipped his shoes off and started to make his way to his room. The house was quiet, both parents had gone to work. They were both doctors, working in the same hospital and under the same late hours. Michael slid his headphones off, he had the music playing louder than normal to sing along to in the silence. The only noise was the music, creaks in the stairs, and the pitter of socks meeting the floor as Michael went to his room.

He kept the door ajar, even though he knew he’d have the place to himself for the night. When he sat at his desktop computer, he placed his backpack next to his chair. The computer awoke and started to load it’s normal contents. 

Michael brought a leg up on the chair, resting his face on his knee.

The bag was staring at him, his music was speaking to him.

Waiting In Vain by Bob Marley.

The letters “RIENDS” kept staring at him. His music continued, Michael bobbed his head to it. 

Once the bag had burned holes into the boy, Michael finally sat back and took out his phone.

No new messages.

No nothing.

A conversation starter.

 

**Michael:** Hey Jer, you still alive? Or are you now just a reanimated corpse, impersonating my best friend? C:

 

he stared at his phone and waited, letting a few minutes trickle by. Nothing. A conversation restarter.

 

**Michael:** Listen… I’m kinda worried about you. When I left the mall, you just looked really tired and, well, kinda scared.

**Michael:** If you’re not feeling good--

_ Delete. _

**Michael:** If you want to talk--

_ No. _

**Michael:** I think you’re cool. You’re so cool, and it kills me sometimes that you can’t see that. I don’t think this drug can make you feel better, but if it does and you do get to see how amazing you are… Seeing you, smiling at yourself, cause you see everything that I see when I look at you. Damn, that--that would make my year…

_ What are you saying? _

**Michael:** I’ve actually been meaning to tell you something---

“What am I thinking…” Michael stopped his typing, his finger jammed itself on the backspace, the confession disappearing before it even got the light of day. With another swipe he stopped the music from playing, and before silence could choke him, he kicked his bag so the writing was out of his view.

Now he sat in a cemented silence. 

What escaped his lips was a trembling, scared sigh that he tried to disguise as a laugh. Michael would talk to himself when silence was his only company. 

“He looked  _ so _ scared…” Michael recalled the way Jeremy's face looked. His friend had a wobble to his body. When Jeremy returned to the table, his skin was a pale white, eyes looked sunken. He looked on the verge of collapse. The smile Jeremy gave Michael was the hardest to grasp.

It made Michael's chest ache; usually that smile made Michael feel like he was soaring. 

_ What if he collapsed right there? Would he still lie and say that everything was fine?  _

“He’s fine. He’ll be fine.” Michael told himself. “We’ll talk during lunch and I’ll ask him--”

_ You’ll ask him out? _

“--I’ll ask him how he’s doing.” Michael had to stop his own thoughts. “Besides, he’s interested in Christine. He’d never date someone like me.” Bury those thoughts down, and deal with them later. 

He laid on his bed, sleep unobtainable. His mind always seemed to race the later it got.

_ I wonder if he thinks about me, as much as I think about him. _

Darkness swallowed him, and unconscious, his dreams manifested his desires; no matter how well he could hide his blush, or how many times he stopped himself from closing the small gap between him and his best friend. His dreams were his worst enemy, and also his best escape. They pulled at him during the day and finally got what they wanted at night.

Michael’s dreams wanted him to smile. They dripped light and formed an apparition that did finish what Michael started. Closing the gap between them with the soft touch of lips. 

Jeremy’s lips were always soft, he’d either ask or calmly mutter for Michael to kiss him. Michael always did.

Michael’s hands would roam from Jeremy’s neck to his chestnut hair. The gesture produced a laugh from him, breaking the quiet kiss. “If you keep that up,  _ I’m  _ gonna get grabby.” Jeremy whispered, touching his forehead to Michael’s. It was cool despite the rays of sun that were seeping in and making Jeremy glow. 

“Please do…” Michael stole another kiss from him as the plea slipped out of his mouth. The rest of the area came into view, it slipped out of the shadows when it need be. They were sitting in Jeremy's room, in the bean bag chairs. Socks lightly gliding on the hardwood floor, hands gently wandering. Another exchange of breathy smiles before they went back to kissing. Jeremy’s fingers laced around Michael's neck. The kiss got rougher, lasting longer with each breath. Michael opened his eyes slightly and took in the boy for a moment. Jeremy’s hands tugged at Michael, sliding to his hoodie and latching onto that. Michael broke their lips apart and gave him a smile.

Jeremy’s eyes stayed closed for another second, his fingers loosened around his hoodie. Michael gently cupped his cheek. 

“What?” Jeremy asked, his right hand glided over to Michaels free hand, intertwining their fingers. The sun continued to spill through the room.

“It’s just,” Michael took the boy in for another moment. His eyes wandering from his soft hair to his lengthy frame. Jeremy dressed comfortable, his wardrobe was nothing but graphic tee shirts. All women's sized. All Jeremy sized. Michael took notice of the small rise and fall of his friends chest, collecting air before losing it all with another kiss. “You really are cooler than a vintage cassette.” 

Jeremy laughed, the rising color in his cheeks glowed like crystallized rose quartz.

He sank deeper into the bean bag chair, the beads shifted around at the weight. The two stayed like that for a moment that seemed to last forever. Michael, shifting his weight so he wasn’t fully on top of his friend; and Jeremy, staring into his brown eyes.  
“Not to ruin the moment, but where’s your dad?” The questioned the two of them out of their own thoughts. It hung in the air for a bit.  
“Work, he won’t be back till late. Why?” Jeremy’s answer held a weight to it. Michael had to blink away a sudden pain in his head. The room shifted both in tones and space.  
For a moment, a split second, Michael was alone in darkness. Everything was a choking silence. But before he could question it, ask the sudden shift a simple question--Why? How? What’s going on?--he was back in his best friends room. The sun quickly sinking, its rays disappearing off of Jeremy.   
“Just wondering.” He muttered.  
“More like worrying.” Jeremy’s eyebrows arched. Genuine concern. “What’s up?”  
Michael attempted to play it cool. “I just had a question is all, it’s kinda stupid.”  
“Michael, you’re practically straddling me on a bean bag chair. Everything in this moment is stupid.” His friend let out a chuckle. It did calm the boys’ nerves.  
_True._   
Michael traced his finger down Jeremy’s face. “I was just thinking that, since you’re still kinda healing up from what Rich did to you… If you wanted to move to a more comfortable place--er--position?” Michael was tongue tied by his own question. He was as new at this as Jeremy was. Nervous, and constantly wondering what the other person is thinking.   
“What did you have in mind?”   
_Don’t look at his bed. Do NOT look at his bed._   
Michaels eyes drifted to Jeremy’s bed that sat in the corner of the room. It was the same blue shade that Jeremy’s room was covered in. Any and all shades of blue were covered in his room. Michael gave his friend an awkward grin. “No idea, bud…” He muttered. Jeremy could tell what he was referencing.  
  


The sheets got ruffled as their bodies fell on it, shuffling to get comfortable in-between as they fell over each other. The temperature in the room skyrocketed as Michael started to kiss Jeremy’s jaw line, moving down his neck. Jeremy tried to hide his smile with his hand. “You could have told me that you wanted to kiss like this.” His blush rose with each kiss, every time Michael went lower and lower down on him.    
“I wanted to surprise you.” Michael said after kissing his collarbone. He started to go up his neck again.   
“Well consider me--Oh _ , my God!”  _ The gasp that came from Jeremy was because of the hickey Michael just finished leaving on his neck. 

“Is that okay? Are you alright?” Michael stopped and looked at Jeremy. His face was red from embarrassment, and truthfully, Michael was kinda turned on by his voice.    
“Fine…” Jeremy’s voice cracked.    
“I just want to let you know, that that was _ really _ cute.” Michael reassured him as Jeremy placed his hands over his blushing face--letting out a sound of detest. “Would you mind if I heard you make that again?” Michael talked in a whisper as he took Jeremy’s hands away from his red face. “I know you’re self-conscious of yourself, and I wouldn’t blame you for feeling that way.” Michael started to run a hand through Jeremy’s hair. “It’s just, you make me so happy, and I want you to see that.” He placed a kiss on his cheek.    
“I’m just, worried about like, what if my dad sees--What if he barges in and we’re like this. What if he sees a mark...” Jeremy ended the sentence with muttered apologizes. “Sorry, I’m ruining the mood! We were having fun and I just ruined it by--” Michael couldn’t stop himself. In a quick motion, he pulled Jeremy close and shut him up with a hard kiss. They’re teeth clattered together on impact.    
_ Focus on right now, Jeremy. It’s just you and me right now.  _ That’s what the rough kiss was supposed to say. They broke apart, panting. “Jeezus Christ,” Jeremy said it in between gasps. “What is with you…. And surprising me…” Michael didn’t have to answer, he enjoyed the smirk on his friend’s face as he caught his breath.    
“Gotta keep you on your toes.” Michael started to move back to his lower neck and collarbone. He left trails of kisses down his neck, and occasionally bit down on his exposed flesh. He enjoyed hearing the small noises that Jeremy would produce. Michael had a hand traveling down the small of his back, tracing over his spine, and on the fabric of his jeans. He couldn’t help the smirk rising on his lips.    
“You’re getting grabby again…” Jeremy leaned into the crook of Michaels neck, he shivered as the hand that was previously in his hair traveled down, under his shirt. “ _ Very  _ grabby…” Jeremy was radiating heat. A combination of embarrassment and lust. The lengthy boy curled his fingers around the familiar red hoodie as Michael pressed a leg in-between his crotch. A moan came out of his mouth.    
_ That was so fucking cute.  _ Michael desperately wanted to remove Jeremy's jeans. There was something really satisfying about the noise he made. Instead, he lifted Jeremy’s shirt and started to trail kisses down his chest.    
He could feel his ribs against his lips. The rise and fall of Jeremy’s breathing. When he got to the front of his friends jeans, he hesitated. The boy started to clear his throat as if to say something. He glaced at Jeremy, who was lying completely on his back.    
_ Fuck, is he biting his lip.  _ Michael thought he saw the small, white appearance of teeth on his friends lower lip. Jeremy’s eyes were closed, his cheeks were a dusted rosy red, he was holding back a deep moan. Enjoying the intimate moment. Jeremy didn’t even look at Michael as he breathed out a simple two words. It made the boy's heart stop. “Michael,  _ please… _ ”    
_ Holy fucking fuck.  _  Michael started to unbutton his friends jeans, He felt Jeremy's own hand run through his styled hair. He couldn’t help smiling as the jeans started to slide down. Revealing a sliver of his friends boxers.   
  
  


The setting sun poured through the room, its rays lit the entire area where the dim light failed to reach. Jeremy bucked his hips as Michael pressed his lips to the chestnut haired boys inner thigh.    
“Michael…” Jeremy whined, his voice dripping with pleasure. His hands tugged at Michaels hair as he continued to leave marks, “ _ Fuck~”  _ his friend moaned.   
“What do you want me to do?” Michael teased.   
“Wa...ke...up…” Jeremy muttered so softly that Michael had to lift his head to hear it, he arched an eyebrow.    
“Excuse me?”   
“Wake up.” Jeremy’s mouth moved, but the voice wasn’t his. It sounded strangely familiar.    
The surrounding started to deteriorate, melting into another recognized setting.   
Michael’s own room.   
“Michael, time to get up!” The voice of his mother came from his closed door. He heard her footsteps fade before he threw off his blankets. In the early morning darkness he saw something fall to the floor. A black journal.   
_ That’s usually under my pillow.  _ He went and picked up the book. “Why would it be…” His habit of muttering to himself was cut short as he started to frantically flip through the pages, eyes darting to the last entry. The journals movement meant he wrote something down in it, and didn’t recall it. Chicken scratched onto the page was a date.   
Chicken scratched onto the page was a date, he had scribbled out a  _ very  _ indepth scene. Reading it over as he steadily woke up, A red blush crawled on his skin, his memory was jogged with each word. As odd as it was--keeping a dream journal that contained only snippets of forgetful moments with the dream version of his best friend--he couldn’t hide his smile that appeared in the dark room.    
“Why can’t I have that much confidence in real life.” The habit of muttering to himself was taken from his best friend, the real Jeremy, not the one that Michael was just making out with. 

He stepped out of his room and started his day.   
  


“Morning,” Michael couldn’t hide the yawn that escaped as he entered the kitchen. His father was making eggs in a pan; his mother was eating an egg on toast.  
“Morning, Mike.” His father looked up from the pan, and in a swift motion tossed the egg onto a plate. Steam was produced as it sat there to cool. “The hospital needs me earlier then usual, so I thought I’d make breakfast for you guys before I left.” His father explained. The kind gesture made the teenager smile.   
“Thanks Dad.” Michael grabbed the plate and sat down at the small kitchen table. His parents exchanged a small kiss as his father took off the apron and started to make his way to the door. “Have a great day, you two.” He called from the entrance.  
“Miss you already, have a nice day!” His mother called back.  
His family was small, and full of understanding. The rare occasion of having both parents around was cherished, topped with good moments. Home cook meals, family outings, a close bond.  
_Wish Jeremy could have this life._ The teenager cut into the omelette and watched as cheese and bits of ham poured out. “Grade A, _Padre.”_ Michael muttered and started to cut more into the omelette.  
“You say that about all your Dad’s cooking.” His mother noted, she held a mug of coffee in her hands, elbows on the table. Her brown eyes took in the moment. Her child enjoying a meal before heading off to school. Mundane, small, and wonderful.  
“I say that about your cooking, too!” Michael took a piece and blew on it.   
“All your father is good at is making eggs.” His mother's laugh was small, packed with history.   
“And you’re good at cooking everything else.” The boy said it after swallowing.   
“Maybe one day, you can make breakfast.”  
“That’s too much work.”  
“You know how to cook, we’ve taught you! You enjoy it!” She had a smile the whole time.  
“I do, I’m just a basic teenager in high school though. Everything to us is hard and time consuming.”   
His mother took a sip of her coffee, she got up and planted a kiss on Michaels forehead. “I bet you could win the heart of anyone if you cooked them a meal.” She cleared her plate of crumbs, sticking her plate in the washing machine.  
“How’s your anxiety been?” The question popped up out of nowhere. It wasn’t new, mainly a check up on something that was known about.  
“Uh… Good.” Michael hesitated. “Nothing’s really changed, um, I’m still….” Michael took another bite of his breakfast. “...Still a mess--”  
“Michael…” His mother cut him off there. When he turned to face her, she wasn’t smiling. She looked hurt. “You’re not a mess. You’re trying your best, with the resources that you have.” She picked her words carefully; they were what Michael had to tell himself a lot of the time. “We’re working on a better situation, all of us. You, me, your father. We’re a team.”   
Her son smiled. “I feel bad that, you and dad are doing so much just to get me the resources to help with it. Medication, therapy… I don’t know how to repay you.”   
His mother went from the sink, she moved to him and knelt down to his height. If they stood, Michael was almost taller than her. “You can cook us a Michael Mell meal.” She kissed his head and they shared a smile. “Now start heading out, you’re gonna be late if you keep eating slow.”  
“I’m enjoying Dad’s egg-centric breakfast.”  
“Enjoy it on the go.”   
  
He arrived at school as the buses were coming in, the students were flooding the entrance. Michael had chained his scooter up to the bike rack that was in the back of the school, and went through the door that was there. He missed the crowds of teenagers that way, and they didn’t seem to notice if Michael existed or not.   
For all they knew, the razor scooter just appeared there. Everyday. Like clockwork. _No one expects to see a scooter at school._   
He walked through the door, hood up and and headphones blasting music. Crowds of people mainly ignored him for multiple reasons, one being that he gave off a loner vibe when his music was playing.. Music became an isolation, a relief, an escape. Michael started to make his way through the crowd, his eyes darting from everyone. He never could tell what they were talking about, never really cared honestly. As he waded through them, getting closer to the lockers he could catch some words, a passing conversation that got through Bob Marley…  
“...Rehearsal for play…”  
Michael looked up for a moment, and saw who was talking. He didn’t realize how short Christine was till she was standing next to Jake, who was taller than Michael, and probably the tallest in the grade. They seemed to be having a nice conversation from what Michael could gauge. He could feel his hands twitch in his pockets, moving toward the volume of his phone, and hesitating at first to turn it down.   
_They look like they’re having fun. I could try to join them…_  
Michael didn’t care about popularity, but he did like seeing people have fun. Be genuine and make others smile--That was his mantra.   
He pressed down on his phone and took in the loud voices of the hall.   
“What part are you thinking about auditioning for?” Christine asked the much taller boy, she lifted her head to try to meet his gaze.   
“Not sure, I was honestly thinking of ditching today and getting pizza.” Jake shrugged, his demeanor was incredibly relaxed.   
“That’s bad theatre etiquette! No skipping rehearsals!”  
“But…” Jake paused, his lips formed a smile. “Fine, but you gotta promise me something, Capulet.”  
_Why is he calling her that?_ __  
“It’s Christine.” She didn’t seem to be offended by it, if anything, she looked happy at the nickname. “What?”  
“You and me, we should hang out over the weekend or something! Like, just chill with some drinks, or dress up and play kubb.”  
“Uh, kubb?”   
Jake seemed to beam at her question. “It’s this super intense lawn sport! Like, the vikings would play it! Sure, all sports are intense but I’ve never played one as intense as kubb---”  
Michael walked passed them. His fingers drifted back to the volume of his music. He kept it at a normal level.

Music lyrics mixing with teen chatter.  
_It’s kinda nice._ Michael could feel himself release a shaky breath.   
_Pent up social anxiety._ _That’s all it is. I get this all the time, everyday…_  
He used music to disconnect with the noise, and that only lasted till the class started.

 

***

 

The early morning was met with kids shuffling into their first period class, English. They carried iced coffees, brown bags that contained breakfast or an early lunch. One student always got the teacher coffee.   
_ We grow up thinking teachers want apples, but instead they want what we want: to get the hell out of here as quick as possible. _   
Michael sat down and opened his page to the last note he jotted down. The professor was doing roll-call. The boy glanced at the milky sky that was pouring into the window.    
_ Why do all classrooms have big windows like this? To torture us? _   
“Where’s Richard?” The teacher’s voice carried in the room as voices quieted down. Some kids looked around, eyeing the empty desk. “Richard Goranski?”    
A drowning silence. Michael felt like the random absence was his fault in some way. If he thought hard enough, everything could be his fault.    
“I’m more worried at the fact that none of you guys are talking, then I am about Rich not being here.” The teacher stifled a laugh. “Don’t you guys have a…” He waved his hand for emphasis, as if trying to recall something. “A group chat where you say, ‘I’m gonna be late’ or ‘hey, anyone have the notes from Mr. Smith’s class’?”    
The class laughed. Someone started to mutter back a small reply, but their voice was drowned out by the loud footsteps of someone running through the halls.   
Rich burst into the classroom, bringing a gust of wind with him. He seemed to be so focused on getting there, his hand had grabbed the doorframe so he’d stop.   
“Sorry! Sorry--” He was breathless. “Sorry I’m late….” Michael stopped staring at the sky and moved to Rich, scanning him in his panicked state.    
Rich’s eyes were darting from the students to the teacher, his chest was rising and falling with each big breath. “I--I woke up with this crazy migraine and I couldn’t move, but--”   
“--I don’t need your life story, just sit down. I’ll mark you as late.”   
Rich nodded and went to his seat. Michael noticed a few things about him when he was getting his stuff out. His hands were visibly shaking, and he had this alert aura, like he just woke up from a bad dream. Michael recalled when he got to school, he saw Rich’s car in the parking lot.    
_ Should I talk to him after class, ask if he’s okay? Ask where he actually was? _ __  
A wave of concern washed over him, regular concern for someone he didn’t know. But it disappeared quickly as he recalled the dark bruises that were left on Jeremy.    
_ The weekend seems so long ago now. _   
The teacher started to talking about the book they were reading; the class settled down, and the question stopped floating through Michael’s head. He’d glance at the milky sky occasionally, then shift to Rich--who would rub his eyes as if he was trying to see better--, then to the board.   
Then the class was over.    
A single beep indicated it; like clockwork students filed out and left the room.   
_ It’s just going to be a normal day.  _ Michael told himself that as a way to ground himself.  __ Just get to lunch and see Jeremy.   
Before he walked into his next class, he checked his phone for anything.   
Nothing from his best friend, but two simple messages from his mother. She wished him a happy day at school, and that all he had to do to have a good day is to try his best.

A simple message, a kind message.   
_ Nice. _ __  
__  
“I think you just feel bad for him…” Michael heard more of a conversation as he walked through the halls. He saw the wavy brown hair of Chloe, the tips of her hair were bleached blonde. “He’s a weirdo, Brooke! I mean what guy shops at a store that’s meant for girls…”   
It wasn’t hard to connect the pieces to find out who they were talking about.  _ Jeremy. _   
“Well, he did say that he saw something that Madeline used to have--”   
“--Oh sure, I bet he was just lying for attention! Stop being so gullible, guys will use that to trick you.” Chloe instructed her friend. She didn’t seem to hold anything back.    
Brooke pursed her lips as if trying to find a new topic to talk about. She seemed to hesitate when she spoke, as if knowing that she would get shot down. “I kinda want to get to know him more.” Her voice was quiet when she spoke. “I might try to ask him out.”   
_ Stop eavesdropping, Michael.  _ He walked on, hearing the last bit of their conversation.    
“Don’t come crying to me when it doesn’t work out.”    
He took a breath as his feet steered him to the next class. “What was that about Madeline?” He muttered, the words not even vocal.  __ Why would Brooke want to ask him out?   
Maybe this wasn’t a normal day. Maybe something was happening that Michael couldn’t figure out.

 

***

 

Lunch finally came around, and Michael was practically weaving through the crowd of students. Jeremy’s locker was their meeting spot for lunch. Michaels headphones were back to blasting music. His chest was tight from hearing the conversations of the day, and his head was just now dissolving the memories of his dream.    
“Jeremy!” He called as he saw his friend standing at the locker. It was in the corner, right next to the staircase to the second floor of the building. He was shoving books into his backpack for his class after this. The BOYF was still on his bag, and Michael felt his stomach get butterflies. “Sup dude, how were your classes?” Michael stuffed his hands into his pockets and lowered his music. He gave Jeremy a smile.    
Jeremy didn’t respond.   
“Jeremy? You not awake yet?” Michael stifled a laugh, he reached out and tapped him. “Was I right? Are you just a zombie now?” His smile was faltering. Michael looked over him for a moment. His hands were hesitant when he grabbed his books, he looked pale.

“Dude, are you feeling okay?” Michael placed his headphones around his neck. His hands wrapped around Jeremy’s sleeve. A light tug.   
_ It’s a new shirt.  _ Michaels gaze drifted to Jeremy’s eyes. They looked dilated, as if he was in a dream. Now, Michael’s smile was gone completely, his butterflies disappeared and were replaced with cement blocks. He took out his phone, opened up messages and texted the boy that was standing in front of him. 

 

**Michael:** Ground control to major Jeremy. Can you hear me?   
  
He sent it. Waited for a ding of the other boys phone. Waited for him to check it.   
He never did.    
Jeremy just zipped up his bag, slung it over his shoulder and walked passed Michael like he wasn’t even there.    
_ Fuck.  _ __  
This wasn’t a dream for him. As he stood there his thoughts got louder.  __ Did I do something wrong? Is he mad at me? Dammit Michael, what the fuck did you do this time!!  He had the urge to run. To hide. To disappear.    
But he stayed like he was stuck to the floor, too shocked at the sudden change to move. No one looked at him, why would they? Michael never stood out. “At the mall, he threw up the Squip… Right?” He muttered to himself. “He said that he’d still hang out with me, even if he took it.”

_ Maybe today is just a bad day for him. I mean, he seemed uncomfortable in that shirt.  _ The concept of Jeremy having bad days wasn’t foreign. He was uncomfortable about a lot of things about himself. Michael wanted to help him like himself. 

_ I wanted him to see how much I care about him… _ His heartbeat was in his ears. His dream resurfaced, and he heard his own voice in his head.    
_ It’s just, you make me so happy, and I want you to see that…  _ That’s what he said in that dimly lit copy of Jeremy’s room. It sounded like it was so long ago. Michaels fingers were rubbing together, like how one would pinch salt. Recalling the rough fabric feel of the Eminem shirt. The  _ men’s _ shirt. Michael had gotten used to the feeling of Jeremy’s regular wardrobe, of cotton and silk that were meant to curve around parts that Jeremy didn’t have. Michael’s chest tightened, and he finally stepped away from the locker. He turned around to see the halls slowly become more and more vacant as students went to class or to the cafeteria. He expected to see Jeremy among the crowd, weaving through them so no one would notice him.    
No one resembling Jeremy was there. He saw someone that looked like Jeremy, someone who wore an eminem shirt, talking with Rich.   
Michael felt tears rising to his eyes. His heart felt heavy, like it was getting stepped on. There was something about that scene that seemed to make him sick. A bully talking to a victim like they were friends. Michael could still make out a small black and blue mark on Jeremy’s arm. He desperately wanted to go over there and kiss it.  _ Maybe this is a dream. Maybe this is just a nightmare. A never ending nightmare.  _   
He took another breath, pinching his eyes close to stop the tears. He started to walk. Striding passed the two, getting into Jeremy’s vision and looking at him one last time.    
His blue eyes were hollow, his skin was as white as a sheet. His shirt depicted an obscure rapper that no one listened to anymore, it was tight around his shoulders. His jeans were pulled down a bit, fastened to stay up with a belt. Even his smile seemed fake.   
The last time Michael saw Jeremy--The real Jeremy--was when they were playing video games. Michael so close to him that he could easily plant a kiss on his face. His nose, his cheek, his forehead, his lips.    
_ It’s your fault he’s like this now. Everything is your fault!  _ Michael wondered if the loneliness he was feeling was abandonment, a mix of regret and lost chances.  _ If I did kiss him, would he still have gotten a Squip?  _

 

***

 

Michael waited by the auditorium, the final bell had rung and he stood out there watching the students leave. It had been a few days since Jeremy started ignoring him.   
On cue, Jeremy arrived. “Today was also a good day--” He spoke up, but seemed to wince like something was wrong. “Sorry--Ow…”    
Michaels lips spread into smile. He opened the dream journal and wrote down a small note, adding it to the observations he’d made in the last few days. The journal had stopped projecting his unconscious thoughts, and started to act as a way to see if Michael could bring the old Jeremy back somehow:   
  
_ -He’s wearing clothes that don’t really suit him. _ __  
_ -A lot more sociable. Talks to Rich, Brooke, Christine… Everyone who’s in the play basically. _ __  
_ -Talks to Rich the most. _ _  
_ __  → Side note:  Rich has been coming to some classes late, under the excuse of headaches. His car is in the lot every morning.

  
Michael added the new note, still with a smile on his face…   
  
_ -Jeremy still talks to himself, but something gets in the way of that cute little habit. _   
  
Jeremy opened the door and walked in, Michael flipped his hood up and followed.  _ Detective Michael is on the case. Time for some recon. _


	7. Upgrade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something that was probably said, “You mean the world to me! Why would I leave you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPGRADE. UPGRADE. UPGRADE. 
> 
> The first scene of this chapter is just Chloe being a ruthless, cold bitch. I love her.  
> The rest is Jeremy trying his best.  
> I know you were all excited for Detective Michael... But the Squip had other plans.  
> Thanks again to my player 2, Popurikat.  
> Hope you guys enjoy reading it, as much as I love writing it.  
> -SKQuill

_ SQUIP: Just like we practiced, okay? _ __  
Jeremy walked to the stage with confidence. He held his hand up in a wave to the girls on stage. Christine waved back, she always did. Chloe rolled her eyes, Brooke gave him a shy smile, Jenna Rolan threw him a peace sign.    
“This must be a new record for you. Coming to practice everyday for four days straight.” Chloe spoke up.

_ SQUIP: She’s insecure about herself, hides it by pointing out other people’s flaws. Say something to knock her down a peg, but not rude so she won’t hate you.  _ __  
“Hey, at least I can memorize my lines.” Jeremy walked up the stairs. His eyes focused on Jenna, she was holding back a laugh.    
_ SQUIP: Wow… _ __  
Jeremy bit his lip to hide the smile.   
Chloe gave him a sneer and went over to Christine.    
Jeremy sat down in the plastic chairs, taking out a folder that held the heavily edited script of the play they were going to put on. He started to go through it. His lines, though minor, were highlighted blue.   
__ SQUIP: Executing multitasking…

.

.

.

.   
_ Complete.  _   
The blue loading bar was replaced with two profiles and sound bars. He kept his eyes on the script, while his ears seemed to be focused on the source of the sound bars. The profiles would glow to indicate who was talking.   
“So I heard you and Jake have been hanging out a lot recently!” Chloe said, she took the seat next to Christine.

“Yeah, after practice we go to the mall, or to his place and play games.” Christine gave her a smile. “Is he not coming today?”   
Chloe made a clicking noise with her tongue before she spoke. “He has a model U.N thing going on. He’s almost always busy with something... _or someone._ ” She folded her legs and gave Christine a smile, and a raised eyebrow. Relishing in that last part.  
_Why am I listening to this again?_ __  
_SQUIP: Girls tend to over share. For Chloe, well, she’s very bitter about this bond that Jake and Christine have._ __  
_Okay…._ __  
_SQUIP: You high schoolers are so one dimensional, it’s easy to pick you all apart._ __  
_Thanks…?_ __  
Jeremy flipped the page to make it look like he was reading the script.   
“That’s really cool! I didn’t know he did so much extra-curricular stuff.”   
“Yeah, he tries a lot of different things, but then just throws it aside once he’s bored.” Chloe was eyeing the door, as if she was waiting for him to walk in, to hear her shit-talking him.   
“You… You know that him and I are just friends right?” She cocked her head with every question she asked.   
“Yeah, I know--” A buzz on Chloe’s phone caused her to grab it and quickly look at it. She put it down on the chair and gave Christine a smile.   
“--’Cause,” Christine piped up. “I know, that you and him used to date. I just feel like you’re assuming something. I don’t like Jake in that way, Chloe. Uh, we’re just friends.”  
“I know!!” Her voice was loud enough to silence the people in the room. “I just want to make sure that you know that he gets tired of things quickly and can move on like nothing happened.”   
_She’s really bitter._ Jeremy’s eyes shifted to see the back of her chair, his stomach tightened at Chloe’s words. A tinge of sadness at her current state.   
“...Cool.” Christine hesitated. “I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” She gave her a smile.  
_“Awesome!”_ Chloe stood up and put a hand on Christine’s shoulder. “Because, I would hate for you to think that the reason that Jake isn’t here, is because he’s bored with you.”   
_Holy shit._ __  
_SQUIP: If I could produce laughter, I would. She’s reaching so far to make Christine jealous._ __  
The room fell into a cold silence. Chloe turned around like the conversation never happened and went back stage with Brooke. Their profiles disappeared from Jeremy’s eyes.  
_What did I just witness…_ __  
A shock through his body.  
_SQUIP: Shh, listen to Chloe…_ __  
Chloe was whispering to Brooke.  
“I hope he doesn’t invite her to his halloween party. She’s so weird, I don’t see what he sees in her.”   
Brooke spoke up, “I think you’re just a bit jealous, Chlo…”   
“I’m. Not. Jealous!” She hissed at her.   
_SQUIP: Go sit next to Christine now!_ __  
Jeremy hopped out of his chair and went over to the small girl. “Uh, is this seat taken?” He gestured to the seat that Chloe was just occupying. Christine looked at him and laughed a bit.  
“Guess not. You can take it.” They exchanged a smile before he sat down.   
An awkward silence, both of them staring in opposite directions.  
_SQUIP: Jeremy, say something!_ __  
Another shock was applied. He balled his hand to hide the pain. “Guess you could say that there’s drama, in drama class!” He laughed at his words.  
Another shock.   
_SQUIP: Never make that joke again, Jeremy._ __  
It made Christine smile though, that’s all he cared about.   
_SQUIP: Odd. I can’t seem to tap into her brain._ __  
_Why is that bad…_ “So how are you liking the revisions so far?” Jeremy prompted the question, his fingers flipped through the pages of the script. Christines hands were tightened around the sides of the plastic chair, her knuckles were white. She shook her head and blinked, then looked at Jeremy.   
“Sorry, I guess I’m a bit frazzled right now…” She muttered, her gaze went to backstage. Jeremy didn’t have to look, he knew who had made her nervous, er, ‘frazzled’ as she put it. “What did you ask, Jeremy?” She leaned closer to him as he continued to flip through the pages.   
“Oh, I just, wanted to know what you thought of the script. I guessed, since you know a lot about theater, that you’d want to do the original… But, uh,” He tried to make another crack at a joke. His body felt numb now from the previous shocks. “Now that it’s zombie-ified, I guess--I guess I just want your opinion on it.”  
“Like acting tips!” She beamed, she sat up straight, crossed her feet, her flats were tapping the stage floor.   
“Y--Yeah. Sure. What do you have in--”  
“Alright people, it’s Friday! I know that none of you want to be here so let’s just go over the show quickly and then get out of here!” Mr. Reyes shouted from the entrance, in his hand he had a large binder full of different colored paper, in the other,  a paper plate that had a Pop Tart that looked like it was saved from the toaster before it burned. He got to the front of the stage, and sat on the cushioned auditorium seat.   
“From the top…” He opened the big binder, groans of protest poured in from Brooke and Chloe. The stage was already set up for the first scene. “‘Athens, er, _Georgia._ We’re at the Center for Disease Control’. Take us there, Ms. Rolan.” He gestured to Jenna, as she stood on stage with a clipboard in hand and a large lab coat. She had a snapback on that read ‘Queen’.   
Her face was buried in her script as she spoke. “Now fair, Hip-Hippo..lyta?” She started, and gestured across the stage toward Brooke and Chloe. “Our time draws near, bring me Patient Zero!”   
They walked into the makeshift doctors office, Chloe let out a small fake cough.   
“Doctor,” Brooke started, she was playing Hermia. “Why is her cheek so pale? How chance the roses there fade so fast?” She placed herself closer to Chloe and with a swoop of her hand motioned toward their complexion.   
“Clearly, she has been attacked in the wasteland. There are rumors going around that the cause of those attacks is from fairies. Some say it’s spirits trying to get revenge, others say that it’s that hostile alien race that visited us thousands of years ago… On that midsummer night...”  
Jenna started to monologue, her voice was flat for the most part as she read from the script. Jeremy leaned closer to Christine. “So Jake isn’t coming?” From where they were sitting, the small whisper of conversation was drowned out by Jenna’s stale monologue.  
“Guess not.” Christine’s sentences were short, her eyes kept going from Jenna to Jeremy’s script. Reading over the words quicker then Jenna could mispronounce the names. Jeremy watched as her lips read along, forming the words so quietly that he couldn’t hear her, pronouncing the names correctly and hands fiddling with her skirt, as if she was itching to get up on stage and do the whole show by herself.   
_She cares so much about this. That’s really sweet._ Jeremy couldn’t help but stare at her, a small smile on his lips.   
_SQUIP: Jeremy, stop staring._  
The room seemed to get quiet, all the people disappeared, all the voices disappeared. It was just Christine, fully immersed in the show. Everyone else, even Jeremy, was invading that. He admired that about her.   
“Mr. Heere,” Jeremy was brought back to see everyone looking at him. Mr. Reyes had called his name. The teacher’s arms were crossed and he was looking at the spaced out teen. “If you’re sharing your script with Ms. Canigula that must mean that you’ve memorized your whole part. But if that was true, you’d know that your cue has passed and now you’re halting the show.” Jeremy felt an embarrassed blush on his cheeks. There weren’t a lot of people in the room, but he could feel their gaze on him.   
_They hate me. They freaking hate me._  
“So enlighten us, _Jeremy.”_ The teenager felt as if a knife went through his chest when Mr. Reyes said his name. He took a deep breath, and stood up. His words were stuck in his throat. Hands growing sweaty and gripping the ends of his shirt. He felt uncomfortable. Everything about him felt uncomfortable.   
_What do I say?!_ __  
_SQUIP: It’s okay! I got this…_ __  
When the Squip spoke, Jeremy felt everything melt away. He was still getting used to the Squip taking control of his body, the experience of suddenly losing the grip of his own free will was odd. It always felt like he was falling. Jeremy cleared his throat and spoke. “If we zombies have offended, think but this and all is mended. That we have but landed here--whilst these ships did appear--and this weak and idle theme, well, it’s no more yielding but a dream.” His voice was more mysterious when the Squip was in control, more confidant. A lot better than Jeremy could ever speak. The Squip raised Jeremy’s arms as if he was studying the other people in the auditorium. Right arm supporting his other elbow, his fingers tracing Jeremy’s lips, an eyebrow arched. “Or is it?” The Squip finished, and was staring directly at Mr. Reyes. Jeremy heard the teacher clapping, then felt himself get pulled back into his own head.   
“Well, I think that everyone should look at Mr. Heere as an example. Such an amazing commitment to the craft!  
_SQUIP: You’re welcome!_ __  
Jeremy lowered his arms and sat back down. He glanced at Christine, she seemed mesmerized by him. “That was amazing!! I thought you really needed acting tips but you just blew everyone out of the water!! Oh my gosh that was so cool! Maybe I should get tips from you!” She giggled when she flashed him a smile. It reminded Jeremy of something, or someone. The same genuine smile and laugh, it made Jeremy’s heart warm, it made him feel a pain in his chest because he couldn’t remember who had done the same thing.   
“Why else would I be here, if not to…” His brain was rattling as he was trying to remember. “Show how much I enjoy theater.”   
_SQUIP: It’s not important. Don’t focus so hard on something that the old you would. This is the new Jeremy. This is the Jeremy that wants to win Christine. The Jeremy from a few days ago is dead._  
_Right. Sorry._ __  
_SQUIP: Don’t apologize, it’s normal to feel bad about the old you when you start to make positive changes. Just remember, I’m here to help you become somebody. I’m here to help you in more ways than to just survive._ __  
“Can I ask you something?” Christine brought him back to reality again.  
_SQUIP: Yes! She trusts you!_  
“Sure, you can ask me anything…”  
She gave him another smile. “How do you think people should go about being friends? Like me and Jake, we’re nothing but friends, but people assume we’re dating and it’s just starting to get annoying! I feel like I’m getting pushed into a wall, and people are kind of forcing me to go out with him. Does that make sense?”  
Jeremy was frozen.   
_SQUIP: Well this sure has become an issue._ __  
“Oh! Well, I think that, if you like him, you should be open about it. If you want to date him that is…”  
_SQUIP: You’re going to make this worse by saying that._ __  
“But, I don’t like him like that. Everyone thinks I do, but… but I've never been interested in someone enough to date them.” Christine sat back in her chair. “Do _you_ think I like him like that?”  
“What! No, no! I was just saying that, like, if you two want to stay friends you should say that to him. Because there could be other people that want to date you.” Jeremy saw the blue bars that were around his eyes turn red as he started to panic.   
__SQUIP: JEREMY. WARNING WARNING.  
“Like who?”  
“Uh…” 

_ SQUIP: Activating tear ducts _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_ Executing. _

Suddenly Jeremy felt hot tears spill from his eyes.    
“Are you okay?”   
“Yeah! No! No, I mean, crap! I mean… I have to go--” He got up and left the stage, speeding out of the auditorium. Everyone was watching him. He thought he heard someone call his name.   
His legs took him to the back entrance of the school. He sat on the small set of stairs there, in a ball.    
“What the  _ fuck _ was that about!!” He screamed. He was aggressively wiping the tears from his cheeks.    
_ SQUIP: I needed to get you out of there! You were making the situation worse! And as you were talking to Christine, I was trying to analyze her. Not only is it impossible to read her, but I don’t see why you want to be with someone who is that slow on the uptake of things!! _ __  
“What is that supposed to even mean!” Jeremy ignored the shocks that ran through his body as he spoke out loud.   
__ SQUIP: Simply, she’s unfit to be with you! She doesn’t see you as relationship material, she doesn’t see anyone as relationship material!

The image of Christines smile flashed through his head, followed by more shocks as he was trying to remember where he saw that last. Who would smile at him like that?    
_ SQUIP: Stop trying to avoid this conversation by bringing up repressed thoughts!! And anyway, are you sure you want  _ her _? I’m already looking at other candidates that would work. Girls that would be willing to be in a relationship with you. _ __  
The tears weren’t stopping anytime soon, and Jeremy was tired of rubbing his wet hands on his jeans.    
_ SQUIP: We can make it a gradual process, a ladder if you will. Christine can be the goal, but first we need to get your popularity up.  _   
“That sounds like I’ll just be using people to get what I want.”   
_ SQUIP: No, no no no. This is high school, everyone does that. Everything is a ladder that people have to climb, everything is a contest. _   
“So then how do I do that? Where do I start, how do I make Christine the end goal?   
_ SQUIP: Simple. You get an upgrade. _ __  
“Wh-what does that me--”   
The door opened behind him, standing there was Brooke. She saw Jeremy, tears and all, and closed the door in a quiet manner. She sat down next to him. “I’ve been looking for you!” She gave him another quick and kind smile.   
“Sorry---Sorry, I don’t know why I started crying, or why I just bolted out of there, or…”   
“Hey, hey, it’s okay!” Jeremy felt another shock up his body as he had flashes of a similar gesture. The same worried and kind smile. “If I was in your shoes, which I love by the way, I’d be crying to!” Jeremy’s eyes went to the new pair of converse that he’d gotten with the Squip, to Brooke. He didn’t say anything.   
“I heard it was a freak accident that killed him. I never really liked his music, his lyrics were really out there and he just seemed like a bad kinda guy but,” she shrugged. Her top was black with bumblebees on it, her skirt had a floral pattern. She had an unbuttoned yellow sweater on that hung around her shoulders. “You seem to like him, so I won’t stop you for liking Em’n’em.”   
The tears kept falling down Jeremy’s confused face.    
_ DID YOU KILL EM’N’EM? _ __  
_ SQUIP: You can’t prove anything. There was a chance that he would be killed and it just so happened to, well, happen. I didn’t kill him. I just knew he was going to die. Humans die, everything dies. You’re going to die. Brooke is going to die. I don’t see what the problem is. _ __  
“Oh my God…” Jeremy muttered, he felt himself start rock back and forth. He started to sputter and choke out sobs. “I can’t believe he’s dead.”   
_ Em’n’em is fucking dead! He’s fucking dead, and you killed him. _ __  
_ SQUIP: You’re thinking too much about that. _ _  
_ __ “ You don’t have to be alone right now.” Suddenly Jeremy felt Brookes arm around him. Bringing him closer to her and her cute bumblebee themed outfit. He had the urge to rest his head on her shoulder.

She looked at him, smiled then looked out at the parking lot. “This is my favorite place behind the school. It’s well-hidden, secluded….. Quiet.”    
_ SQUIP: Jeremy, Brooke has a better social standing. Get her, win her over.  _ __  
“It’s like, the one place you can go to escape the pressure of school, and the pressure of being a person.” She looked at Jeremy, “does that make sense?”   
_ SQUIP: No, but agree with her. _ __  
“Uh, kind of… Why-why did you come to get me?” Jeremy felt another pang, a familiar feeling, followed by small shocks.    
“‘Cause you looked like you needed someone to talk to.” Her free hand went and wiped his tears, which stopped once she did that. Her hand stayed there for a bit, thumb tracing his cheek and her hand cupping his face.    
_ SQUIP: Do you have any experience in kissing people? _ __  
_ No… Why? _ __  
Suddenly Jeremy felt himself move forward, as if he got kicked in the back. His lips crashed onto Brooke’s. She let out a squeak.

It lasted a second.   
“Oh my god, I am so sorry, I-I don’t know why I did that!” Jeremy sputtered out, feeling a blush on his face. Brooke seemed amused at his panicked state.   
“That was pretty ballsy for someone who was just mourning the death of their favorite rapper.” She smiled. The other teenager really liked her smile. It was rare, he wanted to make it last longer. She dropped her arm from his shoulders, her hands wrapped around the fabric of his shirt and she pulled him into another kiss.    
_ SQUIP: I didn’t plan for this at all!! But this is just fantastic.  _ __  
Jeremy couldn’t focus on the Squip’s words, he was too stiff and confused at what to do at the moment.    
“You’re so awkward. That’s really adorable, really cute.” Brooke said after she broke the kiss.    
“Th-thanks? I just don’t really know what to do… In this situation…”   
_ SQUIP: Don’t admit that, you idiot!! _ __  
“‘This situation’? Seriously, you’re so cute!” Brooke’s smile was back. “Do you call everything that? Is everything a situation for you?”   
“I mean, kinda, I’m generally really awkward.” Jeremy smiled back at her. He bit his lip as the Squip screamed at him, releasing two more waves of electricity.

“Hey, do you wanna go out sometime?” Brooke asked out of the blue.   
“But we’re already outs--”   
_ SQUIP: Don’t you dare finish that sentence. _   
“I mean, sure. What do you have in mind, or what do you want to do?”    
“Oh, well we could--” She stopped when her phone started to buzz, the instant noise made Jeremy jump. “Crap, okay, we can talk about this later, but Mr. Reyes is wondering where we went.” She started to get and up and Jeremy followed. They walked back to the auditorium, and before they walked in, Brooke kissed him on the cheek. “What happened out there, that was just between us, ‘kay?”   
“Yeah… Just between us, at your favorite place at school.” Jeremy tried to hide his smile. Brooke opened the doors and they walked in.    
“Found him! Sorry, he just needed some air after finding out that one of his favorite artists died.” She announced as they walked toward the stage.   
_ SQUIP: This sure has been a day. I think it turned out well. _ __  
_ Why do I feel exhausted and like I want to sleep for the rest of the week. _ _  
_ __ SQUIP: Over stimulation. Dehydration. A lot to take in all at once.

Jeremy walked on stage and sat back down, he wasn’t paying attention to the last briefing that Mr. Reyes was giving. _  
_ _ Hey, can you just shut off for a bit? I just need to catch my breath. My head is really scrambled right now. Just give me five minutes. _

_ SQUIP: Of course.  _ __  
Jeremy shook his head and looked around, his vision no longer looked like a videogame. Everyone was leaving. Play rehearsal was over.    
Jeremy sat there for a moment, getting used to the moments he didn’t have the Squip. He grabbed his bag and started to head out, rubbing his eyes to gather himself. The darkness brought up the memories he forgot, the small gestures and smiles of Michael. It came pouring back to him.   
“Hey dude, you okay?” Jeremy opened his eyes and blinked the tears away. A smile almost came to his face.   
“Michael?” He smiled now. “It’s good to see you! Where have you been?”    
Michael looked at him, an eyebrow arched. He wasn’t smiling, his hands were shoved in his pockets. “Where have I been? Here, for the most part. Where have you been? Since the mall, you’ve been acting weird. You haven’t been checking your phone, I’ve been texting you! Back at the mall, you just looked freaking terrified! I stayed after you left… I waited for you. You never came back…”    
“Wha… No, Michael. I-I saw you leave. I saw  __ you  get up and leave.” The hallways were vacant, they stood outside the auditorium. “I haven’t seen you since--”

_ SQUIP: Reactivated. _ __  
“--Since you left the mall.”   
_ SQUIP: Oh. It’s  _ him.    
Jeremy thought he heard the squip sigh. The computer seemed annoyed.    
“Jeremy, why would I leave you?” Michael didn’t look annoyed though, he looked almost hurt. His brown eyes were moving from Jeremy, to the tiled floor, to his shirt. “Why’d you leave me?”   
His friend muttered the last part, they stabbed Jeremy in the heart. Jeremy shook his head. “I don’t know… I--don’t know!” His hands went and pulled at his own hair. “I don’t know, what’s  _ going on?!” _ __  
The Squip’s voice was the same mysterious, cold tone that took over Jeremy.   
_ SQUIP: It’s called Optic Nerve Blocking.  _ __  
Jeremy grabbed the wall and leaned on it. A headache was pulsating through him. “Jeremy? Hey, are you okay?” Michael touched his friend’s shoulders. He was worried, it was written all over his face.   
_ SQUIP:I have control of your nerves and what you see, I’ve been blocking Michael from your field of vision.  _ __  
Jeremy tried to swallow, he looked at Michael for a moment, his friend looked distorted, blurry, like a ghost.    
_ SQUIP: He’s part of the old Jeremy. The one that you’re steadily getting rid of. If you want to upgrade, if you want to get noticed, get popular… Get Christine… Well, you have to make sacrifices. _ __  
“Seriously, do you want me to take you home? We can sort this all out and talk about it. There’s actually something I want to tell you.” Through Jeremy’s vision, he could faintly make out his friend. His voice sounded distant.    
_ SQUIP: Jeremy, you want that don’t you? You want to get noticed, to get Christine, to win her over and be chill, right?  _ __  
Michaels hands went from Jeremy’s shoulders, trailed down his arms and gently held his hand. “Let’s go, dude. ” His hand was warm and comforting, familiar, and it would distort out of Jeremy’s vision. Michael’s whole body would, as if he was invisible. “You don’t have to tell me the reason for why you’re acting weird. You used to have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks, but those never stopped you. Now you look… Well, you’re not even yourself.” Michael tried to smile. “I just want to make sure that you’re all right. Because I have an idea what’s causing it and….” The warm, familiar feeling of Michael’s hand was disappearing. He was still there, just barely. His voice trailed off. Jeremy wished he could hear it again. Soft, familiar, Michael.   
_ SQUIP: You want that, right? You don’t want to be tied down by HIM. He’s not important. He’s a loser, Jeremy. And you know all too well what that feels like. _ _  
_ “Michael, I…” Jeremy retracted his hand. It felt cold. “I can’t. Sorry.”  __ Load the upgrade. How do I get it.

_ SQUIP: Already on it _ __  
_. _ __  
_. _ __  
_. _ __  
_. _ __  
“It’s the Squip, isn’t it...” Michael called his friend’s name. Distortion and white noise was all Jeremy heard. Jeremy looked at him, his figure was blurry, a red blur that was calling the teens name.   
.   
.   
.   
.   
_ Upgrade loaded. Executing. _ __  
The familiar blue loading bar appeared, filling up till it was complete.   
_ What if this is the last time I see him? The last time I hear his voice? _ __  
Jeremy tensed as a more powerful shock ran through him.    
When he looked up again, Michael was gone.   
_ SQUIP: Now we can really start. _ __  



	8. Before Halloween Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy heads over to Rich's house to play video games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the intermission, here's just a view of what went on before Act 2 begins.  
> I wanted to write this to get more into the characters, and how I interpret them.  
> There will be two parts.  
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> \--SkQuill

The night air was chilled with a few scattered leaves on the sidewalk. In the distance, a dog was barking. Jeremy hesitated on the front steps.  
_Squip: Rich’s father is asleep. Just knock on the door. Come on Jeremy, you’ve done this already! Why do you always hesitate every time?_   
“It’s just--Ah--” the cold October air made Jeremy aware that another shock was applied. It was a quick painful warmth that appeared and vanished. He started to pace on the small landing. _I just feel kinda rude. I’ve never been to someone’s house so late at night._   
_Squip: It’s nine at night. Twenty-one hundred hours. This isn’t late for anyone, especially not a social high schooler like yourself._   
“Fine…” Jeremy stopped his movement and knocked on the door. Jeremy heard footsteps, then the door opened.   
“Glad you could come over.” Rich smiled as he looked up at Jeremy. He stepped aside and opened the door to let the teen in.   
“Thanks for having me, again…” Jeremy voiced, “is you dad...?” Jeremy’s voice was a whisper. The door closed quietly behind him.   
“Okay with this? Nah, but everyone is asleep. He’s passed out. Kinda thought it would be nice to have some late night company.” Rich was wearing casual clothes, a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Jeremy started to take off his coat, he held it tightly against his chest. Rich noticed and chuckled.   
_SQUIP: I told you to throw that out. Rich probably hates it as much as I do._   
“You know, just because my dad is a drunk, doesn’t mean that all his kids are bad.” Rich spoke, walking ahead of the other teen as they made their way to the basement.   
“Where’s that coming from?” Jeremy arched an eyebrow.   
“I mean,” Rich looked back at Jeremy as they descended the stairs. “I’m not going to beat you up, or steal your shit. You’ve been to my place like, five times now. Loosen up.”  A dark, cold room with cement walls that was meant for storage but turned into an escape room.   
Rich’s escape room.   
_SQUIP: No loosening up for you. You’re a major work in progress._   
Jeremy tried to laugh. “My Squip says I’m a major work in progress, so loosening up isn’t something I can really afford.”   
Jeremy closed the door behind them as they headed down the wooden stairs. The television that was down there was old. Everything in the basement seemed like it was taken from a garage sale. The television screen would have faint fuzzy lines that would come across it sometimes.   
Jeremy placed his coat on the armrest of the couch and sat down.   
“Tell your Squip to take a break. Not everything has to--” Rich jumped and hissed out a swear.   
_SQUIP: Looks like his Squip is taking my advice and working harder._   
“Are you okay?” Jeremy got up and stepped toward the shorter boy.   
“Yeah, yeah… Fine.” Rich waved at him to sit down.  “I just… got a headache. My--My Squip.” He forced a laugh. “It, uh, it doesn’t like when I try to go against it and like, well, tell it to shut up and crap.” He rubbed his eyes and took a breath. “It’s been getting annoying recently, so I’ve just been turning it off, but--” He trailed off and shrugged.   
_SQUIP: Squips can only be turned off for an allotted amount of time. Fifteen minutes at maximum, unless a substance is involved._

“Oh…” Jeremy didn’t notice that he spoke.   
“I’ll be good, I promise.” Rich sat down handed Jeremy a controller. “Goranski rules: no volume, no shouting.”   
Jeremy nodded and looked at the screen. Another zombie shooter, a more recent version than what Jeremy would usually play. The matches were more short-lived because of the rule. It was easier to hear the tense inhale of breath when the character turned around and there was an undead monster in front of them.   
“What’s your Squip like, Tall-ass?” Rich started the conversation after the first very short round.   
“What do you mean?”   
“Like, what does it tell you to do, and not to do?”   
_SQUIP: Why is he asking that?_   
“Why are you asking that?”   
Rich shrugged. “Curious is all. I’ve had mine for a few years now so I’m kinda wondering what other Squips are like.”   
_SQUIP: A stupid, and valid curiosity. Answer him._   
_What do I say?_   
_SQUIP: Summarize how I’ve helped you._   
“It shocks me when I don’t stand up straight.” Jeremy bit his lip and let out a groan, as electricity passed through him. “And… just now.”   
_SQUIP: You earned it for saying that._   
“So it shocks you for small things?”   
_SQUIP: Redeem yourself._   
“Yeah, I mean, it also helps me talk to people. Like Brooke, you, and everyone else in play.”   
Rich nodded as his character placed more wood on the open windows.   
“It takes control of me during some situations. Like, the other day it did, and read all my lines.” Jeremy smiled at the feat. He remembered Christine's smile and her awe at him. “It feels kinda weird, but I’ve gotten used to it by now.”   
The round was over as both characters died. Jeremy seemed to always be the first to go down.   
A new round began.   
Jeremy glanced at Rich. He had an urge to ask when the Squip controlled him. His mouth formed the words. “So when you cornered me in the bathroom, was that--”   
“Richy?” The voice caused Jeremy to slap a hand on his sentence. Small footsteps came down the stairs, the voice belonged to a little girl. She had the same blonde hair as Rich, her pajamas matched, something Jeremy had forgot was a thing. Her hair was long and braided.   
“What’s up, kiddo?” Rich paused the game and turned to her as she neared the couch. “Can’t sleep, or are you just trying to be cool and stay up past midnight like your awesome brother?”   
She shook her head, and sleepily muttered the former. Rich gave her a warm smile.   
“Well,” he looked at Jeremy, then at the game. “You won’t be able to sleep if you stay with us. We’re playing a scary game.”   
Jeremy watched the interaction unfold. His mind was going to a similar one that had happened. The details were foggy, but he remembered something about frozen food. Without realizing it, Jeremy gave the small girl a wave and a smile.

She returned it.  
“Come on, let’s go back upstairs.” Rich started to lead her up the stairs. He gave Jeremy a look.   
_SQUIP: Time to make our leave._   
_But--_   
“Jeremy, come on.” Rich motioned for the teen to follow and all three went up the stairs.

Jeremy turned off the game console and the lights of the basement as they entered the main floor.   
“Guess I should go then.” Jeremy muttered, his coat was still gripped tightly in his arms as he pointed to the door. Rich and his younger sister looked at him. “What?”   
_Did I do something stupid?_   
_SQUIP: It’s the coat. We have to burn it._   
_Shut up about my coat!_   
Jeremy tensed as electricity traveled through him.   
The siblings spoke at the same time.   
“You--”   
“--I’ll walk you home--”   
“--really pretty.”   
Jeremy stood there, his blue eyes went to Rich and to the young girl.   
_She just called me pretty!_   
_SQUIP: I know, stop relishing in it._   
Rich knelt down and picked his younger sister up, “I’ll be back, just gonna put her to sleep…”   
“You don’t have to walk me home, Rich. I’ll be fine.” Jeremy protested as the two siblings disappeared up the stairs.   
Jeremy could hear his footsteps on the underfloor. _Is this the Squip that’s controlling him? Is he usually this nice?_   
Jeremy waited for his own Squip to speak, but nothing came up. Jeremy jumped when Rich came back down, his hands in his pockets and a light jacket on.   
“Seriously, you don’t have to walk me home. That’s kinda... Weird don’t you think?” Jeremy stated as they headed to the door. Rich shook his head.   
“I told you, just ‘cause my dad is awful, doesn’t mean his kids are.”

 

***

 

The clouds were starting to break apart, revealing the night sky. They were in the middle of suburban New Jersey, so light pollution disturbed the stars.   
“So, are you going to Jake’s Halloween party?” Rich asked as they walked under a street light. The cold air made his breath visible. “It’s in a bit, it happens every year. Although it only got fun last year, because I brought some of my dad's stash of beer and we all got hammered.”   
_SQUIP: Another peg up the ladder if you go. Meet people, get a better standing._   
“Yeah. I’m definitely gonna be there!” Jeremy complied. _I’ve never partied before in my life… what should I do?_ _  
_ SQUIP: We’ll work on that when it happens. Parties are a lot of socializing and a lot of hazy memories.

 _What do you mean by that?_   
_SQUIP: Don’t worry, I’ll help you get through it._   
“Do we have to dress up? Is that mandatory, or is that just something people think is stupid to do now?” Jeremy asked. He glanced at Rich, and spoke up again. “A-are you going to dress up?”   
SQUIP: Stutter.

A sharp intake of breath, and a quick wince of pain as another punishment did its course through Jeremy's body.   
“Of course dude, I have an idea of what I’m going to be. I know that the people coming are going to like it, get extra brownie points for creativity.” Rich laughed, more puffs of air appeared.   
“Are you… Gonna ask someone to go with you?”   
_SQUIP: You don’t ask people that! You always assume that they will bring someone with them!_   
“Sorry! I shouldn’t have asked you--” Jeremy had to stop talking and crouch on the ground. Biting a knuckle as the pain passed. Rich didn’t seem concerned, he looked sad instead. _Why is he looking at me like that?_ _  
_ _SQUIP: Pity, probably. If I was Rich, I’d also look at you like that._

 _But why?!_   
_SQUIP: Because you’re not doing what I instruct! How many times do I have to tell you, Jeremy! Do as I say!!_   
Jeremy took a few deep breaths, before standing up again. His knuckle had indents from his teeth. “Sorry.” He muttered.

_SQUIP: He can’t hear you if you mutter._

_I’m apologizing to you!!_

The Squip went silent.

“Yeah.” Rich spoke.  
“What?” Jeremy looked at him, he had forgotten what he had asked in the first place.   
“I’m thinking of asking someone, but uh, it would be kinda awkward.” Rich sniffled and gave the taller teen a smirk. “You?”   
“Oh, uh…” Jeremy hesitated, his body was still feeling tingly from the shocks. He was trying to think of people that he’s talked with since getting the Squip. All the girls he’s met that the drug deemed worthy. “Brooke!” he said. “I was thinking of asking her; we’ve been talking a lot more since…”   
_SQUIP: Since you broke down and cried, then kissed her._ “Since I started going to rehearsal more.”   
Rich nodded. “Hey man, if you can ask her out, then I’ll ask out who I want to.” He declared with a smile. Jeremy opened his mouth to say something, but Rich stopped him with an indication of his finger. “I can’t tell you all my secrets. You’ll see at the party. I’ll be the one wearing the best costume _and_ having the best date.”   
The sudden vigor made the taller teen give a shy smile. _Maybe this is the real Rich._   
_SQUIP: You don’t know that._   
_I could ask._   
_SQUIP: And he’ll answer you?_   
Jeremy tried to form the sentence.   
_SQUIP: Don’t bother._   
So Jeremy complied and the two walked in silence for the rest of the way.   
_SQUIP: Some things are just never meant to be said, Jeremy._   
  
Living in the same house had a few perks, one was that you memorized where the creaky floorboards were, and at what weight they emitted sound. Jeremy slid his shoes off and tiptoed up the stairs. His door was always closed, so he slid right into his room and gently closed it behind him. He exhaled a shaky breath.   
He tossed the coat onto his desk chair.   
_SQUIP: Now that we’re home, let’s throw that coat out._   
_No._   
Jeremy felt his body tense up. He felt as if a giant weight was put on him.   
_Stop!!_   
He tried to get his legs to move, but all he could do was cause them to shake.   
_Freaking stop!!_   
_SQUIP: You know why I’m doing this, Jeremy…_   
_Fine! I’ll get rid of the coat!!_   
_SQUIP: Perfect!_   
The weight was brought off of the teen and his body fell forward from the pent up energy. He hit the floor with a loud thud and a groan.   
“Jeremy?” A shout from another room. “Was that you? Is everything okay?”   
“Yeah! Yeah, Dad. I just… I fell out of bed…”

 _SQUIP: Nice cover up._   
Jeremy got back on his feet and grabbed the coat, he went over to his closet and knelt down at the small garbage bags that were there. He opened up the closest one and shoved the piece of clothing in. It joined the rest of his discarded wardrobe, clothes that he bought and liked, but now couldn’t wear due to the Squip’s guidance. It had white cashmere fur on the inside, form fitting brown and changing to a dark grey for the lower half and pockets.   
He tied up the bag and threw it with the rest; a total of three bags.   
_How do you ask someone out?_ _  
_ SQUIP: Casually start a conversation and drop the question, then pretend like you weren’t going to say and act shy. Girls love that.

 _Cool._  
Jeremy got out his phone and scrolled through till he reached a contact, and put the phone to his ear as it rang.  
_SQUIP: What are you doing?_  
“Hello?” Brookes voice came through.  
“ _Heyyy,_ Brooke!” Jeremy greeted her voice with a smile.  
_SQUIP: This is not what I meant!!_  
“Jeremy, what’s up?” Jeremy heard shuffling on her end, as if she was sitting up.   
“I just, uh, wanted to ask you something…”   
Jeremy thought he heard her chuckle. “You could just talk to me tomorrow, you know that, right? Cause we see each other, like, everyday.”  
“Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah, I _could_ do that. But I wanted to call you…” Jeremy was bouncing on his heels. He rarely made phone calls, no one made phone calls anymore.  
“Are you high?” Another chuckle.  
“On li--”  
_SQUIP: I swear, Jeremy, I will take control of you right now and hang up if you continue that sentence._  
“--I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go to the halloween party. That Jake has… with me. N-not, not like, I have the party with him, but like if you wanted to go with me to it. We could go together.”   
Jeremy didn’t know what hurt more, the electric charge shooting through him, or his nails that were digging into his palms as he waited.  
He thought he heard her mutter something followed by a small, and happy laugh. “You’re so awkward, oh my God!” She was laughing. “Going out of your way, and calling someone to ask them to a party… That’s so cute and old-school.”  
_What should I say?! Is it working?_  
_SQUIP: Surprisingly, yes. She likes this inbetween phase your in._  
_Inbetween?_  
_SQUIP: You’re not a perfect, chill man right now, and you’re not a pathetic loser like you previously were. You’re at an inbetween of the two._  
_So is that good?_  
“Yes.” Brooke dragged him out of the conversation in his head. “Fine, I’ll go with you. Honestly, I doubt no one can top this adorable call.”  
“Oh… Uh, thanks.”  
The phone was silent for a moment.   
“So, um, should-should I hang up now?”  
_SQUIP: YES._  
Brooke was laughing again.   
“I’m gonna hang up now, okay… I’ll talk to you tomorrow then.”  
“See you later, Jeremy!” She said it as she caught her breath.  
“See ya… Brooke.”  
The call ended. Jeremy fell on his bed, a grin on his face.  
_I just asked a girl out!!_  
_SQUIP: Yup._  
_I just asked a girl out and she said ‘yes’!!_  
_SQUIP: I’m proud of you, Jeremy._  
_She called me cute, again…_  
_SQUIP: Jeremy…_  
“I-I know. No thoughts like that.” His eyes drifted to the bags of clothes. _No more ideas like that._  
_SQUIP: You should head to bed, it’s getting late, and it’s also a school night. Rest up, and we can converse with Brooke tomorrow._  
Jeremy confirmed.  
The night was quiet; through his blinds, Jeremy could see the lights of tall buildings blink. Those were his stars, artificial and fake.   
“Hey, have you ever thought about, like, what if you were human?”  
_SQUIP: What have I told you about muttering to yourself._  
There was no shock applied.  
_Sorry, just tired._  
_SQUIP: To answer your question, no. I don’t see a reason to be human. Your kind is an odd species of mammals. I’m rather content with being an all-knowing super computer._  
_An all knowing super computer that helps this odd species of mammals?_  
_SQUIP: Precisely. It’s more interesting to help your kind then to observe._  
_Is knowing everything hard?_  
_SQUIP: How so?_  
_Like, do you ever get lonely and sad because you know everything. There’s no one to match wits with._  
_SQUIP: Why do you think Squips were made, Jeremy? So we can teach humans how to act, with the extensive knowledge we have. Squips are basically just life-coaches, with an unlimited database._  
Jeremy let out a yawn, turning in bed so he was away from the artificial stars, curled under the warmth of his covers.  
_SQUIP: Good night, Jeremy._ _  
_ Night.

 

***

 

Brooke jabbed her fingers into Jeremy’s sides as her way of greeting him the next morning. He let out a small shriek.  
“Morning, _Jerry.”_ She was dressed in green overalls today. The long yellow sweater was still around her.   
_SQUIP: The piece of clothing must be a comfort item._   
Jeremy turned to face her, trying to relax his heartbeat.   
_SQUIP: Stop staring and say something._   
“Hey. Morning. G-good morning…” Jeremy’s heart wasn’t going down.   
“You okay?”   
“You scared me, I’m not good with jump scares.” Jeremy stated as he leaned against his locker and slid to the ground.   
Brooke watched him hit the floor before joining him. “Ya know, for a tall guy such as yourself, you sure do like being close to the ground.”   
He followed along as she laughed at her own comment. “I’m not _that_ tall.”   
“You’re taller than me, so therefore, you’re tall.” They’re shoulders were touching. She clicked her toes together as she sat. Giving him another small and sweet smile. “Don’t feel bad that you can see things that I can’t.”   
_God, her smile is so nice._   
They watched people walk past and up the stairs. Jeremy’s locker was in a nice spot to just watch people. Brooke slid her hand closer to Jeremys.   
_SQUIP: Brooke wants to initiate contact._   
Jeremy took her hand in his and watched as she seemed surprised at how fast he took it. Her yellow sweater was falling off her shoulders. The tee shirt she was wearing had clouds on it. She was the sun today.   
“I really liked last night.” She started, “no one has ever really called like that and asked me out.”   
“Would you have preferred that I texted you?”   
“Honestly, not really. I don’t think you would have made me laugh as much as you did.” Jeremy’s hand went cold as she let go of it, sliding a bit away from him. Her eyes were on the crowd of students, one in particular. Chloe and Jenna were making their way over to him. Or maybe they were just coming to get Brooke.   
The two stood up.

When Jeremy spoke, he couldn’t believe what he was saying. “I’ll see you this afternoon, at play practice. Afterwards, we can go to your favorite spot.” It didn’t sound like him, but he knew he wasn’t getting controlled.  
_SQUIP: Nice statement. I didn’t have to help you at all with that._   
“Sounds great.” Brooke grabbed her bag and joined her friends.   
“Hey Chloe,” Jeremy waved at the other girls. “Jenna.”   
Jenna Rolan waved back. “I heard the news, that you asked _our_ Brooke out.”   
“Oh, you know about that?” Jeremy eyed Brooke, she looked as confused as he was.   
“Word travels fast.” Chloe stated. “So what, are you two dating now or something?”   
_What? Dating?_   
_SQUIP: Say yes._   
“Yes. We’re dating.” Jeremy gave Chloe a confident smile. Jenna grabbed Brooke by the shoulders and started to congratulate her between happy screams.   
“We were going to go to Jake’s party.” Brooke explained as her body went to and fro from Jenna’s excitement.   
“That’s so cute!! You guys are officially the power couple of the year.” Jenna said as she took her hands from Brooke. “Can’t wait to see you guys there.”   
“Jenna, can you leave? Also you too, Brooke.’ Chloe snapped at the two girls.   
“What, why?” Brooke voiced.   
“Just go. I want to have a chat with Jeremy.”   
_SQUIP: Chloe is still having mixed views of you. This next conversation will decide if she can trust you or not._   
The two girls left, Brooke giving him one last wave as they headed up the stairs.   
“I don’t like you, Jeremy.” Chloe said off the bat.   
_I thought you said she was still deciding if she liked me or not!_   
_SQUIP: She’s trying to scare you right now. It’s okay. You’ve talked with her a lot already, you know that she’s insecure about herself. Just make her feel good about herself and you win her trust._   
“What can I do to get you to like me.” Jeremy blurted it out and felt the repercussions. A shock and a look from Chloe.   
“Leave Brooke alone and I might consider your existence.”   
_Help._   
“No.” Jeremy felt himself get hot from embarrassment and fear as he dug himself his own grave. “I like Brooke. I want to get to know her better.”   
_SQUIP: Stop talking about Brooke, focus on Chloe!_   
“Why are you so jealous of me, anyway?”   
_SQUIP: JEREMY!_   
Jeremy felt himself space out then, he felt his mind leave. Unable to control his body as the Squip took control of it.   
“I’m not jealous of you!” Chloe protested. “It’s just… well, high school relationships never work out, so I don’t see a reason to date people.” Her voice was small when she said it.   
_Is she saying that because of Jake? Did that really mess her up that bad? When were they even dating, how long? What broke them up?_   
Jeremy felt like he was swimming, absorbing Chloe’s scared words.   
He gained control of his body, blinking to feel like he was grounded again. Bounced on his heels a bit. “Chloe, it’s… Okay.”   
_SQUIP: Why did you decide to take control again? I thought you panicked and wanted me to talk for you._   
“I get it. You don’t want to see Brooke get hurt.” His own voice was soft, matching the girls. “I _promise_ , I just want to get to know her better. I generally just want to know everyone better. Brooke was there for me when I lost it in play; I think that she would really appreciate it if…” Jeremy took a breath to center himself. “...If you… Weren’t as protective of her. Or at least, if you talked about stuff.”   
Chloe arched an eyebrow at him.   
“Sorry! Was-Was that too deep for seven in the morning on a Wednesday?”   
She laughed. It was short lived, a single chuckle, but it was something. Something Jeremy could be proud of.   
“I’ll see you at play.” She took a breath and started to make her way to the staircase. She was wearing a black dress, black leggings and had a polka dotted jacket on. “I’ll hold you to that by the way. You better not do anything stupid to make her end up like _me._ ”   
SQUIP: Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t.

Jeremy couldn’t speak, his mouth felt dry and like sand paper.   
_That was so scary. She scares me._   
_SQUIP: She’s just a jealous high schooler._   
_Well, she scares me._   



	9. Before Halloween Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something that was said, “He means the world to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before Halloween Part 2.  
> Next week, Halloween.  
> \--SKQuill

The hallways were decorated in orange and brown streamers. Paper ghosts hung from the cork announcement boards that were around the school. There was always a professor that was dressed up for the festivity, complete with pumpkin earrings or a tie with ghosts on it.  Michael had just entered and even with the music blasting through his headphones he could tell what people were talking about. Halloween was next week, people had a right to be excited. Michael was paying more attention to the other people in his grade, they were all talking about Jake’s party, which was this weekend.   
_ Tomorrow. _ __   
Michael sniffled and regretted not bringing a coat, or other layer with him. He had his regular red hoodie on, but even the late autumn wind got through it. He weaved through the mass of students, ignoring them all.  _ It’s just another Friday.  _ He rubbed his dry eyes as he got through the crowd in front of his class.  _ Just get through this Friday.  _   
Michael sat down at his assigned seat and spaced out for the majority of the day. Everything new that had occurred in the past weeks was starting to get old. Rich’s tardiness was getting better though. He always came in with a burst of apologizes and that ‘he’d never do it again.’    
But the excuse was short lived. The other classmates didn’t even know what was happening, that he had a Squip, and they got used to it.   
_ Maybe I should get used to it as well.  _   
The black journal was always in his line of sight. At times it felt like a burden, and at others it felt like a small bit of hope.   
The lights went off as the teacher started to play a movie, since everyone was too excited about the weekend to really learn.   
_ Everyone but me. _ But no one noticed Michael, so his opinion didn’t matter. A majority vote and he was the one minority. That was always the case.   
He reached into his bag and took the small notebook out. Flipping it open to the last note.   
  
_ -A lot of people get Squip’s to get good grades or change small things about themselves. _ __   
_ -Jeremy’s seems to be trying to make him into another person.  _ __   
_ → Sidenote: The complete opposite of Jeremy; he seems more nervous now. I wonder if he’s been having panic attacks like the one at play. I hope not. I’d hate for him to be having an even harder time with the Squip then without it… _ __   
_ -Try to find out about Rich’s Squip… _ __   
  
He drew a circle around the next sentence, a question that he wanted to get an answer to, but didn’t know how.   
_ -Who is the  _ real  _ Rich? _ __   
  
He rubbed his eyes under his glasses and took a breath. The bell had rung and he didn’t even notice till the class was up and heading out.   
“Have a safe weekend!” The teacher called to the students as they exploded into the hallway. Michael was the last one out.    
“You too.” Michael muttered, too quietly for anyone but himself to hear.   
  
  
He sat down at the empty cafeteria table. His headphones were around his neck and the sea of voices kept getting louder with each passing moment.    
Another moment of rubbing his dry eyes. __   
A light kick in the back; a voice. “Yo Phones! Quit spacing; I gotta talk with ya.”    
Michael wasn’t really doing anything to make up an excuse to avoid the conversation. So with a sigh, he turned.    
Rich stood there in army boots, the culprit of the kick. Along with cargo shorts, and a simple grey shirt. A snapback was perched on his head.  _ How is he not cold? Why do assholes seem to have a competition to see who can wear shorts for the longest. _ __   
Anger started to bubble up in Michael, even though he needed to find answers. He did his best to bottle it, an irritated tone to his voice. “What do  _ you _ want?”    
Rich was tapping his army boot on the floor. His eyes kept darting to the clocks that were in the cafeteria. “Nothing much…” He shrugged as if trying to hide how skittish he was. “I just need to talk with you. Alone. About important stuff.”   
“That doesn’t help.” Michael started for his backpack but Rich took it from the seat. “ _ Dude!” _ __   
“ _ Please!  _ This is urgent! I don’t have a lot of time!” Rich shouted. “It’s about the Squip--” His voice rang through the cafeteria, everyone was quiet.    
All eyes were on Michael and Rich now.    
_ Fuck. _   
“-- _ Script.”  _ Rich saved himself and started to push Michael to the entrance. “I, uh, forgot my script at home. And I know that you have an extra. And Mr. Reyes is gonna kill me if I can’t get this one scene done! So, let’s just go to your locker and I can borrow it, okay?.. Haha…” His voice was quick and ended with an unconvincing laugh. “Please… Phones. This is serious.” Rich muttered once they were out of earshot from the cafeteria, his voice was getting drowned by the other kids. “I know that you know about the Squip, ‘cause your friends with Tall-ass.”   
“ _ Fine.” _ Michael retrieved his backpack and followed Rich through the empty halls in silence. If he paid attention, Michael could see that Rich’s hands were shaking as they made their way through the auditorium. They started to walk to the stage. “So what did you want to talk about?” Michael asked Rich as they strode down the carpeted floor. The shorter boys’ fingers were gliding across the seats. He turned and faced Michael.   
“Do you have any pot?” Rich raised an eyebrow and gave Michael a smile that seemed like a last resort.   
_ I should have known this was going to be stupid.  _ “No. I don’t have any, sorry.” Michael started to turn around and head for the door.    
“Phones, w-where are you going?” Rich’s voice cracked. “I need to talk to y--” He dissolved into a mess of tears. “Fuck! Holy fuck!” His screaming was what stopped Michael.    
The taller boy turned and faced Rich. “Hey,” His voice was soft. “Seriously, are you alright?” He took small steps and placed a hand on Rich.    
Rich pushed him away.    
“Does it  _ look _ like I’m alright!?” His voice rang through the room, bouncing off the walls. His voice sounded like an old audio file, it clipped as it flew through the large room.   
_ Did his voice just distort?  _   
“I’m a fucking mess!  _ A. Fucking. Mess _ !!” Rich reached for the snapback and threw it to the wall. It hit and fell. His shaking hands went to his dirty blond hair and started to furiously scratch at it. A single dyed-red streak was sticking through the blond mess of hair. “I thought you’d have weed, cause you’re always so distant with people, and your eyes have been red… God, I must look like a fucking addict, right now!! His face was red, with eyes spilling over with tears.   
Michael stood there for a moment, he took in Rich’s words; the false observation. Michael almost wanted to smile at Rich.  _ Am I that good at hiding my anxiety? Do people really think that I’m just this stoner? He doesn’t know--no one knows that I’ve been crying. _ “I have bad social anxiety, and from everything that’s been happening I’ve just been shutting down…” Michael muttered as Rich moved to scratching his arms. He wasn’t meant to hear the confession. “Rich--” Michael stepped closer to him and grabbed his arms. They were warm and made Michael’s own hands shake. “Listen to me, you’re just having a panic attack. Okay? Just take some deep breathe--”   
“No, Phones!” The shorter boy got out of Michael’s grasp. “You-You don’t understand--You don’t  _ get _ it!” He didn’t go back to scratching.  _ That’s good.  _ “My Squip has been acting  _ so  _ weird. I turned it off but it keeps coming back on!! So-So, I just…” Rich wiped at his tears and hyperventilated a few breaths before speaking again. “I’ve been trying to self medic--cate with weed--pot--’cause that messes with the Sq-quip!! An-and like,” Rich clenched his chest and gripped one of the seats. He coughed and fell to his knees. “I just want to get it out, man! I just want it to  _ fucking  _ leave. It hasn’t ac-acted like th-this at all! But then Jeremy’s Squip--It messed wit-h-h-h it. I don’t have a lot of ti-time now. Before it turns back-ck on, Ph-ones! It’s gonna kill me when it sees m-m-me!”    
Michael slung his backpack off and started to unzip it, he took out the notebook and started to flip to the latest page. “Rich, I’m going to need you to work with me then… Okay?” The sad part of this situation was that Michael knew how to act when someone was having this bad of an attack. He’d helped Jeremy with the frequent attacks he’d have. It’s what started them having nightly phone calls, and being as close as they were. Jeremy liked contact when he hit a low point. He needed to be reminded that Michael was there for him. Whether that was through physical contact--Michael wrapping his arm around him--or just the constant buzz of messages they’d share for encouragement.   
Rich seemed to be the opposite. “What--What’s that for?”   
“I’ve been… writing notes about the Squip in this.” Michael handed it to him. “I was going to write down what you just said, about the Squip turning off…”  _ Choose your words quickly and carefully, Michael.  _ He took a breath. “I’ve been seeing how the Squip is ruining Jeremy’s life, and I want--I want him to be okay.” Michael looked at Rich, his chest was heaving but he seemed calmer as he flipped through the book. “From seeing you, I’d like for you to be okay, too.” Michael swallowed and fiddled with the strings of his hoodie. He tried to stay calm as Rich was reading the early entries; half-asleep chicken scratch detailing dreams.    
  
“How much time do you have left?” Michael asked after a moment of silence. He could hear Rich taking deep breaths as he read and moved on. “Before your Squip…”   
Rich rubbed his eyes and sniffled. “About five minutes. I went to you right when I turned it off.”   
_ I wonder if it’s scary, to have control of everything you do, then to lose it all at once. _ He closed the journal and handed it back to Michael after he reached the end of the notes. “Hey Phones--”   
“It’s Michael.”   
“What?”   
“ _ Michael.  _ That’s my name. I don’t like nicknames.”   
“Oh, sorry then,” Rich tested the name. “Michael… uh…”   
_ Are you gay? _ __   
_ Are you going to flirt with me now? _ __   
_ Are you and Jeremy dating or something? _ __   
Michael was starting to think of new insults that Rich would use under the Squips power in the time where he hesitated speaking..    
“Tall-ass, duh,  _ Jeremy _ , he-he’s gonna be at Jake’s party tomorrow. You should come.” Rich’s lip quivered as if exhaustion was setting in as the attack subsided. “Like I said, during…  _ that.”  _ Rich gestured to the air as if to indicate what was happening only minutes ago. “Squip’s aren’t good with substance stuff, like drugs, or alcohol. Enough of the stuff can turn the Squip off. So,” Rich shrugged. “Maybe you can talk to him there.”   
“Are you going to purposely get him wasted so I can talk with him?” Michael arched an eyebrow.   
Rich smiled, it was childish. “Well, when you say it like that it sounds like a bad idea.”   
“It kinda is.”    
They laughed for a bit till Rich went into a small spasm.    
“Okay?” Michael asked once the shorter boys body stopped shaking and he winced at a pain Michael couldn’t see.   
All Rich did was shake his head. “Got a minute left.”   
_ Oh. _ __   
“Do you hate me? For… Getting Jeremy involved in Squip’s and shit?”   
Michael opened his mouth but no words came.  _ Before this, I would have been furious. But now…  _ “You didn’t know this would happen, no one did. I’d punch you if I could, but I can’t find the anger to.”   
“Would you punch the Squip?   
Michael chuckled. “Yeah.”   
Again, they laugh.   
_ A few seconds left. _ __   
“Just so ya know, uh, I’m, um, cheering for you.” Rich tapped the journal. “If I was Jeremy, I’d feel really lucky having you around.”    
_ Did the guy that shouted at Jeremy, calling him gay, just give his support for me?  _ Michael took the journal and stuffed it in his bag.  _ This doesn’t seem real. _   
“He means the world to me.” Michael spoke. He repeated the same words he said to Jeremy during that one day after rehearsal. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”   
“I’ll manage--” Rich shot up out of nowhere and grabbed his hat. His fingers curled and loosened, he bounced on the heels of his army boots. “Rich?”   
Rich’s body jumped and he looked at Michael. “Sup, Phones.”   
_ Out of time. _   
Michael couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret.  _ I wish I could have talked with him more. _ His fingers curled around the straps of his backpack and he turned to leave.    
“Oh shit, you still have the fucking ‘RIENDS’ on your backpack! That’s hilarious.”    
Michael stopped.    
“I think Tall-ass still has the other part on his backpack. I know I said that I’d kill him if he took it off, but it’s been a month. People are gonna talk,” Michael turned back and looked at Rich. He was met with a psychotic smile. “Fucking queer--”   
Michaels fist met Rich’s jaw, it happened all too fast for Michael to realize what he’d done. Rich was on the floor though, no,  __ the Squip was on the floor.   
Michael started to make his leave, a small smile forming on his lips.    



	10. Halloween/Do You Want To Hang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Halloween party that everyone has planned for. Who needs the actual trick or treating when you have high schoolers with weed and alcohol.  
> Mix that with regular teenagers and anxiety and everything can go up in smoke.

**\---Class of 2017? More like Ass of 2017---** **  
****  
****Jake:** Alright dudes, house is all set up. Come on over!! Hope your costumes are as rad as you are!  
**Brooke:** I have it all set up! I’ll be there!!  
**Jake:** Nice!!! I went out and bought condoms btw. I’m down for a water balloon fight if we get enough people.  
**Chloe:** I’m bringing a flask, cause none of you know what REAL alcohol is.  
**Rich:** Guys  
**Rich:** GUYS GUYS GYUS  
**Rich:** i fucking stole my younger bros Jason mask  
**Rich:** i couldn’t find a fake machete so i just bought this loaf of bread.  
**\--Several people are typing--** **  
****Chloe:** Rich. What the fuck  
**Jake:** THAT’S THE ENTHUSIASM I WANT TO SEE!!!!!!  
**Brooke: (Astonished Face ) **

****

Jeremy’s phone was buzzing as he made his way to the front porch of Jake’s large house. He had a pair of sunglasses on his head and was fiddling with the tie that was around his neck   
_ I don’t think this is right. _ __  
_ SQUIP: Well you were the one to say that you didn’t want my help. This is your own problem. _ __  
_ Well can I get your help now? _ __  
_ SQUIP: No. Suffer with your own choice. _ __  
The cold end of October air ran through his costume. It wasn’t even a costume, it was a formal suit. The shades were apart of it, somehow.   
_ What am I even supposed to be anyway? I wanted to go as a robot, because of the whole, you controlling me thing! But you picked this? What is this? _ __  
The door opened and Jake stood there, he was wearing a giraffe onesie. It looked good on him.  _ How does he make that work?  _   
Jeremy felt a shock go through him, but he straightened up and gave Jake a smile. “H-hey.”   
“Sup.” They were both quiet for a moment, staring at each other as if not wanting to be talking to each other.. “What are you supposed to be?” Jake asked.   
“I wanted to go as an andrio--”   
_ SQUIP: NO. _ _  
_ Jeremy’s fingers curled into a fist to hide the pain. “--But I changed my mind, cause those are lame!  __ So,  now I’m a…”

_ SQUIP: Stoned FBI agent. _ __  
“Stoned CIA agent.”   
_ Fuck! I panicked sorry! _ __  
_ SQUIP: This is going to be a long night. _ __  
Jake nodded. “It, uh, works. The messy tie really brings it together.”   
“Oh, thanks.” Jeremy stepped inside the house.   
_ SQUIP: Alright. We’re dealing with an idiot; good start.  _   
“Drinks are in the kitchen. Have fun, dude!” Jake called and disappeared into the mass of costumes.    
The music was blasting through the house. Jeremy had to stop himself from covering his ears. He stood at the foyer a moment to take it all in. A smile wide on his face.   
_ I can’t believe I’m at a party!! _ __  
_ SQUIP: Yes! I’m proud of you! Now, shades on. _ __  
Jeremy lowered the sunglasses over his eyes and watched the dim purple lights darken to grey. He walked through the mass of costumes, picking out costumes he knew and trying to see if he knew the people behind the makeup and masks. He nearly bumped into someone dressed as a clown. “Sorry!”   
“It’s chil--Jeremy! You’re here!!” Jenna, with white face paint on and a big tear drop on her cheek smiled. She gave the teen a hug, for a moment he wasn’t touching the floor. “Dude,” She had to raise her voice to speak over the music and chatter. “We placed bets to see if you’d come! Chloe freaking owes me!!” She raised her red cup as if to say ‘cheers’ and drank whatever was in it.    
“W-what are you supposed to be?”   
“Me? I’m a sad clown!”   
_ SQUIP: That’s idiotic. _ __  
“Aren’t clowns always sad?”   
She gave him a big smile, her tongue stuck out a bit when she did. “That’s the best part of them!!”   
She pushed him further into the crowd of people. “Peace out!”   
“Yeah, uh, you too!” He called back to her. 

_ SQUIP: I’m never going to get you involved with her. _ __  
_ But she seems nice. Quirky almost. _ __  
_ SQUIP: That’s exactly why I don’t want you to get involved with her.  _ __  
Jeremy continued his trek through the crowd, he seemed to be in the living room. He couldn’t tell. The house was big and there were people everywhere. No quiet moment to take everything in and get comfortable. A pair of hands jabbed his sides and caused him to let out a small shriek.   
“You made it!” Brooke exclaimed, “I was kinda worried you weren’t coming. Did you get my messages?”   
She was dressed up in fur, a black nose painted on her face.    
“Yeah, I uh…” Jeremy quickly retrieved his phone and saw the screen covered in short bursts of one sentence texts from her. That was why his phone was buzzing earlier.   
_ SQUIP: You were fashionably late. _   
“Sorry, I didn’t check my phone. But I’m here now!” He gave her a smile.   
“I can see that, what do you think of my costume?” Brooke's voice broke through the music, her voice carried a nervousness to it. “People always go for sexy cats, but I wanted to shake it up. So I’m a sexy dog.” She laughed.    
“It’s--”   
_ SQUIP: Give her a vague compliment so she knows where she can improve. _ __  
“--nice.”   
Jeremy watched the smile fade.  “No-Sorry! It’s amazing! Best one here. Sorry--”   
_ SQUIP: Stop apologizing! _ __  
“I’m just nervous. Never been to a party this crazy before.”   
She nodded and grabbed his arm. “I’ll take you to the kitchen, we can get some drinks. That can calm your nerves.” Her hand slipped into his. The electricity was starting to feel numb down Jeremy’s spine.   
His covered eyes scanned over the crowd of people. He thought he saw Rich for a brief moment, talking with Jake. The height difference was almost comedic.

Brooke’s hand slipped out of his when they came into the kitchen. Cans of beer and punch were spread out. “Rich brought the beer. Snagged it from his dad.” Brooke crossed her arms. Her smile was gone, she seemed nervous as well. 

“Hey, is everything o-”   
“Jeremy!” Christine was sitting on the counter near the sink, a can of beer in her hands. She wore the same giraffe onesie as Jake. She gave him a wave. Jeremy recuperated the gesture.   
_ SQUIP: Good response. Leave them wanting more. _ __  
_ What--No, I just want to make sure Brooke is okay. _ __  
“Brooke…” Jeremy touched her bare shoulder.    
“You’re tie. It’s not on right.” She quickly turned and wrapped her hands around the fabric, she pulled him close and kissed him on the lips for a bit.   
Jeremy thought he heard someone catcall them.    
_ SQUIP: Jeremy, you really scored with this girl. She’s so desperate!!  _ __  
_ Why is that good? _ __  
_ SQUIP: Because she’ll do whatever you want her to do! _ __  
Jeremy broke the kiss, he could taste her lip gloss.  _ Strawberry.  _ “Sorry…”   
Brookes hand trailed off from the neck tie.   
SQUIP:  _ What’s wrong? _ __  
“What’s wrong?” Brooke said.   
The tight, sickening feeling was in Jeremy’s stomach. His hands curled around his blazer. “I--I just need some air. A quiet place.” Jeremy felt like he was going to pass out.   
_ SQUIP: Don’t be a wuss, Jeremy! Get up, kiss her! Upgrade to a higher standing. _ __  
Brooke looked at the small ground that was in the kitchen. The music was making the walls shake. “I’m going to get you something to drink, okay? I’ll try to find something not that alcoholic.” She was gone.   
Jeremy leaned against the wall; shocks were going through his legs.    
_ SQUIP: Don’t you dare curl into a ball. _ __  
“Hey, Jerry.” Chloe appeared next to him. She was blurry in his tear streaked eyes. “You about to throw up or something?” Her hair was up in a messy bun, she wore fake glasses and looked like a secretary. A white blouse, with a matching brown blazer and pencil skirt.   
“It’s anxi--”   
_ SQUIP: If you give her the reason why you’re like this, she will never trust you. _ __  
_ She already doesn’t trust me! _ __  
_ SQUIP: She’s getting there. This party has a good ending with her. By the end she’ll trust you! _ __  
“--Too much alcohol.” Jeremy gave her a smile, lying through his teeth.   
Chloe looked around at the group. Jeremy tried looking for Brooke, but he couldn’t find her. “I’ll take you someplace quiet.” Jeremy was thrown off by Chloes words. “Just follow me, loser.”   
Her hand tugged at his sleeve as they walked through the crowd.    
She led him upstairs.    
The music made the floor shake.    
She closed the door to a vacant room, turning on the lights and dimming them. “Jake’s parents room.”   
“Thanks, Chloe.” Jeremy sat on the bed and waited for the room to stop spinning.   
“Ya know, I know every room in this house.” Chloe started and made her way over to him. “I’ve spend a lot of  _ time  _ with Jake.”   
“Wha…”   
A shock.  _ SQUIP: She had sex in every room. That’s what she means. _ __  
_ Oh. _ __  
“Uh, good to know…” Jeremy voiced.   
Chloe laughed. “The grade A slut is dressed like a slut. That’s what you're thinking, right?”   
“What? No! Not at all. Honest… I don’t think you’re a slut, Chloe.”   
_ SQUIP: Things are going good. She’s re-evaluating how she views you. _ __  
“Well that’s a first…” Chloe sat down next to him. “People think I’m just a jealous bitch. Which I am.” She shrugged, taking a flask from her inside pocket and taking a swig of it.    
“Chlo--”   
“You’re tie. It’s crooked.” She faced Jeremy. This was the first time Jeremy realized that she had a red tint brushing her cheeks.   
“Yeah, it has been this whole time.”   
A silence. Another swig.   
_ SQUIP: She can really handle her liquor. I’m impressed. _ __  
“You know, how I told you that I don’t want you to mistreat Brooke.” Chloe’s words were wet with alcohol. “I  _ lied. _ ”   
“What?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow.  _ She’s drunk. _   
“Yeah, yeah. Like, guys can do whatever they want to her. But then  _ you _ came into the picture.” Her fingernail pressed into the teens cheeck. ”Flipped her whole world around, god, I don’t know what she sees in you!” Chloe laughed and took another swig.   
“Hey, I think you shouldn’t be drinking that so quickly.” Jeremy reached for the flask. Chloe pushed him on the bed. “Chlo--”   
Her lips tasted like vodka. Or what Jeremy thought vodka tasted like. He pushed her off. “Stop!!” He raised his voice. “I don’t want to do this… not to you, when you're in this state.”   
_ SQUIP: Why not! She’ll be easy to win over! _ __  
_ It’s not okay to take advantage of people who are drunk! _ __  
She laughed. Chloe laughed. It sounded sad. “Holy fuck. She was right. She was fucking right about _ you. _ ”    
Jeremy sat up. “Chloe, I know this isn’t you. I  _ know  _ that you’re a better person. Somewhere! But, I just…   
_ SQUIP: Jeremy if you disobey, she’ll hate you. _ __  
“...I don’t want you to get hurt, I want to get to know you better. But not like this.”   
_ SQUIP: Jeremy… _ __  
“I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’re drunk, and you don’t want to be with some anxious kid like me.”   
_ SQUIP: Jeremy. _ __  
The Squip’s voice was demanding.    
“I’m just going… I’m just gonna go.” Jeremy tried to move his legs. They were frozen.   
_ I can’t move! _ __  
_ SQUIP: You’ll thank me later. _ __  
Chloe gave him a smile, handing him the flask. “Take a sip. It’ll calm you down… You’re a lot cuter when you’re not talking.”   
Jeremy couldn’t move his body. He only watched as the Squip took control of his limbs, grasping the flask and raising it to his lips.   
_ Stop this!! _ __  
_ SQUIP: She’ll trust you after this is over! Why stop!! _ _  
_ The liquor went down his throat. It burned.  __ How do people stomach this? Jeremy’s body moved and his lips were touching Chloe's again. 

_ Stop. Stop this. Please fucking stop this!! _ __  
_ SQUIP: J-----EREMY ---SQUIP--- SCRAM---BLED FROM AL-COOOOHOL. _ __  
_ Why did you make me drink it then!! _ __  
Chloe pushed him onto the bed again. Kissing him harder.   
A knock at the door. A familiar voice. “Jeremy, are you in there? Christine said she saw you walk upstairs. I found you some seltzer. It was kinda hard to find.”   
Chloe unbuttoned his shirt. Her lips moved and bit his shoulder. She left hickeys on his collarbone. “Shh…”    
“Please, stop.” Jeremy gained control and pushed her off. “I’m not doing this!” He shouted at her. Tears were falling from his eyes. He went to the door and opened it.   
Brooke stood there. Looking at Jeremy, his sunglasses were crooked. Shirt was untucked and unbuttoned. Tears down his face. Chloe still on the bed. Laughing a sad laugh.   
“Jeremy…” Brooke whispered his name.   
“Hey, Brooke-y. I made out with your boyfriend. You were right. He’s an anxious mess.” Chloe said from the bed. Jeremy felt sick.    
“I-’m I’m sorry--I’m so fuck-ing sor-ry.” He sobbed.    
Brooke started crying, she ran down the stairs.    
“Brooke!” Jeremy wanted to follow her but he was frozen from shock. He wanted to punch himself. Kick himself for this.   
_ I shouldn’t have come!  _   
He shut his eyes and fell against the door frame. He was crying. From below, the music still shook the walls. Jake came up a few moments after the song had ended.    
“Chloe?” He called from the hall, he walked over to Jeremy. Acted like he wasn’t even there. “Brooke told me what happened. First, get out of my parents room.” He sounded mad. Mad and disappointed. “Second, leave. Sober up.” With a hint of caring.   
They started fighting. Chloe and Jake. Jake, in his giraffe costume, tried to get the flask from Chloe, resorting to picking her up and over his shoulder. “You  _ have  _ to stop this, Chlo.” His cool demeanor was gone. “No one thinks of you like a slut, stop this facade. Before you hurt yourself and the people you care about.” Where was this Jake? Who was this Jake?    
_ I’ve never met this Jake before. _   
The duo went down the stairs, Chloe struggling to get out of his hold. Jake stopped for a moment. He looked back at Jeremy, as if to say something. But Chloe hit his back with balled fists, and he sighed, continuing descending down the stairs.   
Jeremy crawled into an empty bathroom during the quiet seconds before another song came on.   
Locking the door.   
Trying to breath.   
It seemed to last for an eternity.   
“Fuck.  _ Fuck!”  _ He screamed. Hyperventilating and pacing the white tiled floor. “Everyone hates me! Everyone wants me dead! I want myself  _ dead! _ ” The tears weren’t stopping, he curled into a ball, leaning against the tub. “ _ Everything _ about me makes me want to die!” He threw the sunglasses off and buttoned his shirt back up. Trying to take deep breathes.   
_ Michael. I need to find Michael. He could help…  _ “Or does he hate me too…” The thought made Jeremy feel even more alone. But the thought did help. He tried to recall moments with him, the Squip seemed to block everything about Michael.  __ Why?

He choked out another sob.    
_ Wait, I asked it to block Michael. It’s my fault. Again.  _   
A rubber monster hand grabbed Jeremy's shoulder, he let out a high pitched scream, bolting from the bathroom floor. The hands’ body came up from inside the tub, and Jeremy couldn’t help but smile.   
It was Michael.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is an absolute bop. Like, I will burst into song when it comes on. It’s catchy and full of energy.  
> Big inspiration for this madness was from John Mulaney’s “The One Thing You Can’t Replace” skit. Never ceases to make me laugh…  
> Also, I decided to change some of the costumes that characters wear. Some are based on the actual halloween party that were found on instagram, some were new ideas.  
> Michael in the Bathroom is next.  
> Hope you guys like reading this as much as I love writing it.  
> \--SKQuill


	11. Michael In The Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy escapes the noise of the party and ends up in a situation, meeting his best friend again and losing what little control he had of himself.   
> Michael is alone.

Jeremy sniffled and tried to wipe his tears with his sleeve. He couldn’t hide the smile on his face, a light laugh broke through all his pain. “It’s good to see you, again.” He voiced. “Why are you here? I didn’t think that you’d come.”   
Michael got up from the tub, his body was covered in black netting. He started to take the costume off. Normal clothes underneath.   
“What were you supposed to…” Jeremy couldn’t finish the sentence. Another wave of shallow breathing.    
Michael immediately went to his side. Muttering soothing words and hushing him. He lowered Jeremy to the white tiled floor, one arm around him. Once they were grounded, Jeremy leaned his head on Michaels shoulder.   
“Thanks…” He sobbed. His body felt numb and tired. His head felt fuzzy and empty. But he felt comfortable. “Thank you  _ so _ much, Michael.” 

“You shouldn’t be thanking me.” Michael stated. Jeremy nuzzled closer to him. His best friend laughed. “I’ve been kinda stalking you, since you got the Squip. Cause I was worried about you.”  
 _Good._ “I’ve been a jerk.”  
“Yeah. You have.”  
They laughed.   
“So, why now...” Michael whispered. “What brought you here, and how are you talking with me?”  
Jeremy looked at him.   
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to… Or maybe the Squip has you tongue tied--”  
“It’s off. It started to malfunction… it made me drink some alcohol and then shut off.” Jeremy cut him short.  
Michael nodded, then backed away. His arm falling from where it was perched on Jeremy’s shoulder. “Michael?”  
He ran a hand through his hair. “You know, I was thinking about this moment. Like, what I’d say to you. But now it’s all just a mess in my head.” He gave Jeremy a smile.   
_I missed that smile._  
“I don’t know where to start, how to start!” Michael began pacing the bathroom. “I don’t know how much time I have--- How long has the Squip been off?”  
Jeremy rose from the floor and stopped Michael in his tracks. They just stared at each other. “That’s a stupid question, you’re recovering from a panic attack, I shouldn’t be asking you loaded questions.” Michael had a tendency to keep talking when he had nothing to say. Jeremy enjoyed it.  
“I think it’s been off for a few minutes. Ten, maybe eight?” Jeremy glanced at his appearance in the mirror. His eyes were red, he looked as pale as a ghost. “Geez.”  
“I know. Your appearance it both a blessing and a curse.” Michael joked.  
“Why is it bad? What’s bad about how I look?” Jeremy smiled.  
“Cause it’s _not you!_ ” Michael sighed. “Look, I’ve been doing some research on our good friend,” he tapped his temple. “You’re not gonna like what I have to say.” His smile was gone. Jeremy watched as he fiddled with his sweater. In green letters across Michael's chest, it read: CREEPS.  
 _Very Michael._ _  
_“I thought there wasn’t anything on it?” Jeremy spoke, feeling his head get less fuzzy.  
“There’s very _few_ things on it. So, I started to ask around. And I learned that... Well there’s this story about this guy who went from a straight D student to acing everything, in Harvard.”  
Jeremy nodded along. “That’s… Good, right?”  
Michael shook his head. “Do you know what happened to him?  
“He became successful and happy.” Jeremy shrugged.  
Again, his best friend shook his head. “He’s in a mental hospital, Jeremy. He went crazy.”  
The air became tense. Michael continued.  
“Think about it, okay! Don’t you think it’s weird that an insanely powerful supercomputer got into the hands of high schoolers and people use it to get better social standings?”  
“Well, I mean, it _has_ been helping me.” Jeremy countered.   
“And that’s great to hear, but have you thought about what it’s doing to _you?”_  
Jeremy felt a shock go through his body. His vision returned to blue bars.  
 _No no no._ “It’s helping me.” he repeated. His voice was weaker now.  
“Jeremy, do you really think it’s helping yo--”  
Anger rose in Jeremy. It wasn’t his. “Well, have you considered that maybe the universe just owed me this! Cause my life has sucked, and now it’s finally starting to get okay.”   
_SQUIP: Reactivated._ _  
_ _Fuck!_ _  
_ _SQUIP: Language Jeremy!_ _  
_ _Shut up! Turn off! Give me a minute. I didn’t mean to say that!_ _  
_Jeremy jumped as a shock ran through him. Before the Squip went silent. The blue bars were still there. The drug was still active.  
“How is it helping you, Jeremy? Tell me how shocking you for every little mistake is helping you!” Michael shouted.  
“You’re saying the guy from Harvard--that his Squip made him go crazy, right? Well, huh, maybe he went crazy because he couldn’t handle the Squip! Did that ever come to your mind.” The other teen protested.  
Jeremy thought he saw tears in his friend's eyes. He was starting to get sick of crying.   
“Ya’know, I was trying to be of help. I thought that I could get through to you even if you were Squipped! But I can’t, Jeremy. I want that old you back.” Michael shouted, the words got caught in his throat. As if he wanted to say something more.  
“Why can’t you just accept that the Squip is helping me! Everyone likes this new version of me, so why can’t you just follow along!”   
_Why are we fighting?_ _  
_“Because I thought,” Michael started, “I thought that our twelve years of friendship would get through your fucking head! I thought that, ‘hey, maybe this year will be different! Maybe I can actually tell Jeremy that I like him’--After _six_ of those twelve years being practically in love with you! I thought you’d listen to your best friend more, then some computer that’s in your head and messing with everything you do...” Tears were rolling down his face.  
Jeremy jumped as a new shock ran through him.  
 _SQUIP: Why do I always find you with him when I disappe---_ _  
_“That Harvard guy didn’t go crazy from the Squip! He went crazy because he was trying to _get it out!”_ Michael screamed. _  
__SQUIP: This is why I can't leave you alone, Jeremy. You always seem to run into_ him.  
“Well, that’s good to hear,” Jeremy went to the door. “Cause I’m not getting rid of it.” As his hand reached for the doorknob, Michael flung himself to it. “Michael…”  
“I’m not allowing you to leave. I can help you get it out, just please, don’t leave.”  
 _SQUIP: Don’t trust him. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about._ _  
_“Michael, get out of the way!” Jeremy felt like crying again, He could already feel the phantom pains shooting through him at the thought. Already feel himself lose grip of his body as the Squip took control.  
Michael shook his head. Tears didn’t suit him. Tears never suited anyone.  
“Michae--” Jeremy froze, he felt himself get pulled away from the moment completely.  
 _SQUIP: Did he confess to having homosexual feelings for you? That’s not acceptable._ _  
_ _Why? Why is that bad? Why were we fighting!? Why did you have to turn on and make everything worse!!_ _  
_Jeremy lurched forward, clutching his chest as more powerful volts spread through him.  
“Jere--” Michael touched him and immediately took his hand away. Jeremy felt like he was on fire, emitting electricity and shocking his best friend. The lights in the bathroom flickered, then went dark. Everything got quiet. No light. No music. No more noise. Then it all came back as if it never happened.  
 _What are you doing?!_ _  
_Jeremy wasn’t in control of his own body as he stood straight. The voice he heard was cold, cruel, made Jeremy wish he was dead.  
“Get out of my way you loser, _faggot.”_ _  
_Michael’s eyes went wide. His lips quivered as if he wanted to speak, but he just stepped aside,  hand falling from the doorknob.  
 _Michael… No no no no!!_ _  
_Jeremy felt himself gain consciousness, but not motor skills. He couldn’t turn around and apologize to his friend. He couldn’t curse out the Squip and beg for Michael to help.  
 _SQUIP: I’m doing this for your own good, Jeremy._ _  
_ _No, you’re not!_ _  
_Jeremy’s body moved out of the bathroom. His head was screaming the name of his best friend. Swears scratched his brain.  
 _Fuck. Go back! Squip, please. I don’t want to lose him!_ _  
_ _SQUIP: Why? He’s nothing to you Jeremy! I’ve told you a million times that you can’t associate with him!_ _  
_Jeremy gained control of his body and started to bang on the door. It was locked again. “Michael! Michael please!!” His shouts were a mix of pain and tears. His body was burning, his heart was racing, and he bolted from the door and down the stairs, out of the house.  
  
*** ** _  
_** ** _  
_**Michael backed away from the locked door, a hand over his mouth to hide the sobs escaping his throat. _Why did I say that to him?_  
The slur still hung in the room, it suffocated him. _Why did he say that to me?_ _  
_Michael found himself against the bathtub. His body fell to the tiled, white floor. This time there was no Jeremy in his arms. He curled into a ball, cradling his legs, rocking back and forth. “I’m going to laugh at this when it’s all over… It’s going to be funny.”  
 _No, it isn’t._ _  
_“All that matters, is that I told Jeremy about the Squip.”  
 _And that you loved him._ _  
_“That’s all-all that mat-matters.”  
 _He called you a faggot._ _  
_ _“Dammit!”_ Michael broke down; unable to believe his own lie. “Why did I tell him! What was I thinking!?” The music from downstairs made the floor shake. No one could hear him.  
He was alone. Forgotten about.  
“Did I think that he’d just say it back? That he liked me, too?” Michael wiped his eyes on his black sweater. “Get your head out of your ass, Michael… Jeremy would _never_ like you in the same way. He likes Christine… Maybe Brooke. He’d never want to be with someone like you!”  
A slow knock at the door, quiet. A slurred speech. “Hey, can you hurry up in there… I feel… Like I’m gonna puke.” Chloe’s voice.  
“I’m having an adverse effect to weed!!” Michael shouted at the door.  
Quiet.  
“Fine, I’ll go find someplace else…” She slurred, then spoke up as best as she could. “It’ll be okay, b-t-dubs.”  
 _No it won’t._ _  
_Again, solitude was Michael’s company. Solitude and tears. His mind went right to Jeremy.  
 _Stop torturing yourself._ _  
_“No one knows I’m here… No one knows who I am.” Michael muttered. “I-I could just… just leave-or-or…  
 _Die._  
His hands went to his pocket, fishing out his phone. He unlocked it, and started to look at his photos. “I could just… Disappear. And no one--no one would notice.”   
All the photos were of him and Jeremy. Or of Michael and his family.  
 _No one would care if you just disappeared right here._   
His fingers lingered on each picture of his friend.  
 _You can never get that back._ _  
_“I should have never egged him on to get the Squip…”  
 _This is your fault._ _  
_“I should have forced him to come with me during that one rehearsal.”  
 _What kind of idiot watches as his friend suffers._ _  
_“I should--”  
 _Don’t say it._ _  
_“I should have kissed him when I had the chance.”  
 _That wouldn’t change anything. It won’t change anything. It can’t change anything._  
Another knock at the door.  
“Go away!!” Michael screamed, he stood up. His head was swimming.   
_You’re just a voice to them. A nuisance._ _  
_He went to the door. He could hear the music better. It still shook the floor. A drunk student was singing.  
“I wanna dance with somebody…” Michael muttered along to their off key tone. His head went against the wood and he tried to breath. His glasses knocked against it, getting squished between the two. “I wanna feel the heat with somebody…”  
Memories of his dreams surfaced. They tortured him, turning to nightmares. Pipedreams that were never going to happen now.  
 _What did you expect._ _  
_“Yeah… I wanna dance with somebody…” Michael continued, his eyes shut and tears hitting his glasses. “With somebody…” He pushed off the door and choked out the last line, it was desperate. “With somebody who _loves_ me!” His glasses were full of tears now. He went to the sink and took them off.   
Another set of knocks.   
_They must hate you for taking so long._  
“I’ll be out soon.” He didn’t sound convincing. His voice, his whole body, was tired. He felt like it had been years. _  
_His reflection in the mirror was blurry from his bad eyesight. He could make out his red eyes and heavy breathing. “If anyone asks me, I’ll just say it’s because of pot, or-or that I got something in my eye.”  
 _You’re all alone, in a bathroom, crying your eyes out till they burn. Why would anyone want to talk to you after this._ _  
_He heard loud banging from downstairs. The picture frames started to bounce.  
“Why’d he have to leave me alone like this? He-he was at the door earlier, right?”   
_That could have been anyone. Why would he care about you if he called you a fag._ _  
_The noise got louder. Michael turned on the faucet and started to splash himself with cold water. It was a trick he’d learned.  
It worked sometimes.  
Sticking his glasses on again, he saw his reflection in full.   
_It didn’t work._   
A new wave of tears spilled out of his eyes.   
“This night freaking sucks…” He said. “What was I expecting to happen?! What good would have come out of it!!” Michael’s fists banged on the sink. His mind was back to racing again. “People think I’m a stoner! People think I’m some pot head!” He screamed. “Rides a goddamn razor scooter to school!! What kind of fucking loser does that!?!” He ran a hand through his hair. “Cries in a fucking bathroom, all night, because he can’t deal with being left alone, _or_ at a big social event! Michael Mell, the loser! Michael Mell, the stoner! Michael Mell, the kid who should just _kill_ himself, because _everything_ is his _fucking_ fault!!” The declaration rang in the bathroom.  
He went to his stuff in the tub. He grabbed his hoodie and phone, and left, unlocking the door, wiping his red eyes the best that he could. He opened it, the music was blaring.   
_Should have brought my headphones._  
He got to the first floor and people were still partying. He glanced into the living room and saw Brooke sitting on the couch, a bubbly drink in her hands. Christine was on the phone. She was pacing. Chloe sat next to Brooke, her hair was in a messy bun. She seemed to be passed out.   
They all looked worried.  
Michael stopped himself from going over to them. He went to the door.  
“Thanks for inviting me,” He shouted to the crowd that couldn’t hear him. “Really enjoyed myself.” He shut the door and started to head home.  
  
He opened the door to his house and stepped in. It was a saturday night. His mom would be home. When the door closed behind him and his shoes were off, he heard her quick footsteps.  
“Michael!” She shouted his name once she saw that it was him. His mother hugged him. “I was so worried about you!” Her grip squeezed him.   
_Leave me alone. Let me die._  
“We thought you got hurt…” She spoke once Michael was released.   
_I want to die. If it fails, I’ll get hurt._ “What do you mean?” Michael looked at her and raised an eyebrow. His eyes stung.   
“At the Halloween party, that you were at… there was a fire. We didn’t know if you got hurt or not.”  
 _If I stayed, I could have been stuck in it._ “Oh…”   
“Honey, is everything alright?” She blinked at his empty response.  
 _No._ “I’m sorry…” Michael hugged her. “I’m such a failure. I--I shouldn’t exist.”  
“Michael,” she wrapped her arms around him. “What’s wrong?”  
He shook his head. All he could say was a continued apology.   
  
  
***  
  
Jeremy slammed his door shut and tore off his blazer.   
_SQUIP: Jeremy, calm down._ _  
_He pulled the tie off and threw it into the darkness of his room.  
 _SQUIP: Jeremy…_ _  
_“Why should I calm down!! You-you just took control of my body and-and said, _that,_ to Michael!” Jeremy screamed. His body was overheating from his emotions and the electricity.   
_SQUIP: I was just stating the truth. I’ve told you a number of times that you shouldn’t associate with him._ _  
_“Well, stop that! What is so bad with him--why don’t you like Michael!”  
 _SQUIP: Why do you?!_ _  
_The cool attitude of the Squip melted into a shout of anger.  
 _SQUIP: Let’s drop the topic._ _  
_“No!” Jeremy’s body locked up as electricity ran through him.  
 _SQUIP: You have to obey me, Jeremy!_ _  
_The shocks kept getting stronger. Jeremy didn’t know if he was screaming or not. He’d gotten used to hiding the pain. He fell to his knees, then onto the wooden floor. His vision was blurred as pain radiated off his body. He tried to get his phone from his pocket. His hands were too numb to move.  
 __SQUIP: This is your fault, Jeremy. I didn’t have to go this far, but you forced my hand.  
“Let… Let me see Mich-- AhhhHHHH!!!” Jeremy went into a fetal position on the floor as the volts took him over.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of me likes to believe that some of you guys have been really looking forward to this chapter. Silently wondering, What will they do for MITB? Maybe I hit a chord with some of you, maybe not.   
> Michael was the reason I wanted to write this whole work. His character shined with this song. HIS song.   
> A lot of failed high school relationships can happen because of miscommunication, or saying the wrong thing when you’re in a state of high emotions.   
> If you saw a person you love, suffering from an outside element, what would you do? What would you say to them? That’s what I wanted to capture in this chapter. The words said, and the aftermath of it all.  
> I feel it's an obligation to write this in, but... MICHAEL WHO YOU DON'T KNOW. MICHAEL FLYING SOLO. MICHAEL IN THE BATHROOM BY HIMSELF. ALL BY HIMSELF. ALL BY HIMSELF....  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> \--SkQuill


	12. Rich Set A Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, have you heard?

- **-Incoming call: Jenna Rolan--**  
**\--Call failed--**  
**\--Incoming call: Jenna Rolan--**  
**\--Call failed--**

**Jenna:** OMG  
**Jenna:** Chloe!!  
**Jenna:** ANswer your fucking phone!!  
**Jenna:** I Can’t say this SHIT through text  
**Jenna:** It’s too  (Bomb )Fucked(Bomb )  
**Jenna:** thIS  (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)SHIT(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)IS(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands) RIPE.(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)  
**Jenna:** anwser your fucking phone, gurl. I’ll yell you all the jucie deets  (Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )

**\--Incoming call: Jenna Rolan--**  
“Why is she calling.”  
**\--Incoming call: Jenna Rolan--**  
“How did she even get my number?”  
**\--Incoming call: Jenna Rolan--**  
“Ugh,” She picked up the phone and put on a smile. “Hey!”  
“OHHHHHHHH.”  
Chloe considered hanging up then.  
“Oh my god, okay okay okay, so… listen to this…” Jenna’s giggles passed through the phone. Chloe pressed the speaker button, placing her phone next to her as she curled more into her fluffy pink covers. Her head was pulsating, her eyes felt itchy and dry. A discarded teacher costume was littered on her floor.  
_Or was it a hot secretary?_  
“...So by now I was on, like, my seventh beer. My face paint is smeared but I’m still truckin’ along...”  
_What is she talking about again?_  
Chloe’s head was a fog of pain.  
“...Then I see Rich. You saw Rich at the party, right?”  
Chloe blinked, taking in the question. “Y-yeah. I did. He was acting weird. Probably drunk off his ass.”  
I’m one to talk.  
“Right--but listen to this… Rich wasn’t drunk.”  
Chloe laughed. “Oh, please!”  
Rich was a mess at the party, even before then. Like, who comes to a halloween party, dressed as Jason and not have any props. Did he even have a loaf of bread with him?  
The hazy memories of the night were clearing a bit.  
Making out with Jeremy--That sure happened.  
Basically destroying whatever friendship Chloe had with Brooke--Who needs her anyway?  
Jake, talking to her. And being nice, and understanding and worried--Clingy Chloe? Don’t know her.  
Through the foggy memories Chloe recalled Rich. He--  
_Fuck what did he do…_  
“He wasn’t drunk, Chloe!” Jenna repeated, breaking Chloe from her hungover haze. Her voice was loud and accompanied by a clap back with each word, or syllable.  
“Proof? Photos? Videos? It didn’t happen--”  
“An alibi!”  
_Has she been watching crime dramas again?_ “And that would be?”  
“Dustin! Dustin saw him, acting crazy the entire time. But the worst was what the D-man saw what Rich did after everyone thought he calmed down….”  
Silence on both ends.  
“Jenna, are you going to tell me, or not?  
“Geez.. Haven’t you heard of dramatic effect!”  
“Stop watching shitty dramas!”  
“Fine. But I’m only telling you this because you’re my closest friend!”  
Chloe laughed again, “Bitch, where? I’m not even your friend!”  
Jenna giggled again. “Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make you feel better ‘cause you’re a bitch.”  
Chloe’s stunned silence was more out of being impressed that Jenna had the guts to say that to her, then her hungover state.  
_I definitely deserve this._  
Chloe sighed, “So what happened?”  
“At the end of the party, Rich, our little friendo, yeah. He set Jake’s house on fire!”  
Chloe rose out of bed. “What!?” She shouted as the room spun around her.  
“Yeah! Burned it down to the fucking groUND!!” Jenna matched Chloe’s shouting. A low alto.  
The hazy memories cleared more, as Chloe recalled more of the party.  
_Left right before things got good it seemed._  
She silently wished that she could have been there when that happened. Feel the heat and hear the screams as Rich went completely off the deep end.  
“And you’re sure about this?” Chloe asked.  
“Yeah. I get all the juicy dirt.”  
Chloe hung up then. She grabbed her phone and got out of bed. Putting the phone to her ear as it rung, only to be ignored. Her fingers quickly went to typing away at a message.

**Chloe:** Brookey! Answer me when i call you.  
_I sound like a mother... Ew._  
**Chloe:** Listen, I’m sorry for what happened at the party! It was totally Jeremy’s fault tho. He said he was looking for a quiet place and dragged me there. God, what a loser.  
_Nice lie, loser._  
**Chloe:** Let’s not let people like him get in between us ever again, okay  
**Chloe:** (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )(Lipstick )(Paw Prints )

 

Her phone buzzed, Brooke on the other line. Chloe smiled and let go of a held breath.  
“Hey.” Brooke answered.  
“We cool?” A desperate smile on the hungover girls lips.  
“For now.”  
“Awesome!” Chloe didn’t care how long that would last. “Okay, so, did you see Rich at the party? Like at all?”  
“Uh, kinda… I was focused on helping Jeremy--” She paused. “--And then I was crying for the rest of the night.”  
Because of me. “Hey, I apologized for that!” Fix it. Fix everything about myself.  
“Mmhmm. Yeah, so… Yeah, saw Rich. He was acting weird. Did he smoke too much or something? Cause I don’t think it’s okay to smoke a lot for someone his height.”  
“True that.”  
“I hope he wasn’t pressured into it…”  
God, she can be so caring that it hurts. “He wasn’t high, Brookey.”  
“Oh really? Then did he drink too much?”  
“Nope.”  
“...Then--”  
“Rich set Jake’s house on fire at the end of the party!”  
Brooke fell silent. Chloe heard small murmurs on the other end.  
“Sorry, can you repeat that. My Mom was talking.”  
 _God, she's so sweet._ “Rich--the guy who would willingly jump on a pool table and break it--Set fire. To Jake’s house.”  
“Jake? Like, our Jake?”  
“Yeah. Tall guy, good at everything, likes to try new things, breaks up with girls ‘cause he thinks they’re too clingy--”  
“--uh, Chloe?”  
“--Then decides, hey let’s be friends again! Like everything is just a clean slate.”  
_Shut up._  
“Chloe!”  
“What!!”  
Another silence. The volume of her voice seemed to ring around her walls. Digging into Chloe’s ears. It scared her. She scared herself.  
“Let’s just focus on Rich right now, okay?” In the ringing chaos of Chloe’s hangover, Brooke’s voice was almost soothing. She’s so nice.  
“Okay.” Chloe whispered, it was more of a declaration for herself. A quiet resolve to fix herself. She took a few deep breaths. Her body moved and started to pick up her costume with her free hand as her other hand held the phone.  
“You were right, by the way.” Chloe started as she laid the white blouse on her bed and tried her best to fold it with one hand.  
“Pardon?”  
_“Jerry.”_ Chloe took the folded shirt and went over to her dresser, opening the drawer with her toe and placing the shirt in.  
The whole calling Jeremy ‘Jerry’ was a joke. It seemed to annoy Jeremy and Brooke, so Chloe kept it up. _I should also stop that._  
“Kissing Jeremy… You were right about it.” She kicked the drawer closed and pursed her lips. “It’s like, I don’t know, kissing a mirror--Like, not in the sense that he’s stiff and awkward. But like…” Chloe tried to get the words formed in her hazy brain. “...It felt like--”  
“--It feels like you're kissing yourself. Or like, another girl.” Brooke finished the sentence for her.  
“Yes! Exactly.” Chloe smiled. “See this is why you’re my friend.”  
“Friend’s don’t make out with friend’s dates at a Halloween party.” Brooke’s voice was soft when she said it, scared almost. Small and scared.  
Chloe took the words with a deep breath.  
“How’s your hangover? You were passed out on me for a bit, after you fought with Jake.” Brooke asked, shedding light on more hazy memories.  
“Feels awful, thanks for asking.”  
Brooke laughed. “No problem.”  
“How’s… How’re you?” The words were choked out from Chloe’s lips. She had held them in for too long.  
“Good. I didn’t drink at the party. I drank the ginger ale that I found for Jeremy, but that’s really it.”  
Chloe’s fingers picked at the tan button that was on the plaid blazer. Guilt was boiling up in her brain, hazy memories of kissing the uncomfortable teen appeared. She gnawed on her lip to hold back cursing at herself. Instead her head did it for her; it stabbed her with the guilt she felt for hurting Brooke, for using Jeremy, for making Jake mad.  
“How’s Jeremy?” That was the first time Chloe used his name and meant it. Both the question and name.  
“...Not sure.”  
The hungover girl raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t talk with him?”  
“No. He-He hasn’t been checking his phone. Maybe it died or something.”  
His lips were stiff. Chloe recalled, she fell on her bed and wrapped herself under the covers again. “Brooke, I’ll talk to you later. I need to get over this headache.”  
“Oh. Okay. See ya later then."  
Quiet.  
Chloe traced her lips with her finger. Admittedly, she didn’t know much about Jeremy. Just what Brooke would say about him. That he was nervous, that he was cute in a weird way. She felt a weight appear in her stomach.  
_Why did you do that, Chlo?_  
Jeremy--he was wearing a suit--If Chloe’s memory was right. He looked uncomfortable in it.  
He looked uncomfortable that whole time.  
A knock at her door.  
“Chloe, time to get up. We have to talk about that party you went to.” Her father said. He wasn’t strict about her drinking, he understood that parties and drinking was a part of high school. He was wondering about the fire.  
“Coming…” Chloe called back. She took another deep breath. As she got out of bed she kept replaying the events of the party, more specifically, Jeremy and how he acted during the party.

***  
**Chloe:** So  
**Chloe:** Jeremy

Chloe’s fingers tapped on her phone, taking notes with the other; glancing from her phone, to the teachers chatter, to the notes on the board.

**Brooke:** Why are you so interested in him all of a sudden?  
**Chloe:** You know how in the book, the guy is trying to get on the good grace of others?  
**Chloe:** like he tries to shoe everyone that he’s changed.  
**Chloe:** *show  
**Brooke:** The Kite Runner? Ye?  
**Chloe:** Thats me. I’m that character. I’m trying to show that I can be a better person.  
**Brooke:** Stating it like that defeats the whole purpose.  
**Chloe:** LET ME BE A BETTER PERSON. DO YOU THINK I ENJOY BEING KNOWN AS CLINGY CHLOE.  
“Ms. Valentine? Chloe?” The teacher called. He went over to her desk and tapped it. She looked up.  
“Sorry…” Chloe took the phone and shoved it into her shoulder bag.

 

***

“I haven’t seen him, sorry.” Christine stated.  
“Cool.” Chloe answered, defeated.  
Christine’s fingers curled around her backpack straps. “Are you being a detective? I haven’t seen Jeremy since the party.” She bounced on her heels. “Haven’t seen Rich or Jake either.”  
Brooke looked at her phone, scrolling up on the last conversation she had with Jeremy.  
“Do you know…” Christine started. She moved out of the way of students that were sitting down for lunch. “...About the fire?”  
Chloe nodded. “My pops told me about it--”  
“I told you first!” Jenna put in, she leaned in close to the girls. “Burned the whole house to the ground.”  
“Geez, really?” Christine stopped bouncing on her heels and took a vacant seat at the table. “I heard it was just one room.”  
“Yeah then it spread to the whole house--” Jenna started, but Chloe cut her off with a wave of her hand.  
“The only people that really know what happened aren’t here.”  
“Maybe we could put up posters, like, missing posters.” Christine suggested.  
Chloe looked at her, then to Brooke who was trying to yet again get a hold of Jeremy.  
“Funny how we live in an age of social media, where you can find out what anyone is doing, and yet we can’t find three people.” Chloe laughed, though when no one else did, she stopped.  
“What if Rich died.” Jenna muttered. “Like, the fire was like a viking funeral for himself.” Her plastic fork stabbed into the salad she wasn’t eating.  
“Had he been acting different? At the party, or before it?” Christine asked, then said. “I don’t--I don’t know him that well.” She shifted in her seat, her eyes falling on each girl as if to say I don’t know you that well either.  
“Not that I can recall…” Brooke finally placed her phone down and entered the conversation. “His costume was odd, but I don’t think he was acting weird at the party.”  
“You were the giraffe, right?” Chloe nodded to Christine. “Matching with Jake?”  
She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, we wanted to have matching costumes.”  
“Maybe Rich set the fire cause he wanted to make a statement.” Jenna said to the air. “Look at me, I’m Rich Goranski! A literal flaming homosexual--”  
A new voice appeared, she placed her hands on the table. “You know about the fire?”  
Tylia, that’s her name? Right.  
“Everyone does.” Chloe answered. “Do you know more information about it?” She chewed on the straw of her juice, before taking a long sip.  
Tylia pursed her lips as her eyes went over the group. “I saw Rich making out with Jake.”  
Chloe nearly spit her juice out, it slid down the wrong pipe and she exploded in a coughing fit. “W-Wha--” She tried to get out. Tylia nodded, she got the gist of Chloe’s choked out words.  
“Yeah, it was weird. Like… Like you know that picture of that hamster trying to eat a banana? It was like that.”  
Jenna laughed and said what everyone was thinking, although no one would admit it. “Did Rich suck his dick?” Jenna prodded at Chloe once the coughing fit was done. “You’ve sucked him off, right? Is that statement true?”  
“Jenna what does this have to do with them missing from school!” Brooke snapped at her. The table got quiet, and Tylia walked off to get out of the awkward silence. I’ve never heard Brooke yell like that.  
The silence was broken by a ringing of Christine’s phone. She looked at the name, a smile on her lips and her eyes wide.  
“Jake! Hey, w-what happened--”  
“Ask if he’s seen Rich or Jeremy?” Brooke lightly tugged at Christine’s denim jacket.  
“Ask if Rich sucked his dick.”  
“Jenna, shut up. Please. This isn’t funny!” Chloe hissed at the girl.  
“Uh…” Christine hesitated, “Sorry, can you repeat that?” She started to get up and move out of the lunch room. Small head nods and sounds of affirmation were seen as she left and went to a quieter place.  
“Can’t I make jokes about the situation? The key to comedy is to make a joke out of tragedy.” Jenna stated.  
“No.” Chloe and Brooke said at once. Brooke rubbed her eyes and went back to her own phone.  
“Brooke-y…” Chloe wanted to reach across the table and tap her friend’s shoulder. “We’re gonna find him.” Her words were hollow, but they were the best she could muster.  
They’re okay. They have to be okay… Jeremy has to be okay.  
“I just… I don’t know how to get a hold of him…” Brooke muttered. “He called me and asked me out to the party. I should--I should of just declined, and instead we could have just hung out at my place or something.” She sounded on the verge of tears.  
This is my fault. Chloe felt the weight again on her chest. He’d be okay, we’d know where he is, if I didn’t get jealous… Chloe balled her hands into fists. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” She muttered, pleaded. She wished she could turn back time and stop herself from doing what she did, to stop Jeremy from going to the party, to stop herself from being jealous of her friends happiness… This is all my fault!  
“What if he got stuck in the fire! I didn’t see him leave the party!” Brooke said. “What if he’s hurt, or-or worse!” Brooke was holding her phone tight enough that her knuckles turned white.  
Fuck, Chloe! Why did you have to fuck everything up!  
“Hey guys…” Jenna sat up and muttered. She caught on to the panic that the two were having. She couldn’t do anything to soothe the two girls.  
“I don’t care if we’re dating or not…” Brooke stammered out, tears started to fall from her face. “I just want to be sure he’s okay!”  
She saw something in him that I couldn’t.  
“Brooke-y…” Chloe reached out and touched her shoulder this time.  
“He was a wreck at that party! I shou-should have been a better date and caught that!! He seems to be the type to break out into tears!! He did at play!! Why didn’t I catch that?!” Brooke cursed at herself.  
“Because Jeremy was with me, and he was a wreck… with me… He-He--God, Brooke what if he’s dead… Why couldn’t we---” Chloe also lost herself then, getting up from her seat, grabbing her bag and Brooke’s arm. Leaving Jenna there in the loud, crowded cafeteria.  
Calm down. Calm down. “I’m sorry…” Chloe repeated as they roamed the halls looking for Christine. “I’m so freaking sorry…”  
What if I’m the reason he won’t answer? What if I’m the reason Rich started the fire, and Jake got stuck in it…  
The two nearly walked passed Christine. She was sitting in the alcove next to the stairs. Jeremy’s locker was there. Christine wasn’t crying. She gave the two a smile.  
“Jake’s okay. He--He got hurt in the fire. Broke his legs… He’s in the hospital now, but…” Christine looked at the two tear streaked girls. “When the fire started, it was small. Rich did cause it. Jake--he… He was telling me that when it did happen no one was in the house but a few people. Since Jake knows everyone… He went back inside to get Rich, since he was the only one missing from the group.” Chloe found her hand in Brooke’s, they were squeezing each other. Silently praying. “A beam fell, as Jake got Rich out… Fell right on Jake’s legs.” She was holding something back.  
Why isn’t she a mess…  
“Jake told me that the fire, it-it was…” Chloe watched as Christine got up, bouncing on her heels again. Trying to smile. Failing to smile. A single tear falling as she spoke. “Rich was trying to kill himself.”  
Chloe tried to read her mind then. Maybe Christine was thinking of plays where suicide was a theme, but it wasn’t romanticized. Maybe she was trying to come up with ways to turn back time. Maybe she was holding back the urge to cry more, because she was as lost and confused as everyone else.  
“I don’t know if you care but… Jake did say that he kissed Rich. That was before the fire… Rich apparently wanted to. But then he started the fire…” Her arms folded as if she was trying to comfort herself. “Jeremy wasn’t in the house when it started. He left before any of it happened. Maybe an hour or 30 minutes before it did…” Christine sniffled, she gave the two of them a smile.  
“I’m kinda glad you two care about him so much. He seems like a really great friend to have.”  
A friend? Was that what Chloe would use to describe Jeremy?  
“I’m gonna get ready for my next class, the period is almost over.” Christine started to walk away from the two. The girls weren’t in a death grip anymore. Brooke was wiping her tears; Chloe was smiling back at Christine.  
“I’ll see you guys in rehearsal, okay?”  
“Yeah, totally… Let’s… Let’s make sure that when Jake, Jeremy and Rich come back… Let’s blow their minds with how good it is.” Chloe answered. She gave the best smile she could muster.

***

Chloe fell onto her bed that night, her hair was damp from the shower she just took and her books were sprawled out on the carpeted floor.  
**\--Class of 2017? More like Ass of 2017--**

**Chloe** : alright ppl.  
**Chloe:** Full disclosure of the Fire aftermath…  
**Chloe:** Rich has been discharged from the hospital, and suspended from school grounds till further notice.  
**Christine:** Why was he suspended?  
**Jake:** Causing harm to other students, vandalism, causing serious harm to himself… it’s basically that like, the school doesn’t want him on the grounds if he’s so unstable that he causes a house fire, breaks someone’s legs and was trying to harm himself.  
**Jake:** But  
**Jake:** He’s okay. We’re all okay. I got my legs busted and he has some scars and bandages, but we’re OK. c:  
**Chloe:** Thanks for the input.  
**Jake:** np  
**Jake** : I’ll be back in school in a bit. Gotta get used to not moving my legs.  
**Jake:** I’m like a cyborg.  
**Chloe:** c:  
**Brooke:** Cyborg Jake. It’s a pleasure to meet you. :p

 

The conversation made her laugh. It reminded her of being a child again, having no worries…

**Chloe:** Idea: Can we make a card for Rich? Like a get well soon card.  
**\--Jake is typing.--**  
**\--Jake is typing.--**  
**\--Jake is typing.--**  
**Jake:** I was trying to come up with some fire puns but none of them are awful enough to put on a get well soon card.  
**Jenna:** _Bursts thru your screen_ IM ALWAYS DOWN FOR AWFUL PUNS.  
**Christine:** Jake, do you also want a card?  
**Jake:** Nah… I couldn’t.  
**Christine:** It reads: Congrats on breaking a leg!’  
**Jake:** Is that a theater term.  
**Christine:** oh, sorry, yeah it is. It means good luck.  
**Jake:** Congrats and good luck?  
**Christine:** We don’t have to give you a card if you don’t want to! I just saw that awful puns were involved and wanted to give it a shot.

 

Chloe put her phone down and shut off the light, she placed it face down on her nightstand, hooking it up to the charging cord. She took a few deep breathes before curling up in bed.  
A few days had passed since the fire. The trees were bare. Jeremy was still silent.  
_But he’s okay._  
Chloe blinked in the darkness. A few days ago, she was crying because she hurt her friend.  
_But she’s okay._  
She closed her eyes.  
_And I’m okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was originally gonna be a double hitter chapter--Posting two chapters in one day. But I decided against it last minute because I'm very busy and want more time to edit and write.  
> None the less.  
> Have a Chloe chapter.


	13. Bonus: RichJake kiss; Start of The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Rich started the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea became a thing when my Player 2, Popurikat said, "honestly can I get an intermission of this whole part? That kiss must've been intense, enough to have the squip kill him? Like dang"   
> and I replied with, "I'll write something up."  
> So here it is. I think the term is 'ficlet.'  
> Rich's Squip is literally Patton from Sander Sides.   
> Again, thanks to my Player 2, Popurikat for everything.   
> Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> \--SKQuill

“I like your costume!” Rich shouted above the music. He had a red cup that was filled with soda. He was standing next to Jake, overlooking a crowd of party-goers dancing and talking.   
_ SQUIP: Can he hear you? _ __   
_ I hope so. _ __   
Jake gave him a smile nonetheless, a big grin with a small hint of his tongue sticking out.   
_ Adorable.  _ __   
_ SQUIP: Keep talking to him! _ __   
“Is there a reason you and Christine are matching?” Rich asked.   
“Not really, we were talking about like, having matching costumes and she found these super cute onesies. It kinda all fell into place.” Jake laughed, he took a sip of whatever he was drinking. “Thanks again, for bringing drinks.”   
“N-no problem!” Rich smiled. “My dad has a lot of it.” He shrugged and laughed off the guilt he held for stealing his father’s beer.    
“Yeah… uh… You know I didn’t think you’d be okay with all this.” Jake started, “With your dad and all, I thought you’d be totally against drinking.”   
Rich stood there for a moment.   
_ SQUIP: He really hit the nail on the head. Are you alright? _ __   
_ Yeah… I knew someone would ask me this eventually. _ __   
_ SQUIP: Did you want it to be him? _ __   
_ Maybe. _ __   
“Personally, I don’t like to drink. But as long as people know their limits I’m fine.” Rich watched as Jake's green eyes went from him to the group of girls that were on the couch. Chloe was passed out and leaning her head on Brooke like nothing was wrong.   
“H-hey… Do you wanna, go someplace to talk?” Rich blurted. Jake’s eyes went back to him.   
“Is something wrong?” The taller boy asked.   
_ SQUIP: Rich, I should tell you that my system might start to malfunction due to the smell alone. I’ll ask you again, are you alright? _ __   
“No-yeah…” Rich coughed, the grainy odor of beer was all around the room. “I might be okay with people drinking, but the smell…” He tried to laugh. “That’s another thing.”    
“The basement is the sober room. Wanna go there,” Jake shrugged, “Just chill.”   
_ SQUIP: YES. _ __   
“I’d like that…” __   
The basement was white walls. With sliding glass doors. Paintings were hung up.    
“Is this like, supposed to be an art gallery?” Rich asked, he’d never been down here, even though he’s known Jake for years.   
“Yeah. My folks are art curators, so they collect paintings. The basement is like a miniature show room.” Jake explained.    
_ SQUIP: That’s probably why his parental units aren’t here. _ __   
“They at a show?”   
Jake smiled, “Yeah. They love what they do!”    
Rich returned the smile. He could sense the pride radiating off of the taller boy, an actual sense of happiness and gratitude for what your parents do. Rich never knew what that felt like.   
“So,” Jake broke Rich from his thoughts with the sound of hands meeting giraffe onesie fabric. “We’re free to chill down here for a bit.”   
“Uh,  _ we?”  _ Rich raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t it bad for a host to not, well, be a host.”   
“I mean…” Jake pursed his lips, and let out a breathy laugh.    
_ He’s such a dork... _ __   
_ SQUIP: Heart rate increasing. _ _   
_ __ Yeah.

_ SQUIP: What would make this situation better for you? _ __   
_ Not sure… I can’t think of anything that could top this. _ __   
Jake rubbed the back of his neck. “It would also be bad for a host to leave a guest when they’re not feeling well.” Jake didn’t meet Rich’s gaze when he said that. His green eyes were staring upward at the shaking ceiling. “You, just here, in an art gallery... Seems kinda lonely.”   
_ SQUIP: Aw… _ __   
Rich was speechless. His heartbeat was in his ears. His face was burning. “Oh…” Was all the Jason costumed boy could muster. “W-would… Do you want, t’ be lonely together?”   
_ SQUIP: AW _ __   
Jake did the same breathy laugh, his gaze went to the white tiled floor, then to Rich. “Honestly. That seems a hell of a lot more fun.”   
_ SQUIP: (*TｰT)b _ __   
_ What did you just say? _ __   
_ SQUIP: That was me. Expressing the human emotion of joy. _ __   
  


  
“So what made you want to do sports?” Rich asked as they took a seat on the couch. It was black and somehow fit in with the rest of the white room. There were two other people that were down there.    
“It was my parents idea, they said that like, everything is a work of art. Sculptors would create these perfect looking pieces, and my folks are just so intrigued by that.” Jake explained, the two were staring at a painting that hung on the near wall, it’s base was an olive green, mixed with reds. “Funnily enough, I really liked sports. I like, like all kinds of extracurricular stuff.” The painting reminded Rich of a bloodstained battlefield.    
“What are your favorites?”   
Jake smiled again. “Surprisingly, not sport related. I really like photography, and I’m having a lot of fun at play.”    
_ SQUIP: So he doesn’t like being the center of attention. _ __   
_ What do you mean by that? _ __   
_ SQUIP: Well, Photography is considered a lonely art form. Because the photographer is never seen. The same goes with theatre--Or at least, from looking at his role. He’s been living in the limelight for years, Rich.  _ __   
Rich’s eyes drifted to Jake, leaving the bloodstained painting behind. “Would it be rude to ask if I could see some of your pictures?”   
Jake’s lip twitched as he considered the thought. “I, uh, I’m not… Not that great at it.”   
_ SQUIP: Nonsense! _ __   
“I can’t believe that.” Rich spoke. “You’re Jake Dillinger. Best athlete at school, constantly busy with clubs and all-around a great person.”   
Jake looked at Rich as he spoke.    
“I guess, I just… Need a break from being this perfect person.” The taller boy confessed. “The thing with my parents is that, even though they believe that every person is a perfect work of art, they still pushed me to be… Well, how I am.”

_ Should I apologize to him then? _ __   
Jake let out another breathy laugh. “Sorry, I know parents are a touchy subject for you. We can just drop the topic if you want.”   
Another silence. The other two people down there started to get up and walk around, looking at the art.    
“You don’t have to be perfect around me.” Rich said. “We’re in the art gallery basement of your house, avoiding everyone upstairs. You don’t have to keep up that facade.”   
Jake bit his bottom lip and nodded slowly. “...Thanks.” he muttered. A light smile appeared as he turned to Rich.   
The shorter boy didn’t realize till their lips were touching that he made a mistake.    
“Sorry!” Rich broke it quickly, “I was just… sorry-sorry…”   
_ SQUIP: That was my fault. I really wanted you two to kiss. _ __   
Jake didn’t say anything.   
_ SQUIP: Sorry, Rich!! _ _   
_ __ What do I do?! What do I say?! He’s not saying anything!!

Jake’s eyes did a quick scan of the room, making sure that they were alone. Rich had tunnel vision to notice that others were down there. The taller boy leaned forward and continued to kiss Rich.  
And Rich continued to kiss him back.   
Again. And again. And again.   
Jake’s lips had the faint taste of beer.  
 _SQUIP: Ric---h---I do--n’’’’’t_ _  
_ _Don’t tell me you’re going to fritz out._ _  
_ _SQUIP: OVER---STIMU---LU---S_ _  
_ _Not now!_ _  
_ _SQUIP: MOMENTARY SHUT----D----OWN_ _  
_Rich broke the kiss again as a shock passed through him.  
 _“Fuck.._ I--I am so sorry…” Rich mumbled.  
“Are you okay?”   
“Yea--No… No, I am not. I’m a freaking mess…” Rich stammered. “I really, like _really,_ want to kiss you more, but just…”  
 _SQUIP: Reactivated._ _  
_ _Thank God._ _  
_“You’re scared about what others will think?” Jake spoke, Rich could only nod.  
 _SQUIP: Why are you kissing him?_ _  
_The Squips voice was different. It was cold, more metallic. Rich’s Squip usually had a tone of voice that sounded almost always happy. Greeting the day with a smile. This version, the new voice was the opposite.  
Rich felt electrical shocks pass through him, his hands kneaded at the couch cushion to hide the hot streaks of pain.   
_SQUIP: I’ll ask again._ _  
_ _SQUIP: Why were you kissing him?_ _  
_“Don’t get me wrong, Jake.. I _really_ like you. A lot. Like, I’m still reeling that this is happening cause I never thought it would happen!”  
 _SQUIP: This is unacceptable._ _  
_ _SQUIP: This behavior is unacceptable._  
“I just…”  
 _SQUIP: I’m ending this behavior before it can get out of hand._ _  
_ _No. Whatever you’re doing… don’t do it. Shut down! Now._ _  
_Rich’s eyes scanned the room in a quick ergency. There was no alcohol down here.  
 _Maybe if I run upstairs I can get some before something bad happens._ _  
_ _SQUIP: OH_ _  
_ __SQUIP: Now that’s an idea! I took you as a complete idiot, but you actually have some brain in there.  
  


__   
“I’m sorry... “ Rich quickly kissed Jake’s lips again as another shock went through him.  __ Shit!    
Rich’s body moved on it’s own then, leaving the other teen behind. Bolting up the stairs.   
Jake called his name again. Worried.

_ What are you going to do?! _

_ SQUIP: Like I said, I’m ending this behavior before it can get out of hand. Killing it at the source. _ __   
“What… Do you me--” Rich felt his jaws tighten and lock. His heart rate started to appear in his ears again. A loud drumming as he could only watch as his body weaved through the dissipating crowd.    
_ How long were we down there… How many people are in the house. _ __   
_ SQUIP: Enough to see you burn. _ __   
Rich’s body went to the living room, pushing passed anybody that was there. Removing the fire retainer. He grabbed a box of matches, a lighter, and a pile of old newspaper sat in a cardboard box. Ready to be burned for any occasion.    
_ What are you doing… _ __   
Rich’s body moved; started to ball up the newspaper and stick it in the fire.   
“Rich, what are you doing?” Someone asked, kneeling down next to him. “If you’re trying to be more in character, I don’t think Jason set any fires. Plus, with your outfit, you look more like a bread seller then--” Rich pushed the teen away, getting up and taking long strides to the kitchen. His body moved quickly. Grabbing the large bottles of tequila and rum.   
_ What are you doing! _ __   
His body returned to the stocked fireplace. He uncapped the bottles and poured it all on the fire.   
Jake appeared from the basement, just as Rich started to pour the alcohol on himself. Taking the lighter in his hand.   
The scene could have been beautiful. A large bonfire to celebrate the holiday. As the lighter was dropped into the fire, as it exploded from the added drinks, Rich heard screams.   
_ STOP!! _ __   
_ SQUIP: You’re disgusting!! Why should I stop when you’re so vile, these thoughts aren’t allowed. _ __   
_ SQUIP: Ever. _ __   
Rich watched as his body--dripping with alcohol--stepped into the fire.    
_ “FUCK!! HOLY FUCK!!”  _ He gained control as smoke consumed him. “ _ Get it out!!! Get it out of me!!”   _ He shouted to the crowd, they were all running to the door. The flames covered his whole body.    
There was nothing beautiful about the scene.    
His burning vision landed on Jake. He was frozen as the heat danced across Rich’s eyes. “Jake?!!” He screamed. Rich couldn’t even hear his own voice.    
_ Am I even talking? Is this even real?  _   
He tried to move toward the taller teen, but Jake ran back down to the basement, coming back up with two people then running out the door.  _ “Get it out of me!!! Please someone get this out of me!! _ ” Rich screamed one last time as the fire spread. The room was empty. The house was empty. The room was on fire. The house was going to set fire.   
He coughed, unable to breath as the toxic air suffocated him.   
_ SQUIP: You can’t do anything to stop this Rich! This was your own fault!  _ __   
_ SQUIP: You could have listened better and not had these feelings. You could have buried them all.  _ __   
_ SQUIP: But you didn’t. You let them fester, you let them grow. And now you’ll pay.  _ __   
_ SQUIP: Like every other Squip-user who thought they could live with the Squip and also these feelings. _ __   
Rich crumbled to the floor. His vision was fire.    
__ SQUIP: You can’t live with these feelings AND a Squip.

_ SQUIP: I just wanted you to be the best you could be… _ __   
_ SQUIP: Now look at what you made me do. _ __   
  


_***_ _  
_A robotic siren shouted every second. Darkness. Footsteps. Movement. The siren steadily quieting down.  
 _Beep. Beep. Beep._  
Open eyes. Color. White and tiled green. Sun coming in the window. Cold. Unable to move. People in blue scrubs. Talking. Tugging at the tubes that were attached to something.  
 _Beep. Beep. Beep._ _  
_Close eyes.  
Open.  
Moonlight coming in the window.  
Close eyes.  
Open.  
Close.  
“Jake?” The voice shook the boy awake. He jolted as if he’d never heard it before.   
“Hey, Mom…” Jake’s mouth was dry, his voice soft and scratchy. “Hey, Dad…”  
His parents sat by him, on different sides of him. Each holding a hand.   
His father went and traced a thumb on his son’s cheek. Wiping away stale tears.  
 _Was I crying?_ _  
_His mother pressed a plastic cup of water to his lips, tilting it slowly so he could drink. It tasted like honey. “What...What happened?” Jake asked, everything he did felt slow. The slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, the slow motion of his eyes blinking.  
His parents exchanged a look, a knowing nod, and explained the events of the weekend. _  
_It was currently Monday.  
There was a fire; everyone got out alright; Jake went back in to help Rich.  
The numb feeling from his knees down made the whole situation feel real.   
“You’re going to be out of school for a bit, and you’re going to need to be on crutches or a wheelchair.” His mother squeezed his hand. “But we’re just _so happy_ you’re safe.  
“Where’s Rich?”  
“Wha-what?”  
“Rich.” Jake repeated. “He was the one that started the fire, he was screaming for help when it happened, he _needed_ me.” Faint memories of the minutes before the fire surfaced.   
The quiet miniature art gallery.  
Rich’s awkward flirting.  
Jake helplessly falling for it.  
“Is he okay?” Jake asked. “Where is he?”  
His parents were silent for a moment, processing his worried tone of voice. “He-He’s in intensive care.” His mother’s hand didn’t leave his. “He has third degree burns. That’s all we were able to find out.”   
Jake swallowed, taking in the room around him. There was a part of him that was willing to open up about the party, about what he did. “Hey, can I talk to you guys about something…” He started.   
_Do perfect people have to have everything solved? Did sculptors design their pieces like that because they wished to be like that? Was it alright to kiss another boy?_ __Are you mad at me for having the party, and having it get out of hand?  
The questions kept coming, and Jake kept quiet. Pushing it all down, he said, “So, how long am I gonna be out of commission? Like, am I gonna get walking therapy or something?”   
He laughed to hide the tightness in his chest.  



	14. Pitiful Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confrontation. A deal. A realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is.

The car was parked outside the house, Jeremy hopped out of the drivers side and took his backpack with him. The keys jingled in his hand as he stuffed them into his pocket.    
_ SQUIP: You’re getting a lot better at driving recently. I’m proud of you. _ _   
_ _ Thanks. _ _   
_ Jeremy stepped on the small landing and knocked at the front door of Rich’s house.    
_ SQUIP: Why did you agree to deliver Rich’s homework, again? _ _   
_ _ Cause it’s a nice gesture. Plus, he lives close… And I can just drive here now. _ _   
_ Jeremy took a breath as he heard footsteps from inside the house. As the doorknob rattled open, he shivered at the mid-November air and gave Paige a smile.    
“Hey, is your big brother here?” Jeremy asked, kneeling to her height.   
“Hold on…” She turned away from him and ran a bit to the stairs. “Richy, the pretty boy is here!”   
__ SQUIP: Jeremy…

A shock.   
_ SQUIP: I’ve known you for months, and you still haven’t gotten it through your head that those thoughts are bad. _ _   
_ _ Why should I be annoyed that she thinks I’m pretty! _ _   
_ A greater shock.   
_ SQUIP: Men aren’t pretty. You aren’t pretty. _ __   
The burning sensation dissolved into a tingling numbness. Jeremy’s smile disappeared as Rich came down the stairs.

They exchanged a look. Rich was wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts. His medical leave was over, and now he was entering his school suspension. Bandages were wrapped around his arms and parts of his legs. The teenager could see red, leathery patches of skin peeking out of the white gauze. Rich’s left eyebrow had a stitch in it. Only visible from the the clear cut of the skin.  “You look like a mummy.” Jeremy stated, this was the first time he’d seen Rich since the party.  
“I am a mummy.” Rich replied and gestured for Jeremy to follow him down to the basement.   
_SQUIP: Jeremy, you’ve been very good since the party. I’m proud of you._ _  
_ _Uh… Thanks? Weren’t you mad at me a second ago?_ _  
_Jeremy started toward the basement. In truth, he forgot a lot of the party--only recalling bits and pieces. If he tried hard enough, he could vaguely recall Michael being there.  
 _SQUIP: It’s because you are still a major work in progress. I get mad at you because I care about how you act. I’m trying to improve your life._ _  
_The train of hazy thoughts stopped there.  
“Hey, so, can you turn off your Squip.” Rich started as Jeremy stepped onto the cold floor.  
 _SQUIP: Was that a demand? Tell him no._ _  
_“Why?” Jeremy asked, he slipped his backpack off his shoulder.  
Rich exhaled and pursed his lips. His brown eyes shifted to the posters that were surrounding them. “I gotta tell you something, and it’s not gonna like it.” He shrugged. “It’s about the party… and other stuff.”  
 _SQUIP: No. I’m not turning off._ _  
_“It--It says--”  
“--It’s not gonna turn off.” Rich read Jeremy’s mind, and in turn, the Squip. “Yeah. It’s ‘cause it’s scared at what I’m gonna tell you.” Rich sighed again. “If it’s too childish to have this conversation then I can wait.” The burned boy gave his hand out, palm covered in gauze.   
“Are you sure?” Jeremy questioned as he started to undo his bag and take out the homework.  
“I mean,” Rich started.  
_SQUIP: He’s calling me pathetic, when he’s the one that set himself on fire because he couldn’t handle the Squip. That’s pathetic._ _  
_ _Shut up!_ _  
_A shock. Jeremy winced, as Rich grabbed the papers from him. “It’s kinda clear that you’re gonna depend on it so much… I guess, I just thought I could get it through your head.” Rich’s voice was quiet. The last part reminded Jeremy of someone, or something that someone said. The teen rubbed his eyes for a moment.  
 _SQUIP: Jeremy, stop thinking so hard._ _  
_“Can you just tell me?” Jeremy blurted out, then jumped and gripped the couch cushion as a more violent shock passed through.  
 _SQUIP: Let’s go home, Jeremy._ __  
“Please, Rich… Just tell me what’s going on.” Jeremy bit his lip. He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. His heartbeat was ringing in his ears. Rich just looked at him, a sad expression on his burned face.  
“I can’t, dude. Not...When you’re like this.” He stuffed his bandaged hands in his pocket as Jeremy felt his own body move and grab his bag. The Squipped teen wiped the tears away and started to climb the staircase, he didn’t hear Rich behind him. 

“What people are saying about the party is true, by the way.”  
Jeremy stopped at the door and looked down at Rich. “You really started that fire?”  
Rich laughed, “Yeah. But do you know what I did before it?”  
Jeremy shook his head, wincing more as shocks were applied. Rich spoke, but what Jeremy heard was heavily distorted. Censored from the teen as he left the house and drove home.  
The ride home and walk to Jeremy’s room was nothing but static. Headaches started to surface as he climbed his stairs, the scratching against his skull combined with the room spinning.  
“I feel…” Jeremy breathed. “So sick…” He waited to hear the Squip’s response as he staggered to his room, kicking his door closed and falling against the back of it. The room continued to spin and pain radiated off the teenager’s body.  
 _What are you doing to me now?_  
A knock at the door and a rattle of the doorknob. “Jeremy? Are you alright?”  
“Yeah. Just, really stressed.” Jeremy clenched his stomach.   
_What are you doing to me!_  
 _SQUIP: You keep trying to dig into things that you shouldn’t._ _  
_“Are you sure?” His dad rattled at the door knob again.  
“Yeah! D-don’t worry. It’s just stress.” Jeremy shouted, his hands gripped the door shut till he heard his father sigh, defeated, and leave.  
As Jeremy steadied his breath, he felt shocks pass through him then saw the distorted grey figure of his Squip appear at his feet.   
“It’s a pity, really.” It said, Jeremy heard it’s footsteps as it walked on the wooden floor. Jeremy looked up.   
“What is?” The teen questioned, standing up on shaky legs.  
The Squip laughed. “Your progress. You were doing so good, and now you’re just acting on your own, and I’m just trying to stop any bad behaviors from continuing.” The humanoid computer walked over to the bags of clothes that were still in the room. It placed a distorting hand on them.  
The teen felt his legs move and he made his way over to the bags.   
_Don’t tou--_ _  
_“Don’t touch them?” The Squip spoke, reading his mind. Their blue eyes met. Cold and controlling, met scared and angry. “Why would I want to touch something so disgusting for a man to wear.”  
“Stop calling th--Ah!” A simple raise of the Squips hand had the teen on his knees, body locked and holding in his screams of pain as electricity blasted through him.   
“Listen Jeremy,” The Squip started, it got down to Jeremy’s level, kneeling on one knee and taking Jeremy’s chin in it’s grey distorting hands. Light blue vein lines went through it’s arms. “How about I give you a deal…”  
Jeremy felt his jaw release. “What would that be?”  
The computer laughed. “Well, think of it as a last stitch effort. Or in terms that you’ll understand, a cheat code.”   
The feeling of pins and needles spread through the teenagers body. He was quiet.   
The Squip raised an eyebrow. “What do you say?” It removed his hand from Jeremy’s chin and stood up. Taking a step back, it extended a hand to Jeremy.   
“What’s in it for me?”   
Another laugh. “Well, it’s sure fire to work. In exchange you’ll get the life that you want to live.” The Squip distorted completely, then came back a completely different person. Rosy white skin, blonde hair, a yellow sweater. _Brooke._ “The life you dream of having.” It was her voice, but her eyes were the same cold blue of the drug. “You get everything you want, Jeremy!” She laughed, the voice distorted into a smaller person. Black hair, light brown skin. “You can get the girl!” Christine said, walking to Jeremy and giving him a smile.  
 _Stop._ _  
_“All you have to do--” Another change. In came Chloe. “Is tell everyone about the Squip.”  
“What--”  
A taller figure. Jake. “Just tell _everyone_ about the Squip.”  
“How could that help--Change back to your nor-” Jeremy found himself backing away from the computer. Rich appeared, then quickly changed to Jenna.  
“You’ve always been a _loser_ , Jeremy.” She spoke. Jeremy backed against the door. His head was pulsating. The image kept changing, voices kept changing, but the cold blue eyes were still the same. “But now, with the Squip, you’re able to be cool! All you have to do is get everyone on your level!”  
Brooke reached out and touched him. “Remember how you used to be before getting one?” Tracing a hand over his cheek. She wiped a tear that was rolling off his cheek. _When did I start crying…_ “Then you upgraded.” She gave him the same smile he enjoyed seeing. “Imagine what we’d be like with the Squip.”  
“What… No, I couldn’t…” Jeremy couldn’t find words as Jake appeared.   
“I bet things would be a lot better with us Squipped.”  
“But I don’t want you all to--” Jeremy shut his eyes to stop seeing the apparitions of the people he knew. _They aren’t real. They aren’t real!_  
 _“Jeremy.”_   
The familiar voice was his downfall. Jeremy opened his eyes and saw the familiar red hood and white headphones of Michael.   
“Mich--”  
“Think of all the fun we could have together again. We could be friends again, you and I.” The fake Michael shook Jeremy’s shoulders gently. Slowly moving his hands to Jeremy’s.   
Jeremy met the same cold blue eyes of the Squip. It’s grey appearance distorted through. “Just let me take control of you one last time. I’ll make everything better.”  
Their hands were locked in a firm grip.   
“If-If I do this… Can you give me a--some time to just be by myself.” Jeremy looked at the clock in his room. It was a little passed five. “Give me… an hour. Then you can-then you can do whatever you want.”  
“You make it seem like what I’m going to do is bad. I’m just going to allow every one of your peers to upgrade. I _promise_ you, _Jeremy._ The next time I give you control. You’ll get everything you want.”  
“Great.”  
They shook. And as their hands fell, Jeremy felt a quick shock then watched as his vision cleared.   
_An hour._ He went to the door and swung it open, ready to run out.   
Running right into his father.   
“Hey, Private!” His dad lifted the tray so the hot chocolate wouldn’t spill. “I thought you’d still be not feeling well… so I, uh, I thought I’d make you something nice to drink.”  
“Oh. Uh…” Jeremy started. He was bouncing on his heels, side stepping away from his dad down the stairs. “Thanks, but no than--”  
“Where are you going?” His father asked.  
“Dad, I really don’t hav--”  
His father rolled his eyes as he got to the stairs “Don’t have time? Yeah, well, I noticed. You’re never around the house! You’ve been taking the car to who knows where. You-you don’t answer when I call or text you.” His father said. When he moved down a step, Jeremy moved down one.  
“I’ve been busy!”  
“With what?”  
“The play!” Jeremy answered. “I’ve-I joined, and it’s soon…I’ve been busy trying to get everything ready.”  
His father’s concern melted a bit. A smile. “The play? I-I didn’t know you liked theatre.”  
Jeremy tried to laugh. “Neither did I…”  
“Well… I’m happy for you, son.” His father paused. “Just, don’t overwork yourself, okay?”  
“I won’t.” Jeremy lied as he got to the foyer. He didn’t look back as he opened the door and exited the house.  
  
***  
  
“C’mon… C’mon….” Jeremy banged on the door again. “I have forty minutes…” He muttered, he stopped his pacing as the door opened.   
“What?” Rich seemed annoyed at Jeremy’s presence. “You here to waste time, again? Cause I don’t want to talk to you--  
In his own haist, Jeremy cut the burned boy off. “You don’t want to talk to me if I’m Squipped!! I know! Holy _fuck_ \---” Jeremy gripped the handle of the porch as he felt himself reeling. Everything was spinning. He expected to be shocked for his outburst.  
 _How did I drive myself here?!_  
“Dude, you cool?” Rich asked, arching an eyebrow.  
“I turned the Squip off.” Jeremy blurted. “I turned it off for an hour, and in this hour you have to tell me how to __get it out!” Jeremy rose back up and gripped Rich’s exposed shoulder.  
Rich didn’t ask how or why, he simply moved forward and allowed the taller teen to step in.   
They headed to the basement. **  
  
**

Jeremy tried to gather himself as he sat down. Trying to assemble a normal phrase of conversation. Trying to unscramble his brain, and stop his heart from ringing in his ears. “I just wanted to talk to you, since you haven’t--no one has seen you since...Well since the accident.” Jeremy started. “Sorry, I know I just said that I need you to tell me how to get the Squip out, but I also just need to center myself and not have a panic attack.”  He saw that Rich’s burn marks went across his face and arms. Rich nodded slowly, he stood across from Jeremy.  
“Yeah, starting a fire and getting burned alive can do that to people.” Rich scoffed. His shoulders sagged as he spoke, but he melted into the casual conversation.  
“How are you doing?” Jeremy stopped himself from asking the more direct question: _Why did you do it?_ _  
_“Great!” Rich lied. “It feels fantastic knowing that a supercomputer tried to kill me, all because I kissed a guy--”  
“Oh, so that’s true?” Jeremy blurted. Watching as Rich glared at him. The burned boy wasn’t in the mood to make light of the situation.  
“You’re Squip is seriously fucked up, dude.” Rich continued. “Michael has been worrying about you like crazy.” He said the last part so casually, it almost sounded fake.  
“He--He has?” Nonetheless, Jeremy felt the small smile on his lips. The two locked eyes.  
“Dude, he has a journal dedicated to trying to figure out how the Squip works, and how to get it out of you. You’re a fucking moron if you think he’d just abandon you!”  
Jeremy recalled the hazy memories of the bathroom. Michael’s arm around his shoulder.  
Jeremy hugged his backpack a bit tighter. He felt a light blush on his face.  
Rich took note of it. “He figured out how, btw--Or at least, he figured out one way.”  
“Is that why the Squip tried to kill you? Other then, uh, you kissing Jake…”  
“Kinda.” Rich rubbed the back of his neck. His burned skin looked pink and leathery. “Plus, I kinda like the goofy smiles you two both have when the other is brought up.” A small grin on the burned boys lips.  
“What?” Jeremy sat up, alert. He was waiting for shocks to come. But they never did.  
“I probs shouldn’t have said that…” Rich remedied.    
“So, what does this h-have to do with me? Do you and Jake, like, does that have to do with how to get the Squip out?”  
Rich started to pick at the adhesive tape on his arms. “Why do you think it did that? Like, why do you think it went so far to stop me from kissing him? Why do you think it goes so far to block Michael from you?”  
The taller teen recalled the mall, the fake memories that were planted in his head to make it seem like Michael left that afternoon. The distortion in his vision. “It said that, it doesn’t want me hanging out with people it considers losers.” Jeremy muttered, “that still doesn’t make sense cause Jake--”  
“I need you to stop thinking about me and Jake, okay? I appreciate the thoughts and well wishes, but I _need_ you to focus on yourself and Pho--Michael right now.” Rich couldn’t hide the smile he had. _Why would the Squip stop him from being happy?_ “Think about what the Squip would shock you for the most… Like, what ticked it off so much, that it took control of your body… And in my case, tried to kill me.”  
Jeremy sat back, he took a deep breath. Closing his eyes he tried to visualize everything. Bringing up hazy memories, and phantom pain from shocks. Trying to place the pieces together. “The Squip tried to kill you… Because you like Jake…” He muttered. _That I know. That I can understand. So, why hate Michael? What was so bad about Michael, that the Squip was willing to do everything it did to make sure I stayed away from him._ _  
_The memories came together like film, replaying scene for scene. A Squipped version, with Michael not there, and the original. Michael being present.  
At the mall.  
At play rehearsal.  
At the party.  
At Jeremy’s house, before everything went to shit. Playing video games, enjoying each other’s company. Michael’s arm around Jeremy. Jeremy leaning into his shoulder.  
It made Jeremy smile.   
“Have you put it together yet, Tall-ass?” Rich spoke. “It’s kinda weird watching you meditate.”  
 _It’s Michael._ Jeremy opened his eyes and couldn’t find the words. They were caught in his throat. The familiar comfort of being in his arms, his genuine smile when they were together. Being with Michael made everything disappear. Jeremy could be himself around Michael.   
“Don’t make me say it for you.” Rich laughed. He sighed when the teen stayed quiet. “Try to speak!”  
 _Because..._ “The Squip didn’t want me to associate with Michael… Because Michael lik--” _No. Say what it really is._ “--Because he loved me.”  
Rich nodded along. “ _And?_ ” He waved his hand, waiting for Jeremy to continue.   
“And what?” Jeremy stared at Rich, his head was a mess of boiling thoughts, phantom pains, and above all, Michael.  
“Shit dude, did the Squip bury the thought that deep for you?!” Rich continued to pick at the tape.   
“What are you talking about?” Jeremy rattled his brain for more moments. Finding nothing, feeling the familiar blush rise on his face.  
“ _You’re in love with Michael!”_ Rich shouted.  
The phantom pains of electricity sprung through Jeremy at that moment. Even with the Squip off, he could hear it’s voice berating him.   
Telling him that he’s disgusting for having these thoughts.  
Telling him that he should die because he has these thoughts.  
“I… I can’t--” Jeremy mumbled.   
“The _second_ you turn the Squip off, you go to Michael! You pleaded with the Squip when it took control of you and left the party! You’ve instinctively done everything with Michael in mind, the Squip--That stupid computer just blocked out that last part.” Rich shouted. He watched as the taller teen started to sob. “Jer--”  
“Sorry…” Jeremy hugged his bag, biting down on his lip. Hearing the cold tone of the voice in his head, and feeling the hot shocks go through his body. “Sorry…” He repeated.  
“Don’t apologize…”  
“No, this is my fault… I fucked everything up…”  
“You didn’t…”  
“It said that these feelings shouldn’t exist! Th-that I should be dead if I have them, that they’re sick and disgusting!” Jeremy rambled. His hands gripped his backpack, the knuckles of his hands turned white. _I’m disgusting for having them in the first place!_  
“They’re not.”  
“I know!” Jeremy wiped at his tears. “I know they’re not… But--But I ruined everything now. Cause Michael--He probably ha-hates me for what I--The Squip said to him.”   
“He doesn’t hate you.” Rich went over to Jeremy and sat near him, on the floor. He hesitated extending an arm to him. His burned hand simply wrapped around the teens jeans as tears spilled out. “He loves you.”  
“I know…” Jeremy’s lips quivered as he spoke.  
“That’s step two of getting the Squip out. Step one is accepting these feelings.” Rich tried his best to soothe the crying teenager.  
Jeremy could only nod.   
“He loves you.” Rich repeated.   
“How though?” Jeremy let out a shaky breath. “He’s gay… He likes guys. That’s not a secret between us. How can he l-like me… When I don’t even _know_ if _I’m_ a guy.” The tears stopped, Jeremy took short breaths. Rich looked at him, confused.  
“What do you me--”  
“The Squip, it--It controls what I wear… The volts are stronger when I try to dress how I want to.” Jeremy sniffled. “You’ve seen me… I get _so_ _happy_ when your sister calls me pretty. I shop--er, _shopped_ in the women's department. I like feminine things. Why would--How would Michael like me, when I’m the complete opposite of what guys are supposed to be…”  
“‘Cause,” Rich started, his voice was quiet. “I think he likes _you_ more than any label can describe. Th-that’s the same for Jake and me… We--Jake, he has to figure himself out, but he told me that he really likes me so…” The burned boy got up, and took a breath. He went over and grabbed a tissue box from a shelf. He put it next to Jeremy. “You just gotta… give things time, and be there for one another.”  
Jeremy took a few and and blew his nose. His mind was slowing down to a normal speed. “I’ve been really bad at that last part. Michael’s been there for me, and I’ve just… Been fucking ignoring him.”  
Rich stayed quiet. He returned to his sitting position on the floor, curling into a ball so Jeremy could have room to breath.   
“What…” Jeremy started. “What did you and Jake, like, decide. Like, how did you get the Squip out?”  
Rich smiled a bit.   
_At least something good came out of the party._  
“When he was going through physical therapy, he passed by my room. He-He visited me. A lot. I was hooked up to like, some morphine or something. Either way, it would shoot through my body when I’d be in a hell of a lot of pain. He just, kind of sat there. We’d talk, but it hurt to talk.” Rich explained, Jeremy noticed for the first time that he had a dusting of freckles on his exposed, non-burned skin.   
“So, it hurt to talk, and it hurt Jake to walk?” Jeremy snickered.  
Rich laughed as well.    
“Yeah, and like--” Rich hesitated. He rubbed the back of his neck. “--So, this is gonna sound corny, but like because we were both in awful headspaces, we’d kinda just--  
“Casual hospital make out?”   
“NO! God, no…  That’s not possible because it feels like you’re constantly getting checked on. _._ Nah, nah, he’d just come up to my bed and he’d just lay there with me…”  
Jeremy smiled. He rubbed his eyes of any stray tears.   
_That’s really nice._  
“Eventually, like, the staff noticed. They were super, like, _super_ supportive. I think they were all like college interns too--Cause I really doubt old people doctors are like,” Rich cleared his throat and did the best old man voice he could muster. Accompanied by trying to mimic an old person with a cane. “Look at these blossoming young men! Back in my day, this never happened! Millennials aren’t just killing body soap, they’re also killing _me!_ Because of how open they are to feelings.”  
Jeremy laughed again. Rich had a nice sense of humor.   
“Jake said, he came in one day, early on when I was still in a state of recovery and I was passed out from painkillers. He said I was talking to myself. Apologizing for everything, for the fire, for kissing him, and to my Squip---I woke up a while later, and like--Ya’ know in stories, like super cheesey romance shit, a character wakes up and _boom_ the love of their life is standing right there, and they just say the first thing on their mind?”  
“That’s really specific, but yeah, i guess. What did you say?”  
“‘Hey beautiful.’”  
Jeremy lost it there, they both did. Crying seemed so far away now. “Did he say anything back?” The teen asked through his giggles.  
“‘Hey handsome.’” Through the dusting of freckles, burned skin and bandages, Jeremy saw a light blush on Rich’s face. “Shit was the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”  
“So, how did--how did all this lead to you getting the Squip out?” Jeremy reinforced the question, even he forgot if he asked it.  
“Right, sorry.” Rich calmed down. “Along with these amazing cuddle sesh’s, we did--we kissed a bit! And one night, when Jake went back to his room, a nurse came in and asked how I was doing. Then he asked, like, why--Like, I’m recovering from third degree-burns, why squeeze in time for Jake?” Rich took a breath, and looked at the teen sitting on the couch. “I said that I want people to get to know the _real_ Richard Goranski--and that I want girls to like everything about me… And guys.”  
 _Liking everything about someone._ Jeremy couldn’t help his wandering mind as it went to Michael. What resurfaced were the brief conversations before the Squip would electrocute him. It never gave a clear answer for hating Michael. __Did it hate Michael for liking me? Or did it hate me for liking him?

“After I said that,” The burned boy broke Jeremy from his own thoughts. “I had this mad coughing fit later at night. I could tell it was Squip-related because the light kept flickering as I coughed harder and harder, the pressure on my body felt crazy, my heart was going nuts. I’m surprised the sudden change didn’t notify a doctor or something… But I coughed it up, hacked it out. It was… really gross now that I’m thinking about it.”    
“What’d you do with it after words?”   
“I smashed it once I was discharged.” Rich got up and stretched. He noted the time, they both did. “It’s funny, I took the Squip because I wanted people to like me. Even with my suspension right now, I finally feel like people care about me. Or at least, I know that people enjoy my company.”

_ Twenty minutes.  _ “Are you gonna see the play?”   
“Can’t be on school grounds. It’s next week, it’s like, tech week or something, right?”   
“Yeah…”   
_ Nineteen. _

“My sister got me a big bunch of flowers when i was in the hospital. I was gonna give them to Jake after the first show… Guess I’ll have to wait. Hopefully they won’t die by then.”   
_ Hopefully I won’t die by then.  _ The two climbed the stairs, Rich leading and opening the front door when they reached it.    
“I’m rooting for you, by the way.” He voiced. “Be careful. Don’t start any fires.”   
Jeremy gave him a smile as anxiety boiled in his chest. “I won’t.”   
  


***  
  
The bathroom door was locked and Jeremy stood at the sink, trying to take calming deep breaths. He nails gripped into the base of the sink as a powerful vault went through his body, he crumbled to the floor and felt his consciousness sink. It felt like diving into a pool, an eerie quiet.  
“Thank you for doing this, Jeremy. It means so much to me.” The Squip said. The two stood in a dark world. The Squip’s blue eyes seemed to glow. “When you gain control again, I can _promise_ that everyone will like you.”  
“Great.” Jeremy said, and watched the Squip disappear.  
Muffled knocking could be heard from the door in the bathroom. A muffled father asking if everything was okay. Jeremy instinctively wanted to say something, to lie, but the body on the floor started to rise. The Squip got accustomed to the teens body. Blue veins were protruding from his eyes.  
 _Hey, can people see that?_ _  
_ _SQUIP: No. Only you. They’ve always been there, you’ve just never looked in a mirror when I take control._ _  
_The Squip unlocked the door and looked at his father. “Everything’s fine, I just tripped.”  
“Are you sure?”  
 _SQUIP: You’re parental unit likes military settings, correct?_ _  
_ _Sure, I guess._ _  
_“Yes, sir. Positive sir.” The Squip spoke. Jeremy’s father showed a quick smile, but it vanished.  
“Don’t lie to me, son.” His father grabbed Jeremy’s shoulder and shook them. “You can talk to me, about anything. You know that, right? I want to be there for you. I want to know what’s going on in your life… Can’t we just sit down and and talk about what you're doing? Y-you come home at odd hours, I didn’t even know you had your license… I-I didn’t even know you were in the play...”  
It hurt Jeremy to hear that. A pain from guilt. _I’ve been ignoring him too._  
“You won’t believe me if I tell you the truth.” The Squip voiced, crossing Jeremy’s arms.  
“I can try.” A sad smile on his father’s lips.  
The guilt grew. _I never drove the car because I wanted to believe he would go to work… I got my license in the summer, just never told him. Got around by bus or by walking._ _  
_“I took a supercomputer shaped drug and it tells me how to act. It’s been making me cooler.” The Squip, for once, told the truth.  
A silence. Jeremy’s father dropped his hands and looked down at the cold version of his child. “So, you’re not going to take me serious--”  
“Why should I take you seriously!?” The Squip shouted. “You walk around the house in your underwear all day, because you’re just waiting for Mom to come back and take care of you! She left because you kept being a lazy, good for nothing father!”   
The Squip moved passed the father and went toward Jeremy’s room, running in and grabbing his backpack and the car keys that lay on his desk.   
“I-I can ground you!” His father shouted at the Squipped teen.   
The squip laughed. “That’d be a first. I don’t think you could.” He walked down the stairs and headed to the door. “Don’t wait up.”  
He opened the door and walked out.  
 _Why did you do that?_ _  
_ _SQUIP: It had to be said._ _  
_ _You could have said it a lot better then that!_ _  
_ _SQUIP: It needed to be said._ _  
_ **  
********* **  
** **  
**The prolonged effect of not being in control of his own body made Jeremy tired. Everything looked fuzzy and almost like tunnel vision. The occasional bumps on the road, and cold air that was blasting from the car's AC didn’t help much.  
“You can fall asleep, Jeremy. You don’t have to be awake right now.” The Squip spoke. Jeremy could see the blue veins under his eyes from the rear-view mirror.   
_Weren’t you the one that said not to talk to myself?_ _  
_The Squip’s laugh was deep. “Yes, I did say that. _But,_ the least I could do is not punish you. You’ve done enough for me.”   
_I’ve been meaning to ask… How are you going to tell everyone about the Squip?_ _  
_The car pulled into the school parking lot and with a quick turn of Jeremy’s wrist it was off. Keys jingling as they were stuffed in his jeans. “Oh, trust me, it will be easier than you think.”  
 _Okay…_  
The Squip walked through the main doors and headed to the lockers. Jeremy’s body stopped when it reached one locker in particular. Wrapping paper that displayed campfires and roasting marshmallows was put on it. In big black letters it read: GET WELL SOON, RICH   
_Rich’s locker? Why?_ _  
_The Squip started to turn the dial and in a quick motion opened the locker.  
 _Hey! Hey hey hey! No. I’m not vandalising Rich’s thi--_ _  
_The Squip pulled out a grey shoebox and opened it. “Oh hush. It’s fine. He wasn’t going to use these. Richard was smart though, trying to start an underground business to get money to help with his home life.” In seven neat little bags, the same grey oblong pill.  
 _What are you going to do with those?_ _  
_The Squip closed the locker and started to make his way to the auditorium.  
“Stop worrying, Jeremy.” The Squip’s voice spoke as he opened the doors. Jeremy got a glimpse at the stage before his vision went dark.  
 _Squi-- “Squip!!”_ Jeremy saw nothing. He could hear slurred speech. “D-did you just block me from my own body?!” __  
The teen tried to gather himself in the darkness of his mind. He felt like he was floating, like he’d be stuck like this.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy Heere is trans-feminine. I'm really happy to finally be able to say that. I'm really happy that this chapter turned out so well, exactly like how I pictured it would.   
> Jeremy's pronouns are he/him, he still has to figure that out. And it's high school, he has time...  
> Thank you, again, to Popurikat. You're commentary of the chapter made me even more excited.  
> Thank you to my friend Grayson, who's kindness and jokes have helped me stay a float in this thing called college.
> 
> I have a lot more to say, but that's for later.   
> Thank you all, for reading this project. It means the world to me that people are interested in what I have to say.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.  
> \--SKQuill


	15. The Pants Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Heere tries to figure out what's going on with Jeremy, by going to the person that knows Jeremy more then his own father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe this is almost over. Also I forgot this was a song…   
> Translations of Michael and his mothers conversation at the end notes.  
> This was a heck of a hill to climb.

The father stood at the top of the creaky stairs; he heard the car burst to life and roll out of the driveway. There was quiet in the house.

_ What kind of father am I? _

Mr. Heere moved from the stairs and walked down the hall. He stopped at Jeremy’s room. The door was ajar, he could see the faint outlines of his sons room with the evening light streaming in. Jeremy never liked his dad coming into his room. The door was always closed as if he was trying to hide something.

_ Or maybe he was trying to forget about me.  _ The father placed a hand on the doorknob, and pushed the door open. It creaked on its hinges, light from the hall poured in and uncovered more of the room. Mr. Heere didn’t step into the room; his shadow casted into it, mixing with the darkness that still hung on the walls and floor. The shadows made the blue room look old, scared, and hurt.

“Come on, Greg.” The father spoke up. It was a demand to step away from the room--and he did. “Be better than this.” He walked into his own room. Through the mess of an unmade bed and dirty clothes covering the floor, he opened up his drawers and rummaged through old slacks that he never wore anymore. None of them were his size anymore. 

_ Jeremy’s embarrassed about having me as a father, and I’m embarrassed about myself.  _

He took a breath and shut the drawer. Grimacing at the sudden realization in his gut. “Okay…Things are okay.” He reassured himself, heading back into the hall, reaching his son’s bedroom. “Jeremy could need my help. I have to be there for him, even if I’m uncomfortable.” He walked into the room and flashed on the lights.

A smile appeared on his lips as he noticed how the room was the complete opposite of his own. Neat and orderly, covered in posters and small trinkets that Jeremy liked. His sweep of the room started with Jeremy’s bed; it was freshly made, as if there was no sign of Jeremy sleeping in it. Faint and recent, memories crawled into the father’s mind. Late at night he’d walk passed his son’s room and hear him screaming as if trapped in a nightmare. He’d open the door a crack and see that he was only sleep talking. But it still hurt to hear what he was uttering in his unconscious state. 

Mr. Heere made his way over to the television that was there. It wasn’t plugged into any cable network; instead it was surrounded by game boxes, a videogame console, and two controllers. There wasn’t a layer of dust on anything. 

The guilt melted into a warm pride. 

_ He’s better than I am. _

 

Jeremy’s father turned from the television, his gaze went to the closet. Like the bedroom door, it was also open. Shirts hung up on the hollowed out inside of the space. Propping the door open was several white garbage bags. “Wha…” The father squinted at the bags, walking closer to them and peering into them. 

_ Was he cleaning and forgot to throw these out? _ _   
_ The father pulled one bag closer to him, undoing the knot and loosening the bag to get a better look at the contents. He pulled out the first item and held it into the light.

It had white cashmere fur lined on the inside, a brown base color that went into a stormy grey for the pockets. It seemed to mold to a certain body shape. The father peered at the tag; It was a woman’s size medium and seemed to have been recently bought for the sudden cold weather. Mr. Heere put the coat to the side and rummaged through the remaining contents of the bags, they all had a similar tag. The father got up from the floor, stuffing the clothes back into their bags. He ran his hands through his balding scalp, recalling his son’s attitude and isolation. He noted how the room seemed to spin as he breathed.   
_ Was I not good enough for him? _

The thought rattled around his brain.    
_ Was I ever good enough for him?  _ _   
_ “Did he just not feel like he got enough attention? He had to go to these extremes?” Mr. Heere turned away from the clothes and to the television. “Was he playing too many games?”

_ What was I doing to cause him to hide his life? _

The father took another breath, rubbing his eyes as he tried to get a grip with the world around him.    
_ He hid from me out of embarrassment. He lied to me because he didn’t want me to worry… _

The father couldn’t help but smile as he returned back to the bags of clothes. “I’d do the same thing too, son.” He started to take out the clothes and hang them up.    
_ Maybe we can start fresh… Maybe we both just have to take baby steps to find an even ground. _

The father paused with a white and blue striped tee shirt in his hand. 

“I don’t know where to start with all this… Why can’t he just talk to me, why did he have to hide away like this?” The thoughts resurfaced and the worry returned.    
_ What if he’s in trouble.  _

The father moved before he could register a plan. He left his child’s room, the shirt still in his hands as he headed down the stairs. Veering into the kitchen, sliding on his socks, he reached the fridge and looked through the important notes that were left on it in the past years. Family photos, small facts, shopping lists, family addresses.

He pulled the last one down. 

 

The father exited the house. in his hands a shirt that would never fit him, and an address that he never seemed to remember.   
  


***   
****  
  


 

Michael sat on the floor, hugging his knees as the heat from the oven radiated. The sound of a sewing machine veered in the background.    
“Honey, I still don’t understand why you want to add this patch on? I thought you were going to put it on after you told Jeremy that you liked him.” His mother spoke.    
“And I keep explaining,” Michael started, “I told him that I liked him, and he called me a slur.”   
“So are you adding this patch for yourself or for more people to call you that?” The mother retorted.

Michael opened his mouth to speak, but words didn’t come out.    
“Michael?” 

“I don’t know, okay? Is that the answer you want from me?” The boy got up from the floor and made his way over to his mother. She sat at the small kitchen table, the light poured over her and her work. The rainbow flag patch was half stitched on.

_ Is she deliberately going slow? _

“Sit down,  _ Mijo. _ ” She had a pair of reading glasses on as she worked. Michael sighed and joined her at the table. “What’s wrong?”   
Michael didn’t speak.

“You can say anything to me, even if you don’t have the answer yet, or even a clear thought of what to say. Make enough noise and you’ll create a language.”   
Michael took a breath. “It’s hard to explain, like, heh… I’m worried about Jeremy. But at the same time, I feel like I should hate him right now.”   
“Cause he called you a slur?”   
Michael stifled a small laugh. “No. That’s not… In the moment that hurt, but that’s--Jeremy didn’t mean that.” 

“Do you know why he said it to you in the first place? Other then, because you told him how you felt.”

Michael sunk a bit in his chair. He wished he had his hoodie right now. He wanted to hide in it. “He’s been…” He shifted his gaze to the floor to think, bringing it back when he could come up with something. “Hanging out with a different crowd.” 

The explanation rested on the shoulders of the two. His mother sat back in her chair, folding her arms. “Seems like a bad crowd if he thought that being mean to his closest friend was a way to make cooler friends.” Her voice had a calmness to it. A knowledge that Michael didn’t have quite yet, something that only came with growing up or being a parent .

“Yeah. This crowd, they’re bad. I don’t want him to get hurt.” Michael swallowed the notion of spilling about the drug; what it does to Jeremy, what it did to Rich. “I don’t want him to get hurt,  _ anymore. _ ” 

The boy expected his mother to straighten up, to prod at him about what he meant. But she didn’t, instead she pursed her lips. Her hands moved back to the sewing machine and the familiar sound of machinery meeting fabric continued. “What’s stopping you from helping Jeremy?”   
“The crowd he’s with.” Michael answered immediately.  _ The Squip.  _ “I tried getting close to him, tried to help him realize what was going on. I guess---I guess I just ran out of ideas. I don’t know what to do.” Michael brought his knees up, curling into a ball as he sat in the chair. 

“That’s not the Michael Mell I know.” His mother gave him a smile.    
The oven dinged, and Michael got up from his perched seat and went over to it. “What do you think I should do?” He talked over the loud racket of taking the baking pan off the oven rack. “Like, how can I get his attention now?” He placed the brownies on the stove to cool, moving around the kitchen to find toothpicks.    
“Make a big entrance. Like, slam open a door and shout something.”   
Michael’s chest tightened at the thought of everyone staring at him. He placed a toothpick into the brownies and pulled it out. Brownie bits stuck to it. It was still cooling. He heard his mother get up from her seat, the chair screeching against the floor. “Jeremy!” She shouted dramatically. “I have come to rescue you!” Michael didn’t have to turn around to see that she was using her arms as if reciting lines. “Come with me now, and we can run away together!” The son turned and leaned against the kitchen counter. He chuckled at the scene; his mother doing a one-man show. 

“Good plan.” Michael smiled. “Let me just, teleport to school now and whisk Jeremy away.”    
“It’s like the end of Grease.”   
“That musical movie with John Travolta? The one where they just fly off into the sunset and no one questions it?”   
His mother hesitated. “What’s the one where everyone dies? It’s in France…”   
“Le mis? Why--”   
“The cute revolutionary kid falls for the girl and they end up getting married.”   
_ Where is this leading?  _ “Okay…?” Michael went back to his brownies. Sticking in a new toothpick and seeing nothing stick to it. “This musical analogy is getting hard to grasp.” He turned back to his mother. “Cause you’re either saying that I should marry Jeremy, or change everything about myself so I can fit in with the crowd he’s with.”    
“Is that what Grease is about?”   
Michael couldn’t help but laugh at his mother’s hesitation. “Your logic is flawed--”   
“What if in this big analogy, Jeremy is the girl in les mis!” His mother cut him off with an excited raised voice and a wave of her hand.

“You… You were thinking of him as the girl?”   
“I mean, yeah.”   
They were silent.   
His mother continued. “Did--Did you think I didn’t notice how he dresses? Did you think I didn’t take note of the clothes he’d get when you two would get picked up from the mall?”   
Michael let out a small, “Ah…” 

Another silence. 

Michael moved, found a cake cutter, and started to cut at the brownies. “Thanks. Er, for clarifying that.” He muttered. “Jeremy… He would have really liked hearing that--that you saw him as a girl, or… that you saw him as feminine.”

“Is that a touchy subject for him?” His mother’s voice was quiet.   
“No!” Michael deflected, then reconsidered. “I mean… kind of. We thought that like, we could keep it on the down-low. But, I’m kinda relieved that you know. He’d love to hear that.”   
His mother went over to him and leaned against the counter this time. “Tell me the truth, what do you like about him?”   
Michael stopped cutting. The tightness in his chest returned. “Everything.” A smile came to his lips. His mother smiled as well. “Other than us having the same interests, he’s just--He doesn’t realize how funny or nice he is. He has this amazing drive to dive right into situations even if they make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t get stopped by his own anxiety or bad days. He’s just… He’s so much better than me at handling his problems. Sure, he has panic attacks and really bad hang ups but I still… I still love that about him.”

He looked at his mother, the smile still on his lips. She looked touched. 

“What?” 

“I asked why you  _ liked _ him.” She laughed. “Not why you  _ love  _ him.”

Michael joined her in her giggles. 

“You should go talk to him. I’m sure that you can get through to him.” She pushed herself away from the counter and returned to her seat. The sewing machine started up again.

Michael pushed the brownie pan back and returned to the table. He watched his mother finish the stitching. Once it was done, she passed it to him. In silence he unzipped it and quickly put it on, zipping it all the way up. 

“So what’s the plan now?” His mother rested her elbows on the table. Her head in her palms.

“Gonna whisk Jeremy away, duh!” Michael teased. “Pack up some brownies, distract everyone and grab him.” 

“Your weapon of choice: a literal whisk.” His mother joined in.

“Perfect. I’ll be a knight in shining armor--”   
“A knight in a red hoodie.” 

Again, they laughed. It was quiet in the house for a moment. No sewing machine, no oven noises or baking knife meeting pan. 

A knock on the door and a ring of the doorbell made them both jump. 

“Did Dad forget his keys again?” Michael got up and started to make his way to the front door.

“He said that he’d be in surgery, I doubt it’s him now.” His mother leaned over a bit to try to see who could be at the door. The wall covered her sight. Instead, she got up and started to make her way over to the brownies. 

Michael went to open the door and saw the odd sight of Mr. Heere. 

“I need your help!” The father said through collected breathes.  _ Did he run here?  _

“Uh, hey Mr. Heere?” Michael said it loud enough for his mother to clearly hear. She came over with a brownie on a plate. 

“Oh hey, Greg.” The mother and son exchanged a look, acknowledging the man’s indecent state. Michael’s mother tried to ignore it as she cleared her throat. Going back to eating her brownie

“I don’t have time for casual conversations!” The father exclaimed. “I need your help, now! It has to do with Jeremy!” Mr. Heere invited himself in, barging through the front door and started to pace around the foyer, then moved into pacing around the kitchen and dining room. “I didn’t know who else to turn to! You know more about him then I do, and I’m his father!!” Mr. Heere rambled. “I should have asked earlier what was going on, but now he’s just a complete stranger--”   
“Mr. Heere--” Michael went over to the hysteric man, trying to match his pace then stopped him in his tracks.    
“He’s been talking in his sleep--Almost like screaming! L-like he’s been having nightmares!” The father continued. 

“Mr. Heere… Greg?” Michael’s mother called this time, face full of brownies.

Michael finally matched the man’s pace and stopped him. “Just slow down, okay? Just explain what happened--”   
“It’s just… Jeremy, he--He got himself into some trouble, and he won’t listen to me… I can’t blame him though. I’ve never been there for him, I tried but he… He was right about me.” The father explained. “I thought I’d come to someone who knew him better then me. You and him have been friends for years, so… You should know what’s going on.” Mr. Heere pulled out a poorly folded shirt from his blazer pocket. It was a women's shirt, blue and white striped. “Like, can you explain this?” 

Michael looked at the shirt, then to Mr. Heere, then his eyes moved to his mother’s. Her eyes were warm, as if to say:  _ Whatever you decide I’ll stand with you.  _

As he looked back at the distressed father, he remembered a conversation between him and Jeremy. Jeremy stood outside the dressing room, looking at himself in the mirror with a shirt he was interested in buying. It was a girls shirt.    
The teenager begged Michael not to tell anyone about it. Especially his dad. Michael agreed and he watched as Jeremy loosened up--looking calmer. The next thing Jeremy said was if he looked pretty in it.

“I..I ca--” Michael couldn’t speak. He just shook his head instead.. “I promised Jeremy… and, honestly, it doesn’t seem right if I say it for him.” The father lowered his arms, his shoulders sagged as if he was defeated. 

When the father spoke, his voice was small. “Can you at least help me with my own problem?”    
Michael nodded.    
“I need pants...”

“Excuse me?” The boy raised an eyebrow. His mother nearly choked on her late night snack, she held a hand over her mouth as she tried to hide her laughter.  _ Grade A parenting, Madre.  _

 

***   
  
A mug was placed on the wooden table, filled with chamomile tea and honey. The three sat down with a big plate of freshly cut brownies in the center.    
Michael’s gaze drifted from the father that sat across from him. He could feel the quick movement of the father’s restless leg. It shook the table.    
Michael’s mother took a deep breath. “So, can you explain what happened?” Her hands were folded in her lap. Mr. Heere grabbed the mug and took sips of the tea. A blanket was on his lap to cover up his pantless legs. Michael watched as he swallowed it, the father’s face twisting as it burned his mouth.

“Well, honestly I don’t really know how it started. Jeremy came home today after school, and he was muttering to himself. He complained that he was feeling sick…” The father returned to his restless leg jittering after his mouth went numb.  
 _I thought tea was supposed to calm people._   
“He ran to his bedroom. I knocked on the door, and asked if he was okay. I think he lied to me.” The father took another sip of the drink, this time cautious of it. “He then came out of his room in a tizzy; I tried to stop him, but he ran out the door again.” Mr. Heere placed the mug down and took another defeated breath.

“Do you know what he was muttering about?” Michael spoke up. His fingers itched to grab his notebook.  _ That would be weird now.  _ “Like, when he came home first…”   
Mr. Heere sat back. He shrugged. “Just that he was feeling sick. He looked on the verge of collapse.”   
“Squip…” Michael muttered under his breath without realizing it. His mother looked at him, a small head tilt. Michael didn’t speak up.  _ I’ll try to talk to her about it later. Maybe…  _   
“When he came home again, he went right into the bathroom.” Mr. Heere said, breaking their silent conversation. “I heard something fall, like-like he collapsed. I knocked on the door and he answered a minute or so later. He looked perfectly fine, a little on the pale side, but fine.” His hands wrapped around the mug. “He-he said that a supercomputer was controlling him--I just assume it was part of a game you and him were playing. But when I went into his room, I found bags of clothes and got worried.” The father gestured toward the blue and white stripped shirt that was near Michael's mother. She had folded it so it wouldn’t be wrinkled, the tag from the store was still on it.    
“You found bags of clothes… and you got worried because of the clothes? Or because Jeremy might be in trouble?” His mother’s brow furrowed, another quick glance at her son. She sat up in her chair.    
“Both. Er, I don’t know.” Mr. Heere answered. “He’s always had…  _ problems _ .” The father’s shoulders sagged as he admitted to Jeremy’s anxiety. “He’s never told me about them, so I thought,” His gaze went to Michael. “I thought you’d know something.”

_ I know everything. _

The guilt of that thought tightened around him. Michael swallowed and tried to form a sentence.    
_ This is my fault. Everything that happened to Jeremy is my fault.  _   
“He--Jeremy, he took a drug. It’s this tiny supercomputer. It was supposed to make him cool… Or, make him more popular.” Michael’s voice was quiet as he confessed. “It controls what Jeremy wears, who he talks to, how he acts…”    
_ Calls you slurs. Attempts to kill people.  _   
“It shocks him. Wh-when he does something wrong.” Michael sniffled, he couldn’t meet the adult’s gaze. He tried to control his breathing by looking at the wooden table, or the steam coming out of Mr. Heeres mug.

“And you let him do this?” Mr. Heere’s voice was quiet, but it cut through the comfort of Michaels hoodie, stabbing him. “Y-you let him take a drug that hurts him!?” The father’s voice grew louder.    
_ Your fault.  _ __   
“I thought you two were friends! I thought I could come to you and you would know what to do! But instead, I find out that you were the cause of my son acting weird!!” The father was standing up now, shouting down at Michael.   
_ My fault. This is all my fault. _ __   
The berating started to get garbled in Michael’s ears, his vision blurred. He could make out that his mother was speaking; could hear her voice reaching out to him, trying to soothe the sting of Mr.Heere’s words. 

_This is my fault!_  
“I didn’t know what it would do!” The boy shouted back at the father, he stood up from his chair. “I didn’t know it would do _that_ to Jeremy, okay?! I wanted that stupid drug to show him how great of a person he is! I wanted it to show him that he’s amazing! And I was willing to let him go if he did change, if he found other people with it’s help… I care about Jeremy so much, Mr. Heere! _So freaking much._ To the point that when I started to realize how bad this drug was for him, I dropped everything that I was focused on and dedicated myself to trying to help him. Don’t say that I don’t care about him, when _you_ haven’t been there for him…” Michael wiped his eyes, he felt slightly drained. “Sorry,” he breathed. His voice was shaking. He quietly sat took his seat. “I’ve been blaming myself this whole time… I couldn’t take it. Thinking I’m to blame, and then hearing it. It’s too much...”  
Everyone was silent.  
The tension in the room subsided at a slow pace. Michael’s mother reached over and wrapped her arms around him. Muttering words of encouragement and pride. 

_ How can she be proud of me at a time like this? _

Mr. Heere took another sip of his tea, it was lukewarm. He placed the mug down as the embrace ended. “You love him… Don’t you?” His words were soft, caring almost, but they sent Michael reeling back to his anxiety.  


“¿Que?” Was the first thing Michael could utter out of his emotionally drained brain.

His mother tugged at the sleeve of his hoodie and pointed to the foyer. “Excuse us, Mr. Heere. Please feel free to try some of Michael’s baking.” She plastered on a smile as she got up and brought Michael to the empty foyer. His brain was fuzzy but he could still have a conversation with his mother.    
“ ¿Le dijiste que te gustaba al quien me contaste?”  Her eyebrows were raised in worry.  _ She’s as confused as I am. _ __   
__ "No creo que él quiera decirlo como tú y yo lo estamos pensando. Es que...yo solo--,"  Michael swallowed, trying to get a grip of his surroundings. “ No sé qué decirle, no sé cómo seguir hablando cuando estoy en este estado…”   
“ ¿Y, si lo sabe?”    
Michael shook his head. “ No creo que sepa. No creo que sea tan observante. Jeremías lo evitaba mucho. ”    
Michael’s mother rubbed her eyes and took a breath. “ ¿Por qué nos está pidiendo pantalones?”  She was trying to make light of the situation.   
“ ¿No lo sé? Él tiene una manera extraña de vivir.”

“ ¿Ha ido a trabajar?”

Michael squinted, trying to remember. Looking through his fuzzy head for any indication. He recalls Mr. Heere always saying that he wasn’t needed at the office.    
“ ¿Cómo ha estado pagando las facturas?”   
Michael’s eyes itched, he rubbed them and blinked away the burning dry feeling.  "Mamá, este no es el momento para estar preocupada por eso. ¡El padre de la persona que me gusta está aquí, y acabo de decirle lo que ha estado pasando con Jeremias!”

Mr. Heere coughed from the table, as if to break their private, hushed conversation. He turned from his seat and faced them. “Uh, is everything okay?” He asked awkwardly, then looked at Michael. “Are you feeling better? Sorry for shouting at you.”   
_ Is this an apology? _ _   
_ “It’s… It’s fine.” Michael responded as he and his mother returned back to the table. “I have a lot of explaining to do, anyway.” 

A fresh pot of hot water was made; mugs filled with tea and honey as Michael tried his best to explain. When he stopped, getting to the events of the Halloween party, he finally took a sip of the tea in front of him.

“So this… Squib--”   
“ _Squip._ ” Michael corrected Mr. Heere.   
“--Right…” Mr. Heere nodded. “How long has Jeremy had it?”  
“He got it in September. I came over the weekend before he got it.” Michael shifted in his seat. He managed to grab his notebook from his room as the water was boiling. He shifted through the pages of notes, trying to avoid the clear split between his dreams and his notes. “It’s hard to find information on it, but I managed and there are ways to remedy it.”  
The adults sat forward, as if waiting for Michael to continue.   
“One method of getting it out, or shutting it down is, is drinking Mountain Dew Red.” Michael explained. “That method only works if the user drank it with regular Mountain Dew, and that method isn’t used much since Mountain Dew Red was discontinued in the 90’s.”   
“Did Jeremy do that?” Mr. Heere asked.   
_No._ “Not exactly…” Michael hesitated. “He took it with a normal drink… I deduced through Rich, another Squip user, and through watching how Jeremy acted--wh-what the method for getting it out of him should be.”  
Mr. Heere leaned forward.   
_Moment of truth._ “See the thing is,”  Michael felt the same anxiety boil up in him. “I--” He hesitated, took a breath.   
_Tired, and anxious._  
Michael shut his eyes as he spoke, and at the last second, panicked and opened them. “Mr. Heere, I-- _We_ have to have Jeremy find himself. Like, do _something_ to show him that people care about him.” _  
___That I care about him.   
“And how do we do that? How can Jeremy find himself? D-do we have to show him the bags of clothes I found? How?”  Mr. Heere sent the rapid fire questions at Michael, who’s heart was blasting in his ears and his face burned.  
“Well, actually…” Michael’s voice cracked, the father’s eyes were trained on him. Michael swallowed and cleared his throat. “If we're being honest, Mr. Heere…” His gaze went to his hoodie, the new patch on his sleeve, and to Mr. Heere. He let out a small laugh when he spoke. “I--I’m in love with Jeremy.” The anxiety melted and was replaced with fond memories. “And the reason--The reason I say that is because, I know that the Squip--Or at least the Squip that Jeremy has, it’s been actively trying to just block me from helping Jeremy… It tried to kill someone because he kissed a guy!” Michael visited Rich in the hospital once. He didn’t have the Squip anymore. It was hidden under his pillow, the burned boy told Michael what happened, everything that happened. “We just have to--No, Jeremy has to save himself by admitting that.” Michael was now staring at anything that wasn’t the father. His face was burning, he looked from the walls, to the floor, to the table. Searched through his memories to find something calming. Remembered Jeremy. 

Mr. Heere stifled a laugh. It was low, with the father’s hands sliding over his face. “He's been talking in his sleep recently, like he's in a nightmare. I'd hear it and check on him.” Mr. Heere took a breath.. “See, it's a goal of a parent to be able to wake their kid up from a nightmare, because the kid will be calling for their parent… but he was never calling for my help. He was calling  _ your _ name, Michael.”

***

Michael threw Mr. Heere a pair of sweatpants he found in from the laundry room, freshly washed. As he handed them over to Mr. Heere he turned to his mother.    
“Dad has the car, right?”   
She nodded. 

Michael looked at Mr. Heere. The father spoke up. “Jeremy took the car. I didn’t know he could--”   
“Just go change.” Michael pointed to a hallway bathroom across the foyer. “I need to breathe…” Once Mr. Heere left and the bathroom was closed, Michael slumped back in his seat. Cursing in spanish about how tired he was.

“Well tonight sure has taken a turn.” His mother piped up from where she was sitting. Her mug was empty, and Michael knew she wasn’t going to make another cup. When she stretched he could hear her joints crack. “What’s the plan?”

“I need to get to the school. I need you to take Mr. Heere shopping…” 

His mother squinted at him, her way of silently disagreeing. 

“Please Mom!”

“You get to go on a grand adventure and save the princess, and I get to go shopping for pants? That doesn’t sound like a good adventure for  _ me. _ ”

Michael sighed, then yawned. His drained state was catching up with him. “I just… I don’t want the Squip to hurt anyone, I know where Jeremy is, so why not just fix everything now!”

“Because you’re recovering from a breakdown.” His mother answered, then calmed her tone once the bathroom door opened again and Mr. Heere came out. He made his way back to the table, Michael could see how uncomfortable he was in the sweatpants. He had a weird step, as if he jumped each time the fabric touched his leg. Michael brought his attention back to his mother. “You don’t need to solve all the world's problems tonight,  _ Mijo. _ ”   
_ I just want to fix Jeremy’s problem… My problem if I had to trace all the blame back to me. _

“If--If this is about Jeremy,” Mr. Heere piped in. “I’d like for you to help him as quick as possible… I might not have known what was going on with Jeremy, unless I spoke with you. So…. Thank you, Michael.”    
The boy sat up when the acknowledgment reached him.    
Another look at his mother, her squint and furrowed brow was hard to crack but she did nonetheless, getting up and muttering in spanish as she got her coat on, opening the door.

“Vámonos!” She called, and Michael shot up from his seat. Mr. Heere followed. “Get a friend to drive us there. Please.” His mother insisted. The group was tired, but a new energy was filled in them.  
***

  
“So where are we exactly?” Mr. Heere asked as his gaze swept the street nearby. The three of them stood outside of another house. Michael had just knocked on the door.   
“An acquaintance of Jeremy and me. He can drive us.” Michael knocked again. Inside he could hear garbled replies and footsteps, followed by Rich opening the door. 

“‘Sup--”   
“We need you to drive us to the mall, and to the high school.” Michael cut him off.

“--nice to see you too, Mike.”

“It’s Michea--”

Rich cut him off. “Yeah, I know. That’s what getting cut off feels like.” 

He grabbed the keys, did a quick sweep of the interior of the house, and stepped outside. 

They climbed in Rich’s car and were off. 

“So where are we going first?” Rich asked at the first light.

“Mr. Heere and I were going to go to the mall, he needs a better wardrobe.” Michael’s mother explained from the back seat. Rich nodded. Michael sat in the passenger seat. His finger were tapping on the arm rest. 

“I need you to drive me to school.” Michael added. Rich shrugged and pursed his lips as he drove. 

“I don’t know if I can do that. I can’t be on school grounds.”

“You’re just dropping me off. Plus, it’s night; no one is going to be there!” Anxiety and impatience was getting to Michael.    
Rich took a breath as he drove into the mall parking lot. “Fine.” The burned boy caved as he stopped the car. He turned to the two adults in the back. “First stop. Hope you enjoyed riding with Richard Goranski, any questions before you get on your way?” He joked. No one was in the mood for jokes.

“What happened to your body... W-were you the one that started that fire?” Mr. Heere asked. 

“Yeah…” Rich slowly gave him a nod, plastered a smile on his lips. “It was my fucked up coming out story. Local Bisexual Burns Alive to Show How Gay He Actually Is.”   
Michael’s mother opened the door and stepped out of the car, calling for Mr. Heere to follow. He stayed in the seat for another moment as if trying to think of something to say. When he couldn’t find the words, he simply left.

“Adults are weird.” Rich stated as he drove away from the light polluted mall. 

“My mom added a rainbow patch to my hoodie.” Michael added.

“She seems nice. Wish I had a Mom like that.” Rich’s hands tightened around the wheel as they drove closer to the school. 

The tightness in Michael’s stomach returned as they drew closer.

They drove to the back entrance. A tense air hung through the car. “Jeremy, came and talked to me today.” Rich started when Michael opened the door. “I told him how I got the Squip out.”

All Michael did was smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much Popurikat on tumblr for writing out the conversation:  
> MM: Michael's mom. M: Michael  
> MM: Did you tell him about liking You-know-who?  
> M: I don’t think he means it like you and I are thinking. I just,  
> M: I don’t know what to say to him, I don’t know how to continue talking when I’m in this state…  
> MM: What if he does know?  
> M: I don’t think he does. I don’t think he’s that observant. Jeremy avoided him a lot of the time.  
> MM: Why is he asking for pants?  
> M: I don’t know? He has a weird way of living.  
> MM: Has he been going to work?  
> MM: How has he been paying bills?  
> M: Mom, this isn’t the time to be worrying about that. The father of the person I like is here, and I just told him what’s been going on with Jeremy!
> 
> Again, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


	16. The Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is Squipped. Jeremy has to stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's cast playlist songs:
> 
> 1\. Two Birds - Regina Spektor  
> 2\. Water - Ra Ra Riot  
> 3\. Heroes - Peter Gabriel

Jeremy heard conversations. In the darkness it was his own way of understanding what was happening. 

“Squip,” he called. “Let me see what’s going on!” If he could bang on the walls of his mind, he would. But he didn’t know where anything ended, or began for that matter. 

The conversations were slurred. No words could be made out. “Squip…” Jeremy started again, “I think it’s unfair to our deal if you shut me ou--”

Suddenly vision was brought forth. Jeremy shielded his eyes from the sudden shift of color. 

_ SQUIP: Look Jeremy. _

A messy carpeted room with an array of plastic chairs and music sheet stands. Large instruments were pushed to the side, with quickly made notes on them that read ‘DO NOT TOUCH’. 

Clothes were thrown on the music stands, a mix of normal, and the apocalyptic mess of black and camo. In the center of it all, a wooden podium with a mini speaker blasting a familiar tune. Chloe, Jenna, and Brooke were casually dancing and singing to the chorus.

_ SQUIP: I thought you’d like to see her again. _

The Squip’s vision was trained on Brooke. Jeremy couldn’t help but smile. Her hair was in a messy bun, and a big smile was spread on her lips.    
“--So I jumped into the water, took off all these tight clothes--” She shouted along with Chloe. “Jumped into the water!!” They both exploded into laughs. Chloe placed her arm around Brooke, in a gentle manner that made Jeremy’s chest hurt from memories. The girls saw Jeremy then. 

“Hey, Jeremy!!” Brooke called, she left Chloe’s embrace and went over to the teenager. “It’s great to see you back, we all thought you quit.”   
“‘Sup, Jerry.” Chloe said from where she stood. 

“Yeah, sorry. I haven’t been feeling well recently.” The Squip lied. “But I’m here now.” Jeremy’s shoulders shrugged off the lie. Brooke’s hands went to her usual spot on him, jabbing him playfully in the side. 

“Well, you haven’t missed much really--”

“We did some team building.” Chloe finally made her way over to the two of them.    
“--Yeah, that. We all got together, and memorized our lines.” Brooke finished. “And that was really just Chloe trying to memorize her lines.” 

Chloe laughed. “I suck, it’s true. Shakespeare is hard.”

The Squip laughed, “I can give you some tips.”   
Chloe waved her hand in protest. “I’d rather fail hard trying my best.”

Brooke spoke up again, “Thanks for contributing to the cast playlist, Jeremy. Honestly, I thought that you’d have mainly rappers on it. But, your picks are really nice.” 

The Squip smiled. “It was nothing.”

_ Why are you giving her small comments. This isn’t a conversation. _

_ SQUIP: I’m replying in a short manner so she can leave it wanting more. _

_ I don’t want her to want more of me, I want to have a conversation with her. _

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, if you keep protesting I’m going to shut you out completely again. _

“Mr. Reyes took us to the Hobby Lobby the other day, we all got to pick out our costumes.” Chloe stated, she gestured to her outfit. It was black capri shorts and an olive green tee shirt.   
“I wanted to modify mine since--well the girls costumes were kinda weird for the show.” Brooke stated.    
“This is supposed to be a zombie apocalypse, not a fanfare of girls looking sexy while trying to kill zombies” Chloe added. 

“Yeah, so long story short, we got better clothes…” Brooke gestured to her own outfit, it was much like Chloes but the colors were reversed. A pair of hardware goggles dangled from her neck. 

“That’s good to hear.” 

_ Answer her, you coward! _

_ SQUIP: What did you just call me?! _ _   
_ The anger in the Squip’s cold voice was clear.

A knock on the door made them all turn. 

“Hey guys, we’re gonna run through the show soo--” Christine started, then she saw Jeremy. “Jeremy!! You’re back!” She squeezed him in a hug. “We missed you, for the time you were gone, Mr. Reyes was playing your part.”

“Wait, isn’t he Rich’s understudy?” The Squipped teen asked.

“Yup…” Chloe put in, a small nod of her head. 

“It was really weird.” Brooke stated. 

Christine’s hands dropped and she stepped back. “I’ve been working on my zombie impression. I figured to go all out and be as scary as I can be when I do turn into one.” She laughed, then in a swift movement her left leg went dead and she hunched over. She started groaning and her fingers locked into place.

_ SQUIP: Why do you like her again? _

_ How can you not find her enthusiasm cute! _

“A-anyway,” She quickly composed herself; as if the scene never happened.. “We’re gonna have a cast meeting before we start.”

“Great!” The Squip said, “I actually want to go over something before we begin.”

Christine gave him a thumbs up. “Awesome… Now, I have to find Crutchie.”

“Uh…”

Brooke leaned over and whispered. “Christine finally came up with a nickname for Jake. He’s on crutches.”

“Oh…”

_ That’s so cute… I wonder if she’d ever come up with a nickname for me. _

_ SQUIP: Her boyfriend. Does that count? _

 

***

 

The small cast met at center stage. Everyone was dressed in their costume and there was a nervous and excited air. “Alright everyone, it’s the first day of tech week, Which means we’re going to go through the whole show and clean up our small mishaps.” Christine explained. “Mr. Reyes will be understudying for Rich, since his suspension is going to end right after the show.”

Jeremy saw Jake hide his disappointment with a shifting of his crutches. Hard casts were covering his legs from the knees down. 

_ SQUIP: He must want to punch out Richard for what he did. _

_ What makes you say that? _

_ SQUIP: Well, if I had a human form, I’d be infuriated if a homosexual made advances at me.  _

“In any case, Jeremy…” Christine motioned toward the teen. “The floor is yours.”

The Squip took a breath before speaking. Jumping on his heels as he formed the words; acting more like Jeremy. “I’ve been trying to come up with a way to create the Pansy Serum, since my character, Puck, has to trick everyone in drinking it. I started thinking of ways to mix drinks to have an odd flavor, still be refreshing and still look like it would be from an apocalyptic setting.” 

Jenna stated the obvious. “Is it alcohol? Cause…” She let out a squeal that drifted into a laugh. “Last time alcohol was involved with us, Jake got his legs broken so…”   
“It’s not alcoholic.” The Squip reassured. “I put it on the props table for all of you to try now, if you want.”

Christine went over and grabbed a cup for herself and Jake. 

Once everyone had one they all held it in a toast. 

“Wait, Jeremy, aren’t you going to have some?” Brooke asked. 

The Squip shook his head. “I’ve been working on it for too long, I’m kinda sick of the taste. Sorry.”

Mr. Reyes shrugged and he was the first to down the drink. He cringed as he swallowed it. Then licked his lips. “Alright, well, we’ll start with scene two first. All of you have to act like you're getting transformed into terrifying zombies.” He walked off stage, into the darkness that was the backstage box.

Jeremy followed. His role required for him to be be on stage for small moments. He watched as everyone downed the drink, they all had the same reaction as their teacher.    
“Keep those disgusted faces, make sure that when the light goes on, you make a scene about transforming.” Mr. Reyes said again, and with a motion of his hand called Chloe over. “Ms. Valentine, please put more effort into your transformation. It pains me to see you act… so bored on stage.”

She gave him a thumbs up. “Don’t worry, teach. This drink--Disgusting as it was--actually makes me feel like I got everything memorized and like I can give it my all.”   
The drama teacher let out an exhale of relief and shooed the girl backstage. 

“So, Jeremy, what was in this interesting drink you made?” The teacher turned to Jeremy finally and asked.

The Squipped teen shrugged. “Nothing much really, just some carbonated water, with food coloring…” The Squip stopped, a smile on his lips. “Oh, and some tictacs. That’s what really adds the kick.”

_ Wait--what?! _

_ SQUIP: We agreed on this, Jeremy. _

_ No! No we didn’t! We agreed to just tell everyone about it!! About you!! _   
Vision cut.    
Jeremy heard himself muttering in the darkness of his mind suddenly. “No… No no no no!!” He screamed, trying to focus. Trying to get back in control. Everything felt weighted and noiseless. He could make out music again. From the dressing room. 

Another one of his songs.

He muttered along with the words he could make out.  _ LET ME TAKE--- _   
He let out a breath, as if emerging from a pool. Things were clear. He was in control. “Mr. Reyes!” Jeremy went over to the teacher, his body felt heavy. Pins and needles ran through him.    
_ SQUIP: Don’t you dare… _ _   
_ The hot pain returned as Jeremy faced the teacher. “Y-you can’t have anyone… Has everyone drank from the serum?” His heart was in his ears.

“Relax, Jeremy…” The teacher’s voice sounded too cheery, caked with lies and voices that only Mr. Reyes could hear. “It’s going to be fine.” The teacher placed his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders. The reassurance in his voice terrified the teenager. “You said it yourself; it’s more than safe.”

Jeremy felt Mr. Reyes nails dig into his shoulder. 

In a flash, the grey form off the Squip appeared next to the two.    
“Don’t---Don’t do--” Jeremy tried getting out before he was blasted with another set of shocks. He watched as the Squip positioned its hands on Mr. Reyes; first his forehead, then his neck. A jolt of electricity passed through him.   
Then the Squip was gone. 

“Mr. Reyes…” Jeremy choked out, his voice sounded more pathetic than he wanted it to. 

For a long moment, the teacher was quiet. Then Jeremy met his gaze and saw the blue veins running down from his eyes.    
Jeremy pulled himself away from Mr. Reyes’ grip and headed to the dressing room. 

_ I have to tell everyone-- _   
“Stop. right there.  _ Mr. Heere… _ ” The teacher called, his voice had a grainy sound to it. Hallow. Robotic. In a few short strides he made it over to Jeremy and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “I can’t let you do that.”   
_ SQUIP: Neither can I. _

Mr. Reyes pulled Jeremy away from the closed dressing room door. “You’re so pathetic, really.” The Squipped teacher said. His grip on Jeremy’s shirt tightened. “All of you stupid kids are!!” he laughed. “You think--Oh, everything can be solved if I just be myself! Well, I tried that. And now I’m an idiotic, bubbling high school drama teacher. In  _ New Jersey  _ of all places!!”    
Jeremy felt himself being dangling above the ground floor. The pain of new shocks were still running through his body. “My Squip-- It says I can get to Broadway. I just have to stop you from ruining everything!”    
Jeremy felt himself get thrown, his body hitting the stage. He curled into a ball as his shoulder throbbed.    
“I didn’t want this!!” He screamed. He couldn’t tell if the pain that erupted from his body was from hitting the hard surface of the stage or from the new shocks.  _ Did the shocks even stop?  _

_ SQUIP: Squipping everyone is the only way to get  _ what  _ you want!! It’s the only way anyone will ever care about you, or listen to what you have to say!! Syncing with everyone here, that’s just the beginning!! _

The teenager stood up on shaking legs. He limped over to the backstage props table, using it as a crutch as he tried to get open the dressing room door.

Thankfully, Brooke was coming out with her script, muttering lines that still were escaping her. “Brooke…” Jeremy called and she stopped. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“You’re method acting again?” She asked. 

Jeremy shook the white dots from his vision. “Did you drink the--the serum? The--the pansy…”   
She caught on to what he was struggling to say. A nod. 

_ No.  _   
“We all did.” A laugh. A small smile. “Is everything okay?” As she said that, the blue vein-like lines appeared. “Or are you gonna cry, like the fairy you are, because everything is falling apart around you?” 

Her words stung more than the searing shocks.    
“Why are you Squipping everyone!?” Jeremy shouted at the drug in his brain. He tried to grab Brooke, but she stepped away and watched his body fall.    
“Because Jeremy,” She said. “Once everyone has the same mindset, you can achieve anything!” She knelt down to the teenager, her body was in control of the Squip. “You’re whole life can be improved--”   
“What if I don’t want it to improve if everything is going to be as painful as it is now!!” The teenager screamed and forced himself to stand. Brooke stood up slowly. Her eyes were cold.

In a quick movement her arm raised, Jeremy shut his eyes as he waited for her fist to hit him.  _ Another painful thing to add to the list! _

Her fingers wrapped around his hair. “You don’t get it,  _ Jeremy…” _ The same weightless feeling.    
_ SQUIP: I’m going to Improve your life, Jeremy!! Even if I have to  _ kill  _ you to do it!! _

His body hit the stage again. Right as his back impacted with the black floor, he could only hear his own screams as the electricity ran through him. His nails dug into the wood. Tears streaked his eyes. 

_ No one would care. _

_ Everyone’s Squipped so… No one would care if I died. _

Jeremy’s shaking body looked toward Brooke. Her blonde hair was disappearing through the dressing room door. 

_ SQUIP: I can control all of them Jeremy. You’ll be able to get what you want.  _

The Squips voice was almost soothing compared to the never ending pain. 

_ SQUIP: Just stop getting in my way, stop getting worried over everyone. _

_ SQUIP: They don’t care about you. _

_ SQUIP: They only like you because of the improvements I’ve made. _

“Wha--What about Rich...He…”

_ SQUIP: Rich disobeyed me. And if you keep trying to disobey, you’ll end up like him. _

“That’s not…” Jeremy got out. “That’s not it…” 

The Squip fell silent. 

“He… He told me…” Jeremy choked down all the pain he was feeling. “He told me why you tried to kill him… Why--Why you--” The teenagers hand went to his pocket, his joints locked up as the Squip fed him more shocks. 

“You tried to get r--rid of Michael. You... “ The white dots reappeared.  _ Is this what dying feels like…  _ “You tried to make me forget how much I cared about him…” Jeremy fought against his locked joints and grabbed his phone, the screen was cracked from meeting the stage floor. 

_ SQUIP: Jeremy, you really want to do this… Now… When I’m so close to making everything better for you! _

The Squips voice was layered, distorting through Jeremy’s ears and causing the overhead lights to flicker. 

_ Call Michael.  _

_ SQUIP: I think not!!  _

The shock trained on Jeremy’s arms, it felt like spikes were getting driven through his arms. Another scream as his phone fell from his hands. He moved so he was on his arms and knees. The world was quiet as all he heard was the scratching of electricity and the Squips berating words.    
_ SQUIP: Like I said, Jeremy! I’m going to improve your life!! Even if I have to take over everyone here!! Even if I have to kill you to do it!! _

And then, everything stopped. 

All the pain. 

All the noise inside Jeremy’s head. 

A light came from the auditorium doors being slammed opened. Followed by a familiar voice and a red hoodie.   
“MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE!!!”

It was Michael. 

“ _ Michael!!!”  _ Jeremy screamed. 

The gentle laugh that escaped Michael’s lips as he made his way to the stage made Jeremy’s heart stop. 

Jeremy’s eyes blurred with tears as Michael joined him center stage. His image was distorting from the Squip’s interference, but he was there. 

“Is play practice normally this rough on you?” Michael held out his arm to Jeremy; in a quick motion Jeremy took his hand, then steadily wrapped his arms around his friend. Jeremy buried his sobs into the red fabric of Michael’s hoodie. The feeling of Michael slowly wrapping his arms around Jeremy almost felt unreal. “It’s okay, Jeremy…” His voice was soft and reassuring.

“I’m just really glad you’re here, right now.” The teenager nuzzled into Michael’s shoulder and took a few calming breathes. Fatigue set in quickly.    
_ I don’t want to let go... _

Michaels arms were resting on Jeremy’s shoulders as the embrace ended, his gaze quickly went over the teenager. The fresh scrapes and faint bloodlines were starting to become prominent. “We-we gotta get you out of here…” Michael spoke as his hands fell, quickly brushing against Jeremy’s own hands.

The teenager couldn’t enjoy the small bit of contact as the electricity returned. “No!” Jeremy got out amiss the pain. “We--We can’t leave. The Squip… It tricked me!”

Michael stopped. “What do you mean?” he slowly looked at his friend, a wave of concern.

“It…--holy fuck, Michael I’m  _ so _ sorry about everything.” Jeremy’s nails dug indents into his own palms. “I shouldn’t have taken this stupid drug! It’s ruined everything!!”   
“Jeremy,” Michael’s voice was stern, caring and quiet. “We can talk about this later, we have to get you ou--”

“It took control of my body and it might have Sq-Squipped everyone!!” Jeremy got out right before more powerful volts took over.

Jeremy fell to his knees again.    
“What do you mean by, ‘it might have’?” Michael joined him for a moment on the stage floor, he wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and took Jeremy’s arm around his, standing up and supporting him to stand. 

Jeremy assessed the scene; the two of them, alone, center stage. The quiet and closeness made a blush rise on the teenagers face. On his shaky legs he stepped back from Michael and took a few deep breathes. “I-I’ll explain, just… I need to get my bearings a-and… Not be out in the open right now.” Jeremy struggled to say. His brain was fuzzy, and the hot pain was still radiating on his body. He took Michael’s hand and muttered a small, ‘come on’ as they disappeared into the darkness of stage left.    
Jeremy stopped and turned to his friend when he knew that they were covered by the curtains. 

“It, like it… I let it take control of my body, Michael… And I let it do whatever it wanted. In the show, there’s this zombie potion that my character gives everyone. It-It shut me out from seeing stuff… and the next thing I know was that it had mixed Squips into the drink.” Jeremy explained as his free hand tightened around his jeans from the amount of pressure and pain he was feeling. He noticed that his other hand was still holding Michael’s. He pulled back, clearing his throat in the process.    
Michael stuffed his hands in his pockets.    
“I watched everyone take a cup. I don’t know who drank it or not…” Jeremy finished.   
“Have you talked with anyone since? How did you gain control?” Michael asked.    
“Ju-just Mr. Reyes, he’s Squipped. And Brooke too…  _ Oh,  _ God. Michael, what if they’re going through the same thing as I am! What if they’re getting electrocuted!” Jeremy panicked, and grabbed Michael’s sleeves.    
“Is it shocking you right now?” Michael whispered, Jeremy could only nod as new tears left his burning eyes.    
_ This is all my fault.  _ “Why did I take this drug in the first place? Why was I such an idiot to believe it would help…” Jeremy sniffled, his shoulders shaking. “I just… I guess I just wanted to know if I could be normal.”    
“You’re not normal. No one is.” Michael soothed. “You’re Jeremy.”

Jeremy wiped his eyes. He took a few steady breaths. “Why didn’t you want to split it, wh-when we got it?”  
Michael hesitated before speaking. “I wanted you to see… I wanted you to see how amazing you were.” He traced a thumb over Jeremy’s wet cheeks, wiping away tears. “I wanted it to make you realize how--how much people care about you…” Michael whispered. “How much _I_ care about you.” 

In the dark, behind the curtains, out of sight of everyone. Jeremy enjoyed the moment.    
_ I could kiss him right now.  _ The thought drifted into Jeremy’s mind easily. Even with the Squips shocks clawing at his body. 

“Hey, Jeremy?!” Jake’s voice broke the moment. “You around here? We’re about to begin.” The clacking of his crutches came closer to the two. Jeremy stepped away from Michael and cleared his throat. 

“Y-yeah. I’m here. Uh…” Jeremy started, stepping into some of the light that came off the stage.  Jake had a big smile on. “...Sorry if I had anyone worried.” 

“No worries dude.” Jake waved his hand, pushing the apology aside. Michael joined the two, hands stuffed back in his pockets. “Hey, you’re…. Michael, right?” 

Michael froze at the recognition. “Yeah.” Was all he got out.   
“I thought I saw you here one day… Are you part of stage crew? Capu--Christine was telling me more about theater. I might try out for stage crew next time.” He gave them a big smile, moving one of his crutches and tapping the hard cast. “Once these are off, of course.”

The three fell silent for a brief moment.    
“Uh,” Jeremy muttered.  _ Just ask if he drank the Squip juice.  _ “Jake, did--I was wondering if you--” The teenagers jaw locked up once more.   
_ SQUIP: I’m gonna cut you off there. _

The searing pain returned, causing Jeremy to lose feeling in his legs once more. His body crumbled to the stage again, hand gripping at Michael’s sleeve the entire time.

“Do you want me to get Mr. Reyes?” Jake staggered back, his voice was alert. “Is he having a seizure?”   
The convulsing from the electricity wasn’t as bad as before. But Jeremy’s muscles  _ were _ spasming. He couldn’t get words out of his throat, all he could manage was a garbled mess.   
The grey entity appeared beside Jake, it seemed to slip into reality seamlessly; perfectly.

“Ja--” Jeremy tried to get out, and reached a shaking, locked hand for the broken legged boy. He felt there were were small rocks tumbling down his throat.    
_ Behind you! _

The Squip placed its hands on Jake and a small shock was applied. Jeremy felt it as well, it appeared right as his muscle spasms subsided and the rocks in his throat vanished. The teenager then started to cough violent, gasping for air.

Michael was close to him again. An arm around Jeremy as he tried to catch his breath. 

“It--It was--” Jeremy tried to get out through gasps. He looked toward Jake. The tall boy stood there for a second, blinking.    
_ Maybe Jake didn’t drink it.  _   
“Jake... “ Michael voiced for Jeremy. “Hey, if--If you can, could you help me get Jeremy up.” His brown eyes went to Jake then to Jeremy. “No offense, but you’re in no condition to move.”

“What are you going to do then? Carry me?” Jeremy’s eyes met Michael’s. The fatigue was well beyond setting in, it felt almost like a cement wall on Jeremy’s body. 

_ Kiss him.  _

“If it comes down to that, yeah! I’m willing to do it.” His friend said. A red blush went over Jeremy’s cheeks.

Again, Jake broke the moment. His laugh was cold. 

“Y’know, I’ve been in a really awful mindset.” He giggled as if trying to hide something. “Now, all of a sudden… There’s this voice in my head,” Jeremy saw the cold blue veins and eyes take over Jake. “Telling me that like, none of that matters… That just--just upgrading could help me in the long run.”

In the faint light of the stage, Jeremy thought he saw tears run down Jake’s cheeks; they got masked by the Squips control. 

“I don’t need these stupid things anymore!!” Jake shouted, his crutches fell and he bent down as if stretching his legs. The hard casts cracked where he bent his lower legs. 

“Did-Did it heal your legs!?” Jeremy shouted in disbelief, he felt Michael latching onto him, trying to pull him up. 

“ _ NO!”  _ Jake’s smile was forced and chaotic. “ _ I just can’t feel the pain, anymore!!” _   
“We have to get out of here!!” Michael shouted and tugged Jeremy to his feet. The two ran in any way they could.    
“So that’s three people Squipped…” Jeremy said as they headed toward the metal stairs of the catwalk. “And, all of them want me dead!” Jeremy started up the stairs.    
“The Squip must really hate you.” Michael tried to make light of the situation. He stayed at the bottom of the stairs, looking out for anyone.    
The catwalk was massive, it spanned from one side of the stage to the other, and broke off in the middle to span across the auditorium seats.  _ Just get there, hide in the equipment room and think of a plan.  _ _   
_ “Michael, I have an idea…” Jeremy reached the top of the stairs and turned around, only to be met with no one. He couldn’t hear any footsteps. He slapped his head multiple times, trying to scare away his blurred and dotted vision. Turning, he called his friends name again. 

He could make out the sound of a struggle. 

“Michael?!” Jeremy called again, he started down the stairs and tripped as the Squip interfered.

_ SQUIP: You’re being such a burden on me, Jeremy.  _

The teenagers body hit the metal stair well, he felt it scrape at his face. A new addition to his already burning body. 

_ SQUIP: I’m trying to help you Jeremy, I’m trying to make everything better. So stop-- _

“Stop interfering with me!!” Jeremy cut the voice in his head off. If his body received a shock, he couldn’t feel it. Pain was pain, and this was constant. 

The Squip fell silent again. Jeremy took that opportunity to try call Michael again. 

This time he heard footsteps, multiple. “Michael…” Jeremy breathed as he got to his feet. Using the railing as a support.

“Jeremy--” Michael shouted from below, he was struggling. Jeremy could make out a pair of arms holding him back. “Get out of here!” Michael pushed away the arms that were practically clawing at him. 

“What about you?”

“Please, I’ve punched Rich before. I can--” Michael struggled from their grip. “I got caught up… I’ll meet up later with you.” He was smiling.    
Jeremy nodded and headed back up. He could faintly hear fighting from below. The sound of fists, the crash of bodies meeting stage floor. 

_ Keep going.  _   
Jeremy limped and used the railing for a support and made his way through the hanging metal. Halfway to the intersection of the cat walk, the fight from below grew quiet. Through his blurred vision, he saw a figure come up from the other stairwell. 

“Michael?” He breathed. 

“You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”

  Jeremy looked up to see the post-apocalyptic outfit of Chloe. He grabbed her by the shoulders.   
“Please tell me you’re okay?” His voice cracked as he spoke.

She rose an eyebrow and scoffed. “Yeah, Jerry. I’m chill.”   
_ Good…  _ “W-where’s Brooke? Is she with you?” The teen dropped his arms, once again trying to collect himself. 

Chloe shrugged. “She went to check out what was happening down below.” They locked eyes. “‘Why are you up here anyway? The script doesn’t say that you’re supposed to be up here, the script doesn’t say anything about  _ any  _ of us being up here.”

“When have you cared about what the script says? You-you can’t even memorize your lines!” Jeremy was quick to go on the defensive, a short fuse from all the other things that were causing him trouble.

Chloe let out a small laugh. “Wow, you still know how to cut deep with the truth… Is that like a superpower of yours?”   
Jeremy heard footsteps behind him. Quiet as if on their toes. 

“I think the only superpower he’d have is disobeying the Squip.” Jeremy turned around and saw Brooke. “First, he has a breakdown, then he kisses me.  _ Then,  _ he dates me, and kisses my best friend… Like, Jeremy. Are you trying to be a player or not?” Her cold blue eyes and veins seemed almost to illuminate the dark.    
“I’m  _ trying  _ to stop the Squip!” He protested.

“Why?” Chloe asked. He turned back to her and saw the same cold blue stare. “Why would you get rid of something that makes us all feel… connected. That makes us all understand each other.” 

“Because it’s not as great as it tells you it is!!” Jeremy shouted at her. He was completely cornered by the two girls. “It shocks me every second of the day, it-it hurt Jake and tried to  _ kill  _ Rich!”

“But Jeremy,” Brooke started, her voice was still as sweet. “There’s no more pressures. We can all feel happy for once. No more stress from school, or peers, or teachers… Or-Or friends.” The falter in her voice sounded sad, it reminded Jeremy of Jake when he got taken control. A sadness that broke through the Squips control. 

“I don’t have to worry about people thinking I’m a bitch anymore.” Chloe’s voice had the same sadness.

_ Did I sound like this when I’d talk to people.  _

Chloe laughed. “Like, it’s just all of us! All connected, in one big understanding unit!” 

“Why would you get rid of that Jeremy?” Brooke repeated.   
Jeremy wanted to plug his ears from their combined voices. They both swirled around him. 

“You’d be getting rid of our shared happiness…”   
“You’d be getting rid of our shared understanding…”   
“You won’t be perfect…”   
“You won’t be cool…”   
“You’ll be a mess…”   
“A burden..”   
“A nuisance…”   
“A guy who should just kill himself…”   
Brooke broke the swirl of words with a laugh, “Chlo, Jeremy’s not a guy!”    
Through the sea of toxic words, Jeremy felt a small glimmer of happiness. 

Brooke continued, “If anything, he’s just a lame excuse for a guy. I mean, huh, I wouldn’t have kissed him if he didn’t remind me of my first kiss.”

A moment of hesitation from Chloe.   
“Wait… You--You’ve been thinking about that, too?” She finally spoke.

“Well, yeah. I can’t  _ stop  _ thinking about it. Sure, it was awkward! But, Chloe... I’m really happy that you were my first kiss and not some creepy guy.”   
Jeremy’s eyes went to the both of them. Confusion was overwhelming him. “Uh…” Was all he could get out.    
“I’m really happy you were my first kiss as well!!” Chloe confessed.

Another moment of hesitation. Then they spoke in perfect unison    
“Oh my god, why was I so scared of you this whole time!?”    
“Oh my god, why was I so defensive of you this whole time!?” 

Chloe passed Jeremy on the catwalk. Her cold eyes hiding a small warmth. Jeremy took this opportunity to flee down the stairs.    
“Michael!?” Jeremy shouted as he bounded down the metal escape. “Where’d you go, Michael!!”   
The music from the dressing room could be faintly heard. Jeremy could feel the vibrations of the bass under his shoes. Along with the loud drumming, a loud voice. As cold and sad as the rest. 

Through the dark backstage, Jeremy weaved his way back to where this all started. Hiding in the curtains he peered through them to see Michael, center stage, on his knees. His face was bruised up as if he received some punches.

“...So, like, since we’re all connected now,” Jenna said, she stood over Michael. “I can’t be the only one to find Chloe and Brooke’s emotional reunion, to be, well,” She exhaled. “A tad too late.” The Squip made her sound a lot calmer; adding a layer of dullness that took away her fun personality. Her shoe tapped on the floor in impatience. “I swear, I have to do everything…” She muttered and looked down at Michael. Jeremy shut his eyes as she raised her boot and the sound mixed with the blaring bass. Michael groaned and held his sides, trying to catch his breath. 

_ SQUIP: You can stop this, Jeremy. _

“Jeremy~” Jenna called. “Hiding behind the curtain like the little scaredy-ca--” She paused, a jolt went through her. “Like the pathetic fairy you are. You don’t want your friend to get hurt anymore do you?”    
_ SQUIP: You can stop her from hurting him, Jeremy. _

“Looks like Jeremy doesn’t care about you,” The Squipped teens all said in unison. A sad and cold chorus of distorted voices.

_ SQUIP: Or, if you want him to get hurt, you can stay right here. I’m fine with you not doing anything. Everyone knows you’re here. Wait a few more minutes and I can have everything ready for you to fully enjoy life. _

The air grew cold as Jeremy darted from his spot and onto the stage. For once, everything was quiet, as if the chill in the air froze everything. “Micha--” Jeremy started toward his friend, then felt his whole body lock up. 

_ SQUIP: I’m warning you, Jeremy.  _

The drug blasted the teenager with shocks that made him fall. Curling into himself.   
The grey figure of the Squip appeared at the teenagers crumpled up form. “You don’t want to do that Jeremy. It won’t help you in the end.  _ I  _ can help you!!”   
“How--How is this helping me…” Jeremy repeated the question that was asked of him weeks ago. He forced himself onto his arms and knees. “H--how is shocking m-me… For e-everythi-ing I d-d-do… How does that help?!” Jeremy glared at the drug. The drug glared back. 

“It was to improve your life, to improve your peers--” The Squip’s own voice distorted as it disappeared. 

It screamed at him, like nails on glass, when it returned to his brain.   
_ SQUIP: BECAUSE WITHOUT MY HELP _ _   
_ _ SQUIP: YOU’D NEVER BE _

_ SQUIP: WITH HER _

Suddenly, all the lights went out.

Then, a single one. Trained right on center stage.

Trained right on Christine.

“Jeremy…” Her voice was radiant. Like a dream. She made her way over to the teenager. “Is this what it’s been like for you?” Her voice held the same forced happiness.   
“Yeah… This is what it’s been like.” Jeremy swallowed the bile that was running up his throat.  _ She’s happy. At least that’s good. _ __   
“This--This freedom! From everything… This overwhelming feeling of confidence! Oh, Jeremy why didn’t you let us know about the Squip earlier!” His eyes did tricks on him again, his vision was a haze of sparkles that blocked out everything but Christine.   
Jeremy’s heart sank at her words. “No, no Christine. It’s not like that… __ It’s  lying to you.” He felt like his body had been thrown once more, a weightless feeling that would only result in a sickening crash.

“Jeremy, why would something that makes me feel amazing… Why would it lie to me?” Her hands laced into Jeremy’s and she pulled him up to his feet.    
“Because this isn’t you!!”   
A shadow of a doubt grew on her face.    
Jeremy continued, “You’re outgoing, and kind, and you don’t need a Squip to tell you what to do! No one does! Cause--Cause it lies to you! It lied to me…”   
_ SQUIP: Jeremy, I can assure you! This is Cristine!! Just all of the things she hates about herself, all the things that she doubts about herself, it’s all gone! _   
“Jeremy,” Christine smiled at him. “I feel… I feel so brave and safe right now. I never want this to end! It’s exactly like play rehearsal! I know what to say and what to do! And--and it’s all focused on you--” She sighed, “I love you, Jeremy! _ ” _

_ SQUIP: When you got me, all you wanted was her.  _ _   
_ _ SQUIP: Now you can have her. _

_ SQUIP: Just… Seal the deal. _

“Don’t you have something that you want to say to me?” She cocked her head as she asked the question. Her soft brown eyes were gone, replaced with the glowing cold blue. 

“Sh--She’ll do whatever I want…” Jeremy muttered as he looked at her. A few months ago, he would have been excited about this, but now… 

_ SQUIP: That’s what I promised you.  _

The teenager let out a stammered sigh, a twitchy smile quickly appeared and faded on his lips. “Great…” He choked out. 

In a quick motion, Jeremy let Christine’s hands fall. He made his way over to Michael.

“...kiss me...” Jeremy breathed before closing his eyes and placing his lips on Michael’s. 

_ SQUIP: Wai… _

His lips. Michael’s lips. They were warm and gentle. A small smirk formed as he softened into the kiss.

Before Jeremy felt the world crash down, before he felt the Squips claws drag him back. Screeching words and slurs at Jeremy, before Jeremy broke the kiss and his body went into another seizure like state.   
Before, for a brief moment, he gained control again. He was in Michael’s arms, muttering his name so only he could hear. Reaching toward him, then falling unconscious.

Before all that, Jeremy thought…

_ I want this to last… _

 

***

 

Jeremy gasped for air as he woke up, heart pounding in his ears as he clenched at the bedding.    
_ Wait… _   
He swallowed, and looked at his surroundings. A bedroom,  _ his  _ bedroom. A blue covered room, with a bit of a cloudy sky peeking in through the window.

“Hello…?” He spoke, his voice was gone, dried out. There was no answer.

As he pulled his legs up, becoming a ball in his blankets, he felt something on his shoulders. He felt it slip ever so slightly. His hand went to retrieve it, and it lingered on the red fabric as his eyes saw it.

Everything came back to him. It weighed him down, it suffocated him. He took the unzipped hoodie that was draped over his shoulders. He held it close to his chest.    
And he cried.

There were no shocks.

There was no voice.

Just Jeremy.    
Clutching the hoodie of his best friend--the boy he loved.   
And crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer then I wanted it to; it needed to be perfect though.  
> I've had this idea for the play for a while. It's been a running theme for what the Squip represents and it all comes together here in this big realization.   
> How 'bout that boot, though? Ahaha.  
> Thanks, again, to Popurikat. You're comments and critiques are always so good.   
> For now, me and Jeremy need to rest.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
> 
> \--SKQuill


	17. Bonus: Recovery; Cecily Smith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael visits Jeremy and they talk about the incident with the Squip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd give Rich six stars if I could.   
> I also just wanted Jeremy to wear the cutest outfit.  
> Based on the song Cecily Smith by Will Connolly, cause that song is so cute.  
> Next chapter is the last.

 

A light snowfall meet the already frozen-topped earth. A Friday after school. 

Every exhale brought steam. A cold January.

“How are you able to wear that?” Michael asked Rich as they stood on the porch. The burned boy was in a regular pair of jeans and a simple long sleeved shirt. His skin healed very slowly. It would take years for it to fully heal. “Aren’t you cold?”   
Rich laughed, “Nope. I-I can’t feel it… The cold. I can’t feel it.” He licked his lips. “The same thing happened when I set the fire. It was, like a delayed reaction. For a moment, I couldn’t feel the pain.” Rich didn’t meet Michael’s eyes as he spoke. 

“Jake said the same thing…” Michael put in, as he knocked on the door lightly. 

Rich smiled. “Yeah, he-he told me. Kinda scary honestly.”

“You’re shivering.” The taller boy noted looking over the burned boy. 

“I-I can’t… Feel it.”

The door opened slowly, quietly. The two boys smiled, greeting the teenager at the door.

Michael’s heart ached every time.

He looked paler than usual, with darker circles under his eyes. Michael could see the small rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed. 

“Welp,” Rich cleared his throat, clapping his hands together. “Much like the last time this happened, I’m just being the driver, escorting Michael from school…” he patted Michael on the arm. “Rate me so I can get money, and pay hospitals bills… Please give me five stars.” Rich laughed, stepping off the small porch. “Don’t get too crazy, you lovebirds--   
“Don’t call us---” Michael was cut off by the quick roar of Rich’s car.

“Sorry!! I can’t hear you over the sound of the engine!!’ Rich lied, not hiding the smile. He drummed on the steering wheel as he backed out. 

Michael flipped him off and turned back to see a small smile on Jeremy’s lips.

“It’s good to see you…” Jeremy spoke softly as he stepped aside to let Michael in. 

 

Jeremy sat across from Michael at the small kitchen table, his legs were up on the seat--he was curled into a ball as if the floor was lava. He looked like he’d just gotten out of bed. His hair was tussled and sticking out in weird angle. He wore a white shirt and blue flannel sweatpants. Papers were scattered across the table, homework and note packets. 

“How’s homeschooling going?” Michael asked, he scanned over the half finished math homework that was near him.

“It’s… Odd.” Jeremy said, he reached over and grabbed the worksheet, collecting the masses of papers and neatly stacking them to the side. “It’s like, remember when we were kids, and it was so weird to see a teacher outside of school?”   
“Yeah.”   
“It’s like that. It’s weird having a teacher in your house. Plus, I have to lie to them all about why I’m getting homeschooled so…” Jeremy shrugged. 

“It’s a compromise.” Michael put in, shrugging away the statement.  “How are you doing anyway? What  _ do  _ you tell them?”

Jeremy yawned. “I tell them that, my anxiety got too bad, and I can’t deal being in school...Which, yeah that’s part of it, but it sucks because I feel like they’re all disappointed in me.” Jeremy curled more into himself.    
“No one is disappointed in you.” Michael reassured, and watched as Jeremy blinked rapidly for a moment. “Is it giving you trouble again?”

“It doesn’t shut up.” Jeremy confessed. “I mean, like, I have--like chronic migraines now because of it. That’s what I tell people… That’s the truth. I get tired out so easily, and sleep too much--”   
“--You’re recovering--”   
“--And people probably think I’m a freak because I left school.” Jeremy jumped at his own raised tone. He lowered his legs and scooted forward, resting his arms on the table. “Sorry…”   
“It’s okay.” Michael gave him a smile. The tension that Jeremy had evaporated with a few deep breaths.

“How’s everyone doing?” Jeremy spoke once he was comfortable. “Do any of them have as bad of a time now?”

Michael shook his head. “No, they’re Squips are all gone. The only one who really had damage of any kind was Jake, cause, well, his legs.” 

Jeremy nodded. “How--What happened after… After we…” A small red blush appeared on his pale skin.

Michael scoffed, he suddenly couldn’t meet Jeremy's gaze. His heart was in his ears. 

“I just… I just remember waking up in my room, is all!” Jeremy also avoided looking at him, he covered his mouth with his hand in embarrassment.

Michael couldn’t hide his smile. “What… What do you remember?” He laughed.

Jeremy’s face grew redder, this was the most color Michael had seen on him in a while.

Jeremy didn’t answer, but he did finally look at Michael, a smile on his lips. He bit his bottom lip. 

“Do-Do you need a refresher on what happened or…”

They both broke out in laughter while Jeremy shook his head and tried to hide his smile. 

“But, seriously… Do you remember anything that happened after that?” Michael took a breath and calmed himself. It was hard not to think about their kiss, since that seemed to be the one good thing out of the whole night. 

“The Squip, it yelled at me.” Jeremy started, his gaze went to the table. “Like, it usually does! But this time… It--it sounded so robotic, so broken.” His smile was gone, replaced with a quick twitch. “I felt it everywhere on my body, like it was trying to kill me. Suffocating me, pressing down on me.” He crossed his arms as a method of comfort, blue eyes meeting Michael again. “I was having a seizure right? Like, what you saw was a seizure?’   
Michael nodded. “Yeah, at that time, no one else was awake. It was just me.” 

“The next thing I remember is… being in your arms, trying to reach you. Calling your name.”

Michael remembered that as well. Jeremy’s eyes were dilated, his whole body was shaking. Michael kept telling him that things were going to be okay, he didn’t even know if Jeremy could hear or see him. 

Then they’re eyes met. Jeremy muttered Michael’s name, it was incomplete. He tried reaching out to touch him. Then fell unconscious.

“Then I woke up at home.” Jeremy finished.

“After you passed out, I was shaking you, trying to wake you up… Everyone woke up but you. They all, like, coughed up their Squips super calmly.” Michael filled in, “They all crowded over to you and I. Even Rich came running into the auditorium.”

Jeremy perked up at the name of the other Squipped teen. “Rich was at school?   
“Yeah, how do you think I got there, or how we got you home.”

Jeremy stifled a laugh and shrugged. 

“Have you seen Rich and Jake together?”   
Jeremy shook his head. “I’m guessing it’s adorable.”

“They’re so cute together.”

The two friends laughed.

“Rich ran right to Jake when he got to the stage.”

Jeremy smiled again, when he spoke another red blush crept on his cheeks. “You did the same thing, though.” 

Michael’s silence urged the teen to continue. 

“You-you appeared, got everyone’s attention, er, got the Squip’s and  _ my  _ attention.”

_ That’s all that mattered. _

“You saved me, Michael. I was trying to call you too. You came, and you saved me.” Jeremy brought his legs down from the chair. The air in the room was warm, it felt understanding and calm. 

“I could’ve kissed you when we were hiding…” The teenager confessed, it was a whisper--Like he didn’t know if he was meant to speak. 

“Can I ask you about that?” Michael’s eyes moved from the teenager to the table between them. “We keep running around what happened, I guess…” 

They were both quiet.

_ I sound like I’m interrogating him.  _ Michael took a breath and continued. “It’s just weird, going from fighting in a bathroom, telling you that-that I liked you… To kissing you.”

As Michael finished, Jeremy sat back in his chair, silent.  He looked deep in thought. When he spoke, his voice was soft and it deflated all the tension in the room. “That  _ is  _ really weird. I’m so sorry for…” his eyes shifted around the room, trying to find the words. “Having it… be weird.” He sighed out a laugh. “It was--it made sense in my head.” 

The taller teen quietly muttered out a small ‘oh my god…’ Jeremy gave him another reassuring smile, then shifted his body to look out the window.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” He asked, sniffling a bit.

Michael agreed.

 

***

The clouds were covering the sun from meeting the dirt muddied snow. Jeremy closed the door and took a brisk breath of air. “I can’t be out much ‘because of light sensitivity…but I wanted to get some fresh air.” He had changed out of what Michael thought were his pajamas and into jeans, with multiple layers under a brown coat with fleece on the inside. 

“Where do you want to walk?” Michael had stuffed his hands in his pockets as they descended down the steps. 

“Just around…” Jeremy answered quickly, then caught himself. Puffs of steam trailed behind every small breath. “Sorry, I want to just walk and talk about what happened.” Michael looked at the light grey mitten that were on his friend's hands. They match the scarf that was wrapped around him.  _ He looks so comfortable. _

“You sound like,” Michael exhaled as they exited the small front lawn. “You think I’m mad at you.” 

They walked in perfect sync beside one another. After a few silent breathes, Jeremy turned to Michael. The cold was quickly running against his cheeks. Turning them red.

“Sorry! I just… Shit… I don’t--I’m not… I--”

Michael put his arm around Jeremy and pulled him close. He could feel Jeremy tense up at the gesture. “I’m not mad.” Michael said calmly. “Just a bit confused. Happy, but confused.”

Jeremy sniffled, and took another breath. “Because… I mean, I’d be mad. But if anything, I’m mad at myself.” Jeremy leaned his head on Michael’s shoulder like old times. Michael had to stop himself from easily planting a kiss on his head to reassure him. “Like, the Squip  _ blocked  _ you from my mind. It-It made me completely forget about you! Then, when I could see you, remember who you were, I was always having a breakdown! And the one time I wasn’t,  _ the one time _ , I fall into a seizure-like coma.” Jeremy exhaled. “That just sounds like a shitty friend. And I definitely was a shitty friend during all this.”

Michael frowned and thought for a moment before speaking. “I told you why I wanted you to take the Squip, remember that?”   
Jeremy nodded. “You wanted me to see how much of a good person I am.” 

“And, like in the bathroom, I’m clearly willing to do anything to help you.” Michael joked.

“Jenna Rolan beat you up.” Jeremy stated. A small giggle escaping his lips. 

“ _ Clearly, _ I’m a pretty awesome best friend.” 

They both smirked and erupted into laughter. 

“I just feel like I don’t deserve to be called… well, anything that has to do with you. I feel like, what I did was just so horrible.”

“Well, we can un-deserve each other together.”

Jeremy’s breathy laugh was a joy to hear again. “I don’t think that’s a word. That sounds like something Rich would say. I think you're spending too much time with him.”

“I gravitate toward people who swallow computers under the impression that they’ll be cool.” 

Jeremy stuck a bit of his tongue out at his friend, and threw up a middle finger for added effect.

“He helped me realize that I liked you.” Jeremy caught himself after the words escaped him. They kept walk even though they shared the same flustered state. 

“Did he now?” Michael’s voice cracked as he spoke, trying to remain calm. He glanced at Jeremy, who lifted his head from Michaels shoulder and was trying to hide his blush in his scarf. 

“It-it was more like, he was telling me how  _ he  _ got his Squip out. I was a wreck at the time, so I kept repeating what I said--asking the same questions over and over.” Jeremy stopped trying to burry his red cheeks in the fabric. “I just gradually pieced it together, the reasons why my Squip hated you, hated me, hated…” This time, Jeremy stopped walking. He froze up like he was holding back saying something.

_ Is the Squip trying to stop him? Is that why he has so much more word fumbles?  _

Jeremy took a breath and finally finished, in a word vomit. “Why my Squip hated me for realizing that I liked you, or just hated the idea that I--”

Jeremy went into another ramble, skirting around what he wanted to say by making the statement longer.  _ The Squip is definitely interfering… _

“In the bathroom,” Michael repeated over the teens rambling. “I told you that I was in love with you.” Michael couldn’t help but smile at the memory, even though in the moment it was awful. Seeing Jeremy now, though an adorable rambling mess, made the event seem so long ago. “When we kissed, god… Jeremy, I wanted to keep kissing you! You’re so... “ Michael stifled a laugh as he tried to find words.

_ Who’s getting tongue tied now.  _

“You’re so incredible and caring. My days--I feel like I can do anything knowing that you have my back. I love how when you get excited or nervous, you  _ can’t  _ not move. You get so fidgety and start to use your hands in the cutest way.” The blush was rising on Michaels cheeks. He was so focused on his own word vomit that he didn’t notice Jeremy falling silent. “You’re laugh… I could listen to it for hours, it’s so calming and genuine. I could list  _ everything  _ I like about you! I just--” Michael felt like he was on fire, he’d repeated this same confession so many times now and everytime it just stocks the burning feeling in him. The feeling of getting happy and feeling calmed just from being near someone. From being close to Jeremy. “I want to keep kissing you, hold your hand, cuddle, play video games! Look at me, now I’m rambling! You could stop me any time Jer--”

They’re eyes met. Soft brown saw blue. 

The cold had turned their cheeks a rosy color. The blushing state made the cold seem to not exist. This was the first time Michael saw the red of his hoodie poking out from under Jeremy’s coat. 

A silence of not knowing what else to say. 

Jeremy shook his head in a quick manner, blinking a bit before scanning the area. Looking at the dirty snow, and bare trees before landing on Michael. A fond smile on his lips. A loving smile. “I really liked it…” He muttered, he bit his bottom lip. His eyes seemed to sparkle. “I really liked kissing you…” He said it in an almost shy manner. “And, it’s nice--great knowing that you-you care about me that much.”

He looked so tired, the peeking sun brought out the dark circles under his eyes. 

“The Squip,” he continued. Michael forgot that his arm was still perched across Jeremy’s shoulder. “It always forced me onto other people, so I--I don’t know…” He trailed off as Michael pulled him close, planting a kiss on his smiling, dorky lips. 

_ I get to kiss you this time.  _

The sun was beaming down, finally hitting the two teens and the dirty snow. Michael moved his arm from Jeremy’s shoulders, moving it so his hands were gently cupping the teens face, cold thumbs tracing over Jeremy’s cheeks.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late! But here it is!!!  
> i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it!!  
> \--SKQuill


	18. Voices in My Head/Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll be fine.

The car was sitting idly in the parking lot. The two that sat there watched as vehicles drove past and parked. Teachers getting out and walking to the entrance with coffee in hand before the students came. Some teachers came with mugs from home, Jeremy watched as the steam from the cup blew in the cold February air.

“You know, we--you don’t have to go back today!” The father said, he was dressed to head off to work, complete with a briefcase that was resting on the seat behind him. “We can always extend your homeschooling till-till you're completely better…” There was a hint of sadness in his father’s voice.    
_ He knows that I won’t ever be better. _ Jeremy gave him a smile. The small motion of turning to face his father caused the world to spin. “No, no. I’d rather go back now. I don’t want to miss anything big.” Jeremy’s voice was quiet. The car’s AC was blasting hot air, making him more tired than he already was.   
The father sighed, then nodded. Accepting his child's decision. “Do you have all your paperwork?”   
Jeremy reached for his backpack and took out a blue folder, the contents being medical forms of various degrees and colors. “Yup.”   
“You can always call me at work, if you start to feel bad… I can come pick you up.” 

“Yeah.” Jeremy said it quietly. His weakened voice and occasionally blurred vision didn’t help reassure his dad. He rubbed his eyes to move the blotches away. Then blinked at the static that came after. “Thanks…” 

They sat in silence for a bit longer. Some yellow buses arrived and dispensed kids who were getting ready for another week of high school. Jeremy swallowed the tightness in his chest, pushing down the thought of backing out.   
“You ready?” The father asked. He looked over his child once more. A fond, prideful smile was hidden in his beard. It was tinged with sadness. 

“As I’ll ever be.” Jeremy responded. He zipped up his bag, unbuckling himself and turning to the door. 

The sky was cloudy, with dark patches indicating a coming snowfall. Jeremy again blinked away the dots around his vision. His hand tightened around the door. 

“I was thinking… what do you think of the name ‘Miah’?” The father asked once the door was open, a brisk cold chill mixed with the warmth of the car. Jeremy furrowed his brow, stepping out of the car. Backpack over his shoulder. Grey wool mittens tightened around the straps. “Like, as a name!” His father clarified.   
The teenager breathed out steam, “What’s that have--”   
“Well, your full name is Jeremiah. I was thinking, for a name, if-if you wanted to--If this whole uh…” His father fumbled at the words to say.

“C-can we talk about that later? I’m not-I’m not against it, Dad… Just,” Jeremy shivered in the cold.    
“One thing at a time.” His father finished the sentence for him, a mantra that would be uttered throughout the day.”

“Yeah.” 

They exchanged a wave as Jeremy watched the car drive away. 

Jeremy took a few deep breathes before he started walking to the entrance of school. More busses came and dropped off kids. Jeremy tried to focus his gaze on the cold ground. His head was already starting to pulse from all the noise, and he wasn’t even in the building yet.

The voices of students, multiple conversations and footsteps--they all sounded like static as Jeremy pushed his way through the cold doors. Again his vision blurred, distorting people from his view, nearly causing him to run into them.

“Sorry!” He muttered as his shoulder bumped someone who was a mess of static.

_ Stop. _

“Jeremy?” A voice said. Jeremy stopped and tried to locate it through the disappearing crowd. She appeared in front of him when her hands slapped his shoulders. “I thought you were dead, dude!” Jenna Rolan had a big smile on. 

“Oh, hey…” Jeremy had trouble focusing on her even though she was so close to him. 

“Dude, I gotta tell ya, the play. We bombed it. Like, it went up in flames!” She took out her phone and the brightness lit up her face. 

“It’s okay though-- Hold on…” She moved to be next to Jeremy, positioning her phone so the screen was in clear view. The camera was on. Jeremy tried his best to smile. The brightness hurt his eyes. She quickly typed a message and then looked back at Jeremy. “Anyway, everyone should know that you’re here today. As for the play, mr. Reyes is trying to come up with something.” She leaned over and showed Jeremy her bright phone screen.

A group chat was open, Jeremy couldn’t catch the name. The recently taken photo was plastered on the wall. The caption, in all caps reading: GUESS WHOS BACK BITCHES. 

The tightness in his chest returned. “Jenna,” He muttered. When he looked at her there was static. “I have to hand in some medical forms, but do you know where everyone is?”   
He could hear her voice. “Why do you assume I wouldn’t.” She laughed. He felt her hand on his arm. “I’m meeting up with Chloe and Brooke now.”

Through the static he could see her walking ahead of him, pulling him along. His head kept growing more and more fuzzy as they went deeper into the school. His eyes were covered in splotches of white. 

_ Stop. _

_ SSSSsssq--- _

Even his brain was a mess.

The halls started to spin. “Jenna… I really--” He tried to get out. He couldn’t even feel Jenna's hand gripping him anymore.

He tried to search for people in the distorting halls, but they kept reappearing and vanishing before he could make any contact. 

_ \---IPppp: --DIssssgus-- _

_ Stop!  _

Jeremy felt like he was going to be sick. 

He felt like he was underwater. Everything was blurring. Everyone sounded muffled.

He felt a hand grip his arm, it was gentle. The voice was too muffled to distinguish. 

The voices and chaos of the halls disappeared after a moment. 

He found himself outside again. The world was cold and slowing down.

The sun was standing next to him. He tried to focus on her.

“You keep surprising me.” Brooke said. “I didn’t think our first meeting after you got back would be with you nearly passing out.” Her voice was gentle. Jeremy could make out a smile on her lips.

“Sorry…” Was all he could say, as he swallowed whatever was climbing up his throat. He looked out at the cold earth. His body was on fire.

She waved away the apology. “We can go back inside when you feel better.” 

Jeremy opened his mouth to apologize once again, but she stopped him with a small hush.

“It’s good to have you back.” She soothed and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. “We were all were super worried about you.”

Jeremy felt tears leak out from his blue eyes. Falling on her head. If she was the sun, he was a rain cloud. A storm that wasn’t ending anytime soon. He started to lower himself to the cold stairs, crying and trying to wipe away his tears. Coughing out apologies.

The sun sat next to him, rubbing his back as he sobbed and coughed. A hot vague pain was traveling down his spine.

The cold made his tears dry faster, the sharp intake of air calmed him down. He was reduced to shaking from the drained state, and from the cold.

“Maybe Dad was right…” Jeremy muttered. “Maybe I should have just stayed home. Class hasn’t even begun and I’m already having attacks.”

He felt Brookes hand on his back. 

Jeremy took a few breaths to steady himself, then turned to her. “Hey, do you think… Like, if-if things didn’t happen like they did… Do you think we still would have known each other?” He asked as he looked at her.

She still had the same yellow sweater on, it was over her coat. Her hair was different though. It wasn’t long anymore, a short messy bob cut. When she exhaled steam appear. “I like to think that we would have met somehow.” He started. “But, I think we wouldn’t have really gotten to know each other if this drug thing didn’t happen.”

“We met in a weird way though… The Squip--The drug made everything weird.”

She smiled, attempted to tell a joke. “Are you saying it’s not normal to spontaneously breakdown about the death of an awful rapper, then make out with someone?”

Jeremy didn’t get the joke. “Yeah... “ He did exhale a laugh though, “That’s like, the worst way to actually meet someone. Ever. I mean, yeah, we met at the mall, and mall trips are always anxious for me, but like… The drug made me start crying, it made me kiss you, it just… I have this constant fear now, that like, no one likes me-er, no one likes who I actually am. I don’t see how you guys are all so chill about the fact that I took a drug, and had you all take it.”

Brooke rested her head on his arm. “Honestly, if we met at the mall that day. And you hadn’t taken the drug, if you walked in the store and got that shirt, and explained why… I think I still would want to get to know you.”

“Really?” The teen sighed.

“Yeah. I mean, huh… meeting you, getting to know you. It’s been almost eye-opening for me, being with you made me remember things that I was scared to confront.”

Jeremy tensed as she said that, he felt like he was thrown back to the incident a few months ago. Suddenly, he was standing on the cat walk with Brooke and Chloe blocking him.

“Can I ask you something?” She started, her voice brought the teenager back.

He simply nodded.

“Just, the first time we were here. We kissed--that sure was a thing. I just feel like, in that moment I wasn’t kissing you--No. I  _ was _ kissing you. It just… It didn’t feel like I was kissing a guy.” She lifted her head and looked at him. “Like i felt like I was kissing a girl. Does that make sense?”

Jeremy let out another breathy laugh as Brooke continued.

“I even asked Chloe, since everything that happened at the party. She said the same thing.”

The Squipped conversation that the two had on the catwalk made more sense. Hidden feelings and fears.

“So, I guess I want to know…” She still had the smile that Jeremy loved. “Does that make me a lesbian? Like, from getting to know you. You’re--You don’t…”

“I’m not a guy.”

“No. You sure aren’t. You just pretended to be.”

They both shivered and laughed in the cold air. 

“Maybe I’m still pretending…” Jeremy muttered. “As for your question on you being a lesbian. I don’t know. Just because, right now… I’m just figuring myself out after months of being told that everything I’m doing is wrong. I’m just, trying to get back to where I was before all this.”

Brooke nodded. “What do you like about girls?”

“They’re clothes.” Jeremy answered at once. “Like, if I was put in a room that had all types of clothing. I’d go straight for the feminine clothes. I never felt comfortable wearing ‘guy clothes’.” Jeremy put his hands up and made air quotes. “I’m just very far from what people think I am. The drug, it tried to make me something I’m not. I felt uncomfortable and scared, even more than I usually do, when it was telling me that like, everyone hates how I am.”

Brooke got up and patted off the dirt from her leggings. She extended a hand to Jeremy. “No one hates you.” She reassured. “We all want you to be okay, and we all want you to be comfortable.” Jeremy took it and she helped him up. 

“What happened with your hair by the way?” He asked as he opened the doors and they walked into vacant halls. 

“Oh! Yeah,” Brooke touched the now short hair, running a hand through it. “I read that like, a symbol of change is cutting hair. So… I wanted to cut it as a way of changing.”

“I like it.” Jeremy whispers.The sun shyly smiled, looking down at the tiled floor.

She mumbled a small ‘thanks’ as Jeremy took off his coat. The building AC around the halls was quickly heating up the two. 

“You off to class?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah… I have to hand in these medical forms first though.” Jeremy shrugged his backpack on. “They basically say, that I might have the tendency to pass out randomly while in class.” 

She laughed. Her eyes looked over Jeremy’s clothes. She pointed a finger at the red hoodie. “Heeey, I haven’t seen that in a while!” Jeremy had to double take at what she was referencing.

He expected to hear a voice in his head, and pain transmit through his body. All he got was static. “Oh, geez… Yeah, I have to give it back to Michael.”

Brooke’s smile was wide. “If you have to give it back to him, why are you wearing it?”

Jeremy opened his mouth to retort, but all that came out was an exhaled “It’s a comfort thing… I feel safe, and comfortable in it.” Jeremy couldn’t meet her eyes as he spoke, he covered his mouth as a blush rose on his cheeks. “It’s weird--”

“No! No! It’s not weird! Why do you think…” She raised her arms, beaming. “Why do you think I wear this everyday!” She giggled. “Cause it’s comfy and I feel safe in it.”

“Same comfort item…” Jeremy muttered.

“Same comfort item.” Brooke responded.

 

***

 

The side chatter of students in the quiet room made what they were saying more vocal. Jeremy focused on the white tiled floor and the notes on the board.

“It’s good to have you back, Jeremy.” 

Jeremy returned the smile to his English teacher. 

“We moved seats around, but from your condition, from what I’ve seen…” Mr. Smith looked at the desks, at the whispering students. He rubbed his eyes together. “Sunlight is not good for you.”

“I can sit in the back.” The teenager mumbled. 

‘I’m thinking about your health is all. You’re going to need accommodations.” The way the teacher said it drew a stake through Jeremy. 

His brain started to make things fuzzy. A low growl creaked.

_ SSSsssspppuiiiippppp:::::: _

_ Please, go away. _

_ :::Idddiot. _

_ :ttt errrrrrrribbble _

Jeremy took a deep breath, and as the dots around his eyes started to appear he quickly took a seat in the second row closest to the door; away from the sun and in the middle of the chatter.

He drowned himself in the mundane task of taking notes, and the painful feeling in his chest disappeared as he slowly realized he was ahead in the reading. A glowing small feeling of pride welled up within him. 

“Alright, that ends class for today,  _ please  _ read the next few chapters.” Mr. Smith practically pleaded. “Even if it’s boring! You’re going to have a quiz on this next week…” 

The single beep of the bell drowned out his last remaining words. Jeremy was the last to leave the class. 

“So, how was that?” The teacher said as Jeremy was zipping up his bag. 

“What?” The teenager raised an eyebrow. 

“First class!” Mr. Smith explained. “First time back in a bit, just wanted to know how it was.”

“Oh, it-it was good.” Jeremy slung his bag on his shoulder. 

Mr. Smith was one of the teachers that visited to school Jeremy. They sat at the kitchen table and went over things in class. “I’m kind of just gauging it on like, if I faint or something!” Jeremy confessed, then realized what he said. “I’m--I’m gonna be fine though. Today was fine, this first class was fine!” He waved his arms to try to reassure the teacher. 

Mr. Smith simply smiled. “Get to class.” 

 

Jeremy turned away from the teacher and left the room, feeling the sudden explosion of noise as he walked the halls. “Focus on getting to class… Just focus on getting to class…” He muttered to himself as the floor around him started to melt. “Focus on--”

His face met the back of someone’s jacket.

“Alright I know I’m slow now with my legs but--” Jeremy backed away as the person spoke. Out of the melting room, Jake was the only thing that was clear. “ _ Dude!! _ ” He smiled ear to ear and wrapped his arms around Jeremy.

“Hey, hi… Hello.” Jeremy felt his shoes not touching the ground. “Jake… I know you’re--you’re happy to see me. But I can’t really…” Jeremy stammered.

“Crap, sorry!” Jake put him down and stopped squeezing his weak body. “Jenna sent a text out saying that you were here. I didn’t think I’d run into you.” Jake tugged Jeremy to the side of the hall so students could get past. 

“I didn’t think I’d literally walk into you, either.” Jeremy spoke as he rubbed his eyes to clear away the dots. Jake laughed at the joke.

“How’ve you been?” Jake cocked his head when he asked the question. 

_ Christine does that.  _

“Getting by. I nearly passed out when I got here.” The teenager explained and sighed. “I don’t know if I’ll make it to the the end of the day.” In the short time it took to get to class, the crowds of kids never seemed to dissipate. Jeremy started to walk again, sticking to the side of the hall. Jake walked with him. He was a bit slower than the average crowd of kids and because of that, the two teenagers were at the same sickly slow pace. “Every time I walk in the halls, I feel like I'm gonna pass out.” 

Jake nodded. “Do you have a note detailing the stuff you need? Like the help?” 

“Yeah.” Jeremy hated admitting it, even though he had months to get used to it and to think of a response. “I don’t want it to define me, or make me feel like I need to have my hand held.”

Jake shrugged. “Eh. I got one when I went off my crutches. No one treats you differently as long as you don’t let it take over your life. Start making up excuses for it. Saying stuff like,” He cleared his throat and went into a different register. “I can’t hold a pencil because my legs don’t work like they used to.” He put a hand on Jeremy’s head, tussling his hair. “Just try your hardest, honestly. Try your hardest and don’t overwork yourself.”

Jeremy couldn’t help but smile at his words. “Are your legs doing better?” The teen questioned when Jake’s hand dropped. 

He shrugged. “I’m not in a wheelchair or on crutches.” When he smiled, a bit of his tongue showed through his teeth. “From the play thing, that was what gave me this limp.” 

Jeremy’s own smile disappeared and again, he was brought back to that night. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Jake stopped him with a kind look.

“I basically fucked up my knees when I… Did whatever I did that night. It’s kinda fuzzy, I get like, flashes of it sometimes.” 

“Yeah, me too.” Was all Jeremy could say.

“We all do, by the way. We all get those flashes. Mr. Reyes too. He got questioned by the police about if he gave us ecstasy or something.”

“Is he okay?!” Jeremy blurted. “Did I get him fired!!” Jake jumped at his sudden raised voice.

“He’s okay! No one got in any legal trouble. Everyone is fine.” He spoke softly and slowly. “It’s the same thing with what happened at my house--with the fire. Everything worked out. Everyone is okay.” 

Suddenly Jake distorted once he said that. His figure was static and when Jeremy’s eyes looked over the crowds of students they were gone too. “Jake…” he muttered grabbing at the static figure in front of him..

_ sssSSPPPPP------:::: --Uuuu---C-C-C-LD--AAVV- _

“Get out of my head!” Jeremy screamed and shut his eyes. The metallic screams that appeared to surround him grew louder. 

“I’m right here, Jeremy.” Jake voiced, his arms around the teenagers shoulders. His voice was soft and reassuring. Jeremy shot his eyes open and was back to the crowded halls and bright lights. His heart was in his ears. Jake looked at the crowd of students. A glare in his eyes. “Take a picture, it will last longer.” He growled at all the bystanders that were frozen and whispering to each other. 

Jeremy didn’t want to look at anyone. “I can’t---I can’t do this today. I shouldn’t have come back today.” He mumbled. 

“I’m gonna say no to that.” Jake urged the teen to keep walking, one step at a time.

“Why? I clearly can’t go for too long without freaking out.” Jeremy rubbed his eyes.

“It’s your first day back, you’re gonna have some slip ups.” Jake reassured. “When we all came back to school we were all a mess. Like, collectively. What ever was in that drink, it messed us up for a bit.” The tall boy said. 

“How’d you all get over it?”

“Therapy theatre rehearsals.”Jake smiled again. “Mr. Reyes gave Capu--Christine the key to the theater so we all just started going and talking about what happened.” 

_ That’s actually a smart idea. _ “Can I come?”

“Uh, hell yeah.” Jake scoffed. “We started it because of  _ you! _ ”

Jeremy sniffled away any tears that were forming when Jake smiled at him.

“What’s your next class?” Jake asked when they turned the corner.

“History.”

“Good luck, I’m breaking off from here--I got media arts.” Jake pat Jeremy’s shoulder and started to turn away. “I’ll talk to you later!” He said from the wave of students. “Also I like the hoodie, you look good in it!” Jeremy felt another blush on his cheeks as Jake disappeared in the crowd. The teen was left flustered from the comment and still getting stared down by other people. He gripped the hood of the jacket and pulled it over his head, looking back down at his shoes as he shuffled the rest of the way to class. 

 

Jeremy put his bag down and slumped in his new seat. Loitering students hurried in at the sound of the bell. He rested his head on the hard back of the seat as his teacher looked over his papers. 

“You get a Get Out of Jail Free card today, Jeremy.” She said once she got to his desk. Jeremy lifted his head as the papers were set neatly on the wooden surface. “We have a test tomorrow…”

_ Crap. _

“Today is gonna be a study hall day.”

“Thanks.” Jeremy mumbled as he collected the papers, putting them away for his next class. His hands moved to get his notebook. During his time at home the notes were always pages of powerpoint slides, he took his time to hand write each bullet point that they had. 

As more kids came in, the teacher was just finishing writing up on the whiteboard that it was a free period. 

Some kids hissed out a ‘yes!’ before the groan of desks getting moved around made Jeremy’s ears ring. The class erupted into pocketed noise. The desks moved and groaned and students did what they wanted for the period. 

Jeremy looked through his notes the best he could. If he focused hard enough he could block out the constant static sound in his head and the voices of the students.

_ SSP-pPP-uIIIp’’’’;: FFFaiilllllrrrrue _

_ If you keep annoying me, I am going to fail. _

Jeremy scratched his head as he turned the page, from the corner of his eyes he noticed someone--two people--make their way over to him. One sat in front of the teen, the other behind. 

Chloe placed her elbow on Jeremy’s desk and rested her head on it. “Welcome back to the world of the living.” She purred.

Rich shook the back of Jeremy’s chair. “How come I get nearly expelled and you get off free, huh?” he laughed.

Jeremy looked up from his notes, with a sigh he closed his book and turned so his back was against the metal bat that connected the seat and the desk. He looked at both of them, already tired from the day and it was only second period.

“I didn’t know you guys were in my class.” Was all Jeremy said. 

“Neither did we,” Chloe said. “Then the fire happened, and the thing with play, and suddenly we all realized that a lot of our classes line up.”

“ _ We?”  _ Jeremy raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah dude, check it…” Rich reached into his pocket and took out his phone. Jeremy watched as the screen dimmed as the burned boy adjusted the settings. “See…” Jeremy leaned over and looked at the screen. It was open to a group text, called…

“Who named this The Squip Squad--A.K.A The Gay Briga(y)de?” Jeremy didn’t have to look at Rich to have his question answered, he could feel the odd pride radiating off his patchy skin, a playful smile on his lips. 

Jeremy noticed the picture from earlier was in the chat. 

“We used to have a class group chat, but after the incident we all kind of felt alone and isolated from everyone.” Chloe said. “So why not be alone together! Share the trauma! Hav--”

“Therapy theatre rehearsals.” Jeremy finished.

“Yeah...” Chloe had the faint trace of a smile. “So thanks for giving us all something to have in common.” She gently punched him in the shoulder. “It’s kinda nice though.”

Jeremy smiled as another wave of emotions hit him. Again, he was back on the catwalk. “Sorry about what happened at the party…” He mumbled to Chloe.

“What do you have to apologize for?” Rich asked, then caught himself. “I forgot that other stuff happened besides the fire.” He tried to laugh off any guilt he was feeling.

“You did a good thing though,” Chloe tapped her shoes together. “I was a drunk mess and  you were a drugged up mess…”

“I was drugged, technically for a few months.” 

“Yeah, so it’s  _ fine _ .” Chloe smoothed his thoughts. “Me and Brooke talked about it, about you--”

“You talked about me, that’s so sweet!” Rich cut her off and was met with her sending daggers at him with her eyes. He erupted in a small fit of giggles. 

Jeremy turned back to Chloe as she continued. “It’s probs not my place to ask, or invite myself along…” She tried to hide the awkward way of asking with a sigh and another tap of her shoes. “But if you ever want to go shopping, me and Brooke can totally help you out. Mix up your closet so it’s not just the color blue.”

“My coat isn’t blue, neither are my mittens or shoes.” Jeremy retorted.

“How long did you have that question planned out in your head, girl?” Rich laughed. “Tall-ass clearly has you beat, like, he’s even wearing his bfs hoo--”

A searing pain ripped through Jeremy’s back. “Rich!” The teen hissed, balling his fists. “ _ Shut up!” _ A high ringing came in Jeremy’s ears along with more yelling from the metallic voice. Jeremy had to curl into himself to stop the pain, move it so it wasn’t chasing his spine.

“Sorry,” Rich muttered. His face twisted like he was remembering the pain. 

“It’s… Not your fault.” Jeremy coughed as his episode cooled down. “I just don’t want anyone else to really know… I already get crap for thinking it. I don’t want to get bullied or anything.” 

“We’ll go after anyone that tries to hurt you.” Chloe said as Jeremy sat back up.  _ Is that supposed to be reassuring?  _

“How bad does it hurt?” Rich wondered out loud. “I know yours was different from mine. I only got a taste of yours when it synced that day in the hall, I got to really feel it at the party.” Rich did this thing, where he laughed when talking about hard subjects. “Is--Is it like that? Like every time you do something wrong, it’s like a small fire.”

“I have scars on my back from it shocking me. Looks like lightening.” Jeremy answered. “I have to be careful with certain things, cause I’ll get… like triggered if something happens. When I was at home, if I slipped onto my back I’d get sent into an attack.” Jeremy turned to Chloe, “I’d take you up on your offer, it’s just last time I tried to go shopping I blacked out and woke up curled in a ball with everyone looking at me--I was with my dad.” The teenager also tried to laugh at the tough subject. “I’m just trying to take everything one at a time right now.” Jeremy confessed.

The two gave him a kind, warm smile. 

“Speaking of Michael…” Rich started and began to tap at his phone. When he looked up, Jeremy could see that the screen of his phone was on the camera setting.

“No more pictures. Please.” Jeremy slumped in his chair. 

“But he’d really like to see  _ you!!”  _ Rich teased.

“He doesn’t talk in the group, I bet he doesn’t even know you're here today.” Chloe joined in.

“No.” Jeremy responded. “This is peer pressure.”

“There’s nothing pressuring about the love between two people…” Rich shook Jeremy’s shoulders.

“It  _ is _ when your trying to get me to talk.” Jeremy couldn’t hide the small blush and smile that was appearing on his face.

“Oh, so you’re admitting it!” Chloe raised an eyebrow, joining in on the conversation.

_ SSSSSSSSS;;;;;; _

“When have I denied it!” Jeremy retorted.

“What’s this ‘it’ you three are talking about?” The students froze and looked up at their teacher. She had her arms crossed and an eyebrow arched. “Jeremy I hope they’re not trying to get you to talk about your health. That’s confidential.” She sent a coldness toward Rich and Chloe that made them both shrivel up. 

“No, no! They weren’t trying to pry!” Jeremy reassured her. “They were just curious about something that happened before I left. Nothing serious.”

“You and Michael--” Jeremy glared at him the same way Jake glared at the kids in the hall. The burned boy was quiet.

“Again, nothing serious.” Jeremy repeated.

She looked over the two in a suspicious manner before turning around. “Ten minutes left of class; I don’t want to hear any of you complain tomorrow about not learning what’s on the test.” She said as she sat back at her desk.

The teenager took that indication to go back to looking at his notes. Rich and Chloe sat back in their chairs and waited for the bell to ring.

Jeremy could hear his phone vibrating in his back for the rest of the ten minutes.

 

***

Jeremy scrolled through the walls of conversation from the group.  _ Why did I give Rich my number… _ He turned his phone's notifications off for the rest of the day, and threw Rich the middle finger on his way out of class. 

“Love you too, Tall-ass!!” Rich shouted back as Jeremy entered the halls. 

The teenager navigated to his locker and managed to open it with no distortion or dots. As he rearranged his books, he rubbed his eyes and yawned. He forgot how tiring school was. Socializing and just being in the presence of hundreds of other kids wore the teenager down.

_ How did I manage when the Squip was active? _

He zipped up his bag and slung it over his shoulder; before closing it he noticed the colored post it notes that were hanging on the door. Notes from everyone that was involved in the incident, all wishing him well. 

Written in pen were small notes:

**You get the award for best in show!! - Christine.**

**Sorry this had to happen for us to become close. Let’s catch up when you get better - Brooke.**

**Tall-ass, more like gay ass!!! JK, miss you lots c: -Rich**

**You’re pretty cool, i guess. -Chloe (You’re probs the nicest person I know)**

**Meeting you, though it wasn’t really you, was rad. Let’s meet up again. - Jake**

The last one was a red post it note. From Michael, all it read was:

**You’re my Player Two.**

Jeremy smiled and closed the door to his locker. He took his phone out, and ignoring all texts from Rich, he scrolled through his contacts and landed on one name that for the last few months wasn’t visible. 

He held it up to his ear, and waited for the ringing to start. 

_ He’s not gonna pick up.  _

Jeremy leaned against his locker as the phone on the other end continued to ring. 

It went silent for a moment, then right to voicemail. 

_ Knew it.  _

Once the beep of the phone came through, Jeremy spoke. “Hey, Michael. It’s me. Jeremy. I was--I’ve been wondering how your day is going. I know we usually text, but ‘cause of my eyes… Well, you know why.” The teenager stammered. “I’ve been meeting everyone so far today. You’re, like, the only one I haven’t seen.” Jeremy started to walk to his next class. “If you want to meet during lunch, I most likely won-won’t be in the cafeteria. Too much noise…” Jeremy felt a lot of eyes on him as he spoke. He never liked making phone calls, and his migraines made texting hard. “Everyone’s talking about you--er, not… fuhh..”  Jeremy cleared his throat. “ _ Play.  _ Everyone is talking about play practice after school. I was wondering if you’d be there.”

Jeremy walked passed one of the news bulletins, it was covered in cut out snowflakes. An old flyer from the production was on there, a big stamp was put on it that read ‘CANCELLED’.

“I haven’t seen you since you visited, I know school has been keeping everyone busy. Guess I’m needy and crave attention.” Jeremy laughed as he entered class. “Anyway…”

He set his stuff down and felt the hot pain go through his body as his ears became red. “I miss you, I’d be great to see you again. That’s all I’m trying to say.” He took the phone away from his ear and ended the call. Stuffing the device in his bag.

_ SSS:::::::IIIUUUUP:;;;; _

_ Stop trying to burn me. _

_ ppppPPP:::::; Jeeeerrremy--y--y-yy _

The pounding against his head was getting stronger.

“”:;:::::::::::: CCCKKKCCRISTIIIIIIIINEEeee

The room started to melt again, a familiar taste of bile was running up his throat. 

SSSSSsss---wqqqqqQ-PPPP: Were---WOrrrrthhhhlesssss.

“Stop.” Jeremy muttered and gripped at his desk. “Stop lying to me..” His vision blurred.

He could feel the drugs metallic screams as it berated him. 

_ SKWIPPP: You do--don’t wannt-t t-tto be stuckk-k with me-e. I can-can ki--lllll yo--u and get it over wi--with. _

_ SK--QuIP: You and I are both failures, Jeremy. I could get ri-id of you to ease both our p-pain. _

Jeremy felt his hand move up; his body trembled as he tried to get words out. 

Gargled voices in the melting room.

The screaming got more defined as the dots took over Jeremy’s eyesight.

He felt himself sway, and heard the distant noise of his body hit the cold tiled floor. 

The Squips voice came up as the distorted figure appeared. “I promised that you’d get  _ everything  _ you wanted--”

“Yeah, and all you did was  _ ruin  _ everything!” Jeremy talked back to it as the grey figure distorted and encircled him. 

“I was stopping yo--ou fr0m becoming even more of a prob-blem!” The drug shouted, it’s voice shook as it fizzled in and out.

“You tried to kill me!” Jeremy ran a hand through his hair, dropping in a quick motion. “You lied to people, hurt people, you forced me and other into situations--”

The Squip released a static chuckle “Trial and error, Jeremy. If you let me control you, y--”   
Jeremy shook his head. “No! Not happening. Never doing that again!”

“What about Christine?” The Squips voice was perfect when it spoke. No distortion. No static. “You still want her, right?” It raised on arched brow at the teenager.

Jeremy’s own brow furrowed. “She--She doesn’t… You said it yourself, she doesn’t want to be with anyone.”

“That’s because I wasn’t done forming  _ you _ into a man she  _ would  _ like.” The Squip’s soothed voice almost made all the distortion seem like it was played for dramatic effect.

Jeremy wasn’t going to fall for it. “Well, what if...I don’t want that? What if… What if you just were stopping me from being myself…” There was a hitch in the teenagers voice. “Now I can  _ be  _ myself--”

“And everyone will hate you for that!” The Squip shouted.

“That’s not true!” Jeremy felt like he was on the verge of tears. “Everyone--they’ve been nice sinc--”

“They’ve. Been. _ Lying!” _   
_ “You’re lying!”  _ Jeremy shouted over the Squip.

As his voice rang through, the drug ripped at him one last time. “If you do believe that, that  _ you  _ can ‘be yourself’,” The Squips grey hands formed air quotes around the word. “Then why am I still here?”

Jeremy hesitated. 

The Squip laughed.

“A part of you still  _ wishes  _ to be normal, to be accepted by your peers.”

“I--” Jeremy tried getting out but the Squip shut him down with a wave of it’s hand.

“You’re such a lost cause at this point, too. No one wants you the way you are now! And because you don’t want  _ my  _ help, I’m stuck with you, watching you make mistake after mistake, and you're stuck with me trying to make your constant fuck ups better!”   
Jeremy swallowed hard, and took a breath. “You made me forget about someone I cared about.” He started. “You made me forget how much Michael cares about me, and how much I care about him. You’ve lied to me… and I’m done with it, okay.” 

The Squips cold eyes met the tear filled eyes of Jeremy. 

“You’re still going to be stuck with me.”

“...And I can deal with that. I have people…” A small smile started to twitch on the teenagers lips. “People that care about me, and I care about them. You messed up a lot of stuff in my life, you ruined any chance I had of probably being successful, or feeling like I matter.” Jeremy licked his lips. “But because of you, I wouldn’t have reached out and grabbed the people that I know now. I don’t want them t’--” He swallowed as tears started to fall. “I want them to get to know  _ me _ . I want to get to know  _ all _ of them. Even--Even if what they see is different from what you tried to make me.”

The Squip started to distort out of view. Jeremy thought he heard a small chuckle from the metallic, voice.

When he opened his eyes, he was staring at the white ceiling of the nurse's office.

He felt numb, with streaks of cold tears down his face. He sat up and wiped the tears away.

“It’s good to see you back here, Jeremy.” The nurse laughed. “Not that it’s nice seeing you here when you're in shock.”

“How long was I out…” Jeremy mumbled as he sat up. The room spun slowly. 

“You missed some classes… Bell rang… six times, I think.

The teenagers head drooped. “Three classes?’

“Seems so.” The nurse shrugged, watching Jeremy get out of the small cot that was in the room. His legs were weak and he stumbled a bit after standing. “Don’t push yourself now. I don’t want to see you come here a second time for the day. Our record is once a day at most.”

“I’ll come by less and less as the year winds down.” Jeremy said as he grabbed his backpack. 

“You can come anytime, just don’t come in having panic attacks and seizures.” The nurse laughed, she was an old woman with a dark sense of humor. 

 

Jeremy exited the nurse's office and stepped into the empty hallways.

He paused as his eyes landed on the only person in the halls with him. She was hanging up posters, a roll of tape around her arm like a wrist band. Stripes of it were on her fingers. Her scarf made her black hair look like feathers. For a brief moment, the dots around his eyes were sparkles. He blinked them away; they weren’t good when seeing her anymore.

“H-hey, Christine!” He called to her even though they were the only two in the vacant hall. Jeremy took a few deep breathes as she noticed him. She smiled, her brown eyes were warm. 

_ Just walk up to her. And… Talk. _

His hands were shaking as he made his way over. 

“Hey…” He repeated once next to her. “Hey…”

“Yo…” She raised her arms in a greeting; giving a peace sign. It reminded Jeremy of when they first met. 

And they didn’t say anything after that. An awkward air quickly taking over as Jeremy shifted his gaze to try to come up with something. Sniffling to stop the silence. 

“Sorry… About…” He hesitated, waving his hand. “Everything.” He leaned against the wall and swallowed back any sobs or sigh he had. 

Christine copied him, leaning against the wall. In unison, they both sank to the floor. The two exchanged a look, smiles crinkling on their faces before breaking into a laugh.

“I’ve been a complete asshole to you, to everyone!” The teenager explained through the giggles.

Christine nodded as her laughs subsided. “Why’d you do it though? Take a drug like that.” 

“I wanted you to like me.” Jeremy admitted. “I had this crush on you. This big crush, and I didn’t even know you. I thought, that maybe I could… do this one thing--and maybe you--you would like me.” He sighed, he tried to smile. “I’m, uh, guessing it didn’t work.” 

As Christine shook her head, there was a small part of Jeremy that broke. A small part, an inkling of hope--disappearing even though it would have never worked. “When you took it, did you feel like all your problems could be solved? Like, it just gathered everything about yourself and put a blanket over it.” She wondered.

This time, Jeremy nodded. He watched as Christine laced her fingers together, gently placing them in her lap. He noticed two striped bracelets on her hand. The first being purple, black, grey, and white. The other being green with tones that shifted from dark to light, with grey and black.

“It made me forget about a part of myself. It told myself that… Everything would be solved if I was with you. It brought up this… connection, this feeling that I can’t--or just don’t feel for other people. It made me feel uncomfortable.”

Jeremy’s lips quivered as he tried to get out an apology. 

Christine spoke over him. “I don’t,” She hesitated, “like you… like  _ that _ , Jeremy.”

_ I know. _ He took a breath to release the sinking feeling that was trapped in him. 

“That drug, the-the Squip, it was making me say stuff that I didn’t actually mean--or feel.” There was a pang of sadness in Christine’s voice as she spoke, as if she could sense Jeremy’s own pain. “I guess, deep down, I just wanted things to be easy. Wish I could just… conform to something to make others happy!”

“Yeah,” Jeremy’s voice cracked as he spoke. “But, who wants life to be hard. Who doesn’t want a cheat code, or an easy way to get through life…” Jeremy took a deep breath. “Look, I know I… probably ruined the play, and almost destroyed the school… I  _ know _ that the last thing I deserve is another shot but, um…”

The static filled his ears, jumbling his thoughts and words. 

“Is it getting in the way again?” Christine’s voice was soft and reassuring. 

Jeremy nodded, he took another deep breath, a few blinks and looked back at her. “Do you just want to start over. J-just start over and… be-be friends?”

She pursed her lips in thought, Jeremy could see the gloss on them. Her gaze shifted away from Jeremy. “I think, I’d really like that. To be friends with you.”

The crushed feeling in Jeremy lifted, evolving, becoming lighter. 

A smile twitched on his lips. He bit his bottom lip as a sobbed escaped him. There were no tears this time. 

“Are you free now, wanna help me hang up posters?” Christine asked as they stood up, she did her best to pat the teenager on the back. 

“I’d like that…” Jeremy watched her brighten up, she took the roll of tape around her arm and started ripping stripes, placing them on Jeremy’s fingers. “Are you coming to play rehearsal today?” He asked as he wiggled the adhesives on his painted nails. He forgot he painted them the night before. It was therapeutic. They were blue 

“Of course!” She responded. “Nice nails by the way.” She said as she hung up another poster, taking two of the stripes off of Jeremy.

“Thanks, I just got them.” He joked, feeling light as he laughed.

 

***

 

“You can’t look, okay?” Brooke’s voice came from behind him, as she tied the blindfold around Jeremy’s eyes. 

“I’m putting  _ way _ too much trust in all of you.” Jeremy responded. He heard her hands drop. 

“We’ve been planning this for a bit.” She jabbed the blindfolded teen in his sides.  “So no peeks.” She finished. Jeremy could hear the smile on her face as the small pain subsided.

“How long should I wait?” Jeremy voiced as he heard her footsteps disappear from the stage. “Brooke?”

He heard whispering under the sound of static. Small hushed voices over white noise.

The Squips distorted voice burned against the darkness. 

_ They didn’t abandon me.  _

More silence from reality and distortion from the teenagers head.

The doors opened. A loud clunk in the quiet. 

Footsteps on the carpeted floor, then ascending up the side of the stage, then stopped in front of Jeremy. The teenager felt cold fingers brush against his ears and untie the blindfold. 

“Hope you don’t mind,” Michael started as Jeremy readjusted his vision. Michael quickly laced his hands together and held Jeremy close. “I wanted to see you,”

“Smooth…” Jeremy laughed and wiggled out of Michaels arm. “Why are your hands cold--” Once out, Michael tried to lunge at him. Pressing his cold hands to the teenagers cheeks. “I was waiting for my mom to drop something off.” He explained, gently holding Jeremy’s face. 

“All day?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow.

“No. It’s just super cold outside and I don’t wear gloves.” The taller boy tapped his forehead against Jeremy’s. “I got your voicemail by the way…”

Jeremy felt like there were butterflies in his stomach. 

“Did you miss me?” Michael teased.

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “I would have texted you, but…”

“No, it’s fine.” Michael stopped him from apologizing. “I missed you, too.” He added. He dropped his hands from the teenagers face, hesitantly taking Jeremy’s hand. “Is it narcissistic to say that you look really good in my hoodie?” 

Jeremy backed away, even more flustered. “Oh my god!” He looked down at the red hoodie and back at Michael. “I completely forgot I was wearing it…” Jeremy started to fiddle with the zipper. He was wearing a white and grey striped shirt underneath. “Sorry… I was gonna return it earlier, but never found the time an-and my health was bad--and--Then I just started wearing it a lot as a comfort item…” Jeremy rambled, as Michael took the hoodie from him. What stopped him from his word vomit was Michael's laugh and more footsteps.

“So, like, do we have to give you two a room or something?” Rich appeared behind the two. They jumped at his quick appearance. 

“All set up?” Michael asked, and Rich nodded then cleared the way and gestured toward backstage.

“After you!” He said in a fancy voice. 

Michael held Jeremy’s hand as they walked back. It was warm.

 

The orchestra room was cleared out once again, this time instead of a mess of costumes there was just a table. A tray of brownies and a few small gifts.

“Welcome back, Jeremy!” Everyone cheered. Shredded paper rained down on the teenager, courtesy of Jenna and Chloe standing on the chairs.

Jeremy stepped forward, he brushed the paper from his hair. His eyes fell on the group in front of him, and the feeling of his hand gently in Michaels.

He smiled. 

A light, hopeful feeling glowed in his chest. 

The static cleared and the dots disappeared. 

“Thanks…” He bit his lip. “Thank you… Everyone.”

He felt Michael’s arm around him, perched gently around his shoulder. “It’s my time to apologize. The reason I was so distant today was because I was planning this.”

“He’s been planning this for a while.” Chloe said as she got off the chair before taking a seat in in. “We all got you gifts and stuff.” 

“You didn’t need to do that…” Jeremy voiced, he lifted his head from Michael’s shoulder and looked at him, “Y-you really didn’t need to do that.”

Michael was about to speak, come up with a retort of some kind. Rich stopped him though, the burned boy slapped a hand on Jeremy’s back--sending shockwaves through him. It was the odd noise that Jeremy made that stopped Michael, the groan of pain and Jeremy’s quick collapse into a ball made the happy reunion disappear.

“Shit!” Rich said, after realizing what he did. “Oh god, I’m… So sorry.. Oh fuck. Did I just trigger you?” Jeremy’s body was shaking all over, his hand was was squeezing Michaels distorting body. Everyone was distorting.

_ SSSSppppppiiuuuppPPPPp: ALLLLllll dddddIIIIIIDD---guuuSTTTING _

_ Shut up! _ _  
_ “I-I’m fline…” Jeremy gasped out. 

“You’re as pale as a ghost.” Brooke said. The distortion stopped and Jeremy saw that everyone was sitting by him. Getting down to his level.

“Ju--Just... Let me breathe…” Jeremy got out. 

A moment passed. 

The static and metallic voice subsided. 

Jeremy held up a shaky thumbs up. “All good.” He declared, fatigue getting to him. “I don’t think I can stand much though.”

“I feel that.” Jake added. He stood up and started toward the table. “I gotcha ya, Jeremy. Don’t worry.” There were small plates to the side. He filled one with a brownie and grabbed a gift before coming back to the huddled group.

“What, no brownie for us?” Chloe said.

“You have working legs, get your own!” Jake responded and nodded toward the table. 

She repeated his phrase in a mocking voice as she stood up. 

“Seriously, you guys didn’t have to do this…” Jeremy said as Jake put the brownie and present in front of him. “I don’t deser--”

“--I’m gonna stop you there.” Michael cut the teenager off before placing a kiss on his cheek. 

_ Ssssskkkkkqqqppp:;;;:: iiii wwwillllii kelllli ihm _

Through Jeremy’s own rising blush, he could make out everyone’s cheers. Chloe was still at the table. Jeremy’s hand loosened it’s grip on Michael.

“Jake!” Rich started. “We gotta out do these two--”

“What are you talkin--” Jake was caught off guard entirely. 

“They are oozing cuteness!! Jake, we gotta--we gotta kiss.” 

“No.” Jake denied him, scooting a bit away from him in the process. “My affection is not a show.”

“Dude!” 

Jeremy laughed. “Are they always like this now?” He looked toward Brooke for an answer, she muttered a small ‘thank you; to Chloe as she was handed a brownie. 

“Kinda.... It’s funny, like a bad romantic comedy.” She answered. 

“So, sad in a funny way.” 

“Yeah… Exactly like that.” She took a bite of the brownie. “Better question is, what’s up with you two?” 

“I knew one of you was going to ask that…” Jeremy groaned.

Michael caught the atmosphere way too quickly. “Yeah, Jeremy. What  _ is  _ up with us?” 

His playful smile was adorable.

“We’re in the dark here. We just know that you two kissed--” Christine started.

“Made out!” Rich shouted over her. Before getting his mouth covered by Jake, he muttered a small ‘it’s time to stop now, babe. You’re way past your quota of reflex statements.’ 

The theater fan cleared her voice, “As I was saying… Michael won’t tell us anything. And your communication is bad because of your health.” She said it so lightly and kind.

Jeremy wanted to apologize again. “Uhhh,” He started. “Honestly… I have no idea.” He looked toward Michael. “I… Geez--It’s embarrassing saying it in front of everyone.”

The smile on Michael’s face was met with everyone cheering the teenager on.

“Say it!” Rich shouted, struggling to remove Jake’s hand. “C’c’c’c’mon, c’c’c’c’mon--” The burned boy finally got free. “Come on, dude!”

Jeremy groaned and shot a look toward the burned boy. The teenager looked back at Michael.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Jeremy.” Michael soothed.

Jeremy took a deep breath. “I’d really like to date you, I guess--I mean, fuck… Okay. I really like you, Michael. And it took a drug to completely make my life a living hell to realize it.” 

“It’s okay!” Michael laughed, Jeremy thought he saw the familiar stain of tears on his face. “I told you before--a million times--how much I care about you--”

“But I’m not a gu--”

“You’re not a guy.” Michael finished the sentence for him. “Yeah, I know. And you still make me  _ so freaking happy.  _ Jeremy, you’re my best friend before anything else. Before anyone else, you’re my player 2.”

“HELLO.” Chloe broke the heartfelt confession. “A lot of us don’t speak nerd. Are you dating or not?”

“Yes. Sure, we’re dating.” Michael answered, he tapped his forehead to Jeremy’s and placed a quick kiss on his lips. 

The same light feeling returned. 

A glowing hope. 

There was still the metallic screams scraping against Jeremy’s skull; he could deal with it however. He didn’t have to try to be someone he wasn’t.

He could be happy where he was right now. With friends, with people that cared about him. 

With Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Michael Connell.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
> 
> \--SKQuill


End file.
